Popular Posts

Saturday, March 26, 2011

F-ing Amazing Support From Desteni Cult Members

This is a conversation I had on a thread on the Desteni forum where I also post and create my blog entries. When I write 'Quoting: Kim' it means someone is referring to something I had previously posted. Maybe that is really obvious, but I want to be clear because there is some amazing support here that I would like to share effectively.

 This conversation begins with Anna referring to something I had expressed about my fear of posting Desteni videos on facebook.

Quoting: Kim
“I also posted them on facebook which was cool for me because I'm hesitant to post videos that indicate anything about the portal. I'm really having constant issues with sharing this fact with non-destonians, so even though Sunette doesn't mention anything about leaving her body etc... in the video, she IS the portal so... I have resistances to posting it. “

Anna:
Here you can do the same as well - what do I fear/believe within sharing the videos? What do I fear/believe will happen if I share the videos? What do I fear/believe others will think/judge of me if they see I have posted these videos? How Do I see that in myself?


Kim:
I think people will lump Desteni in with Jim Jones and transcendental meditation or any other cult who do nothing in the world.

If that happens they won’t have the opportunity to hear the message and learn the tools.

The portal is the one thing that people can 'attack' me about and I don't feel I can defend it. I can't say I've seen it first hand and I can't 'prove' it's real, so... Also, because it deals with another dimension, I feel, immediately people will put their guards up.

Come to think of it, if someone had told me about desteni, and I hadn't found it on my own, I don't think I would have believed it. I would have judged them as a 'religious freak' or a cult member full of brainwashed nonsense. I would not listen to someone who would try to talk to me about something like this and I would probably distance myself from them. This is what I fear will happen to me.

So what's going on in my mind now is:

If i lose my credibility then I can't spread the message.
If I lose my credibility and people thought I was in a cult i'd be embarrassed.
If people thought I was in a cult they wouldn't listen to me. My facebooking would be in vain. People would distance themselves from me.
I fear this reaction from people. And I get this feeling of absolute powerlessness.

The memory that comes up with this feeling is when my dog was getting severe arthritis and he couldn't walk anymore, so I found these dog wheelchairs online that could have given him years. This dog was the most important thing in the world to me, and when I announced my findings to my parents they dismissed the idea without giving it one second of thought.

I sat there absolutely crushed because that meant Rocky would die, which he did by euthanasia soon after.

It was this feeling of someone else having absolute power over me with no consideration to how I felt.

I always hid what I was feeling so there's no way anyone could have taken my experience into consideration. Because I didn't express myself everybody just thought I was ok with everything, but really I would become upset, hurt, angry etc... and keep it all in.

It's this fear of expressing myself because I fear others won’t validate my experience and end up taking my power away.

I've actually done a lot of sf on this and I think it's only something I can continue to build over time. The self-worth and confidence that is, the foundation of a self wherein I can be stable enough within myself to not believe I require the validation of others.

I think I'll go ahead and post a bunch of portal videos to show myself that I will be unaffected by it.

___________________________________________________________________________________


Andrew:

Cool Kim, I have also looked at this point within myself, and notice even still a point of 'shame' from the perspective of "opening up" to people in my world about what I am doing. I see that I am still allowing myself to fear what other people think of me, what my friends, peers, and family think of me. So yes still developing a point of Stability within myself as well, and also see the point of requiring deeper self introspection and investigation to get to the core of how I am actually still allowing such points within and as me.

Thanks for Sharing.

___________________________________________________________________________________



Anna:

Quoting: Kim
“The memory that comes up with this feeling is when my dog was getting severe arthritis and he couldn't walk anymore, so I found these dog wheelchairs online that could have given him years. This dog was the most important thing in the world to me, and when I announced my findings to my parents they dismissed the idea without giving it one second of thought.”


In the interview with Sunette about BackChat as the soft-speaking Deception, she explains how a lot of BackChat comes from past experiences/memories, where we experienced ourselves being unfairly treated, then Suppressed the anger/blame which has now accumulated into a BackChat - Quite fascinating as this specific memory might indicate such a point.

(view video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_YUQHswqng )

Quoting: Kim
“I think I’ll go ahead and post a bunch of portal videos to show myself that I will be unaffected by it.”


Consider perhaps stopping the reaction as it comes up, not Accepting it as Real and Valid, so that it is not a point of "Standing up against", as Suppressing the reaction but Standing up from within and as it in Common Sense Self-Honesty.

___________________________________________________________________________________


Joe:
Some very cool points here that I can relate to -

In looking at who i am, how i have approached walking this process, there has been an underlying fear/shame and 'secret' desire to not be associated with a 'cult', not wanting to be able to be attacked by those who do not see the message - yet all of this is projection and self-enslavement.

in having a look now what i see is that my reluctance and 'fear' to be seen completely visibly as a destonian is based on fear that i will lose credibility within the matrix, and i fear this because i am not at a point of financial stability - and have fears that i will not be 'acceptable' by the system if i were more visible. but this is just the 'surface' fear that i am able to speak on.

what LIEs beneath are the suppressed fears - which come from me realizing that to stand with desteni completely and fully is to actually drop and let go of my self-definitions - actually push through my self-interest and fears and face the consequences of the 'life' and self that i have designed myself to be thus far. thus the reluctance to sharing desteni and the desteni message is the realization that at the moment much of what i would be sharing is knowledge and information - because i am still walking my process, and i am still dis-covering who i am, and still working through points.

wanting to share 'desteni' is me not actually sharing MYSELF as the process - and in this the shame is not to do with fearing others for judging me, fearing others for branding me as being in a 'cult' or throwing me into the lot of jim jones and hail bop - those are justifications that i have used to not actually see the REAL POINT - which is that i am limiting myself and allowing the opinions of others to direct me instead of pushing myself to stand as my own self-realizations within self-honesty.

my perspective is that it is not about the number of desteni or portal vids you share that determines one's standing - it is who one is within the sharing and whether or not one is are spreading a 'message' that one does not actually STAND AS. and if not - its cool - simply get self to the point of actual standing and then the sharing of desteni material and desteni videos becomes simply a part of who one is instead of something one feels one 'should' do. it is not about converting others or getting others to hear the message - they will have to see for themselves - and the most effective way to share the message is simply to live it - apply it - and share oneself within that. otherwise it is knowledge being shared TO others, not actual self-realizations being lived and sharing of self.

___________________________________________________________________________________


Kim:

Quoting: Anna

“In the interview with Sunette about BackChat as the soft-speaking Deception, she explains how a lot of BackChat comes from past experiences/memories, where we experienced ourselves being unfairly treated, then Suppressed the anger/blame which has now accumulated into a BackChat - Quite fascinating as this specific memory might indicate such a point.”


You're right. I have a lot of intense emotions of guilt, sadness and powerlessness concerning this dog that I have done sf on but not enough obviously. This point is like a raw nerve for me, however, I've seen a couple of the early pet cross-over videos, where the pet says not to feel guilty, that he/she had a good life etc... This was helpful and it made me realize that Rocky is not in some spirit world somewhere spiting me for allowing him to suffer and be put down. It also showed me that somewhere, someone else was experiencing the same thing as me, and the pet-crossover video might as well have been speaking directly to me because the situation was exactly the same.

I have a lot of sf started and not completed, but I'll just make a note here to do more extensive sf on the Rocky point, because even while I'm arranging my thoughts into words here, I'm getting emotional about it, so, it's a sore spot.




Quoting: Anna (who is referring to when I said:  "I think I'll go ahead and post a bunch of portal videos to show myself that I will be unaffected by it.”)
 Anna: 
“Consider perhaps stopping the reaction as it comes up, not Accepting it as Real and Valid, so that it is not a point of "Standing up against", as Suppressing the reaction but Standing up from within and as it in Common Sense Self-Honesty.”


I'm glad I didn't just go ahead and do that to try to 'prove' something to myself. In common sense and self-honesty = if I watch a video that has been really helpful to me, such as the three you suggested, I will share them and not participate in the reaction.

Is there a difference between 'stopping the reaction' and 'not participating within the reaction'?

When I say I don't participate in a reaction, the experience I am describing is similar to the matrix where keanu reeves gets shot at and the bullets slow down and he dodges them.

The experience for me is like my mind is slowed down and I can see the thoughts coming, they are still there but I don't participate in them, so they pass over me or through me like the bullets going by: they were still fired, but they didn't have the anticipated effect of causing harm.

I was uncertain about this technique because I don't want to ignore thought reactions, believing that I'm not participating in them, when really I'm burying them inside somewhere.

When I stop reactions I have this same concern, am I just burying it?

The third variation of this type of experience is when I choose not to participate in a reaction, speaking up in class for example, I breathe etc... but my body reacts as if I were in full participation. Heart pounding, sweaty palms and stuff.

I wonder if this is because I didn't catch it soon enough, or maybe it is because this point is one of the more ingrained ones for me.

What I understand is:

when there is a thought, if there is an emotional reaction, it requires sf.

If it is just a random thought I can delete it or stop it by saying delete or stop out loud and even explaining to myself why it doesn't serve me.

If I've already done my sf on a point (like speaking in class) and the emotional reactions come up again, I don't have to do all the sf over again, I just have to not participate and push through until the energy runs itself out.

SF:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what others may think of me when I post videos on facebook, specifically beings who are not familiar with desteni.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that there is only self-judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will lose my credibility if I publish posts which reveal the existence of the portal, the existence of other dimensions, the fact that all beings who have crossed over are now stomach enzymes- lol- ...anything to do with the HOM series etc... anything that I would think is crazy if someone were to tell it to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself by projecting my self-judgements back to myself through my ideas of others because I have not actually walked to material, therefore I believe I lack credibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being ostracized by the group.

I've already done sf on points of judgment and projecting and exposing that is relevant here:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear exposing others to themselves as I act in self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide myself so that I don’t make others uncomfortable or realize what they have accepted and allowed within themselves. I will no longer diminish myself because I don’t want to be the one to expose others to themselves. I will no longer fear the blame they may place on me, I know it’s not me they’re mad at. I will no longer fear others reactions to themselves, even if it is projected on to me. I stand as stability and support them through the realization of their responsibility, as I would like to have done for me. But I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to alter my behaviour in order not to have an effect on people. This is self-dishonest and abusive to myself as well as others.


I can't find the others but I remember it was mostly about projecting myself back to myself through others.

I made this video which was actually specifically about why I have this fear of revealing what I'm up to with desteni on facebook:


Joe, I had a serious sinking reaction to this:

Quoting: Joe

“what LIEs beneath are the suppressed fears - which come from me realizing that to stand with desteni completely and fully is to actually drop and let go of my self-definitions - actually push through my self-interest and fears and face the consequences of the 'life' and self that i have designed myself to be thus far. thus the reluctance to sharing desteni and the desteni message is the realization that at the moment much of what i would be sharing is knowledge and information - because i am still walking my process, and i am still dis-covering who i am, and still working through points.”


If I stand with desteni completely and fully, I fear I will face a whole world of shit within my current relationships and my comfortable world where there is currently no conflict.

I've already had two people react towards me quite aggressively to information which was just the tip of the iceberg. I am NOT used to this experience so it left an impression on me wherein I feel 'scarred'. I never thought people would react like that, so now I fear if I reveal my desteni involvement, people who I thought were one way might turn in to these vicious beings as I have already experienced.

I also had a friend from the past call desteni a cult and I really reacted to that as well.

I've applied sf on this but I can tell it is still with me, so another note to self here, to apply sf on those incidents: the two men and the girl.

Because I am only beginning to really walk my process, I can't rely on having substantiated anything within myself to stand by, so I just get blown over by these people.

Right now, I am not stable enough to handle much of this type of confrontation. I get so mad I feel shaky and it all just absorbs back into me. Getting mad is proving that I am no better than someone who is anti-desteni because I know the information but am not applying it. It's almost worse. If I were truly a living statement of anything I would walk it and beings would see or not see it as me. If they don't see I will not be moved one way or another, I would just remain stable to stand by them if and when they decide to see.

But until then, I should not invite confrontation into my life, because I am just learning to walk.

I am ready to post videos in practical common sense, without reacting to my fears and judgments now.
___________________________________________________________________________________



Bella’s Answers:



Kim’s Question (Q:):
“Is there a difference between 'stopping the reaction' and 'not participating within the reaction?”

Bella's Answer (A): 
not really - because 'stopping the reaction' actually means You stopping You from participating in / from re-creating the reaction.
  

Q:
“When I say I don't participate in a reaction, the experience I am describing is similar to the matrix where keanu reeves gets shot at and the bullets slow down and he dodges them.

The experience for me is like my mind is slowed down and I can see the thoughts coming, they are still there but I don't participate in them, so they pass over me or through me like the bullets going by: they were still fired, but they didn't have the anticipated effect of causing harm.”

A: 
yes, fascinating!

Q:
“I was uncertain about this technique because I don't want to ignore thought reactions, believing that I'm not participating in them, when really I'm burying them inside somewhere.”

A: 
very cool point here - the slowing down assist in assessing the points in self-honesty IN the moment!


Q:
“When I stop reactions I have this same concern, am I just burying it?”

A: 
this only You can know/see in self-honesty.
a practical self-support application here would be to for-instance at the end of the day sit with pen & paper or at your pc and look at such moments/situations from your day : see if there's any inner movements coming-up as you look at each point; if yes, you can utilize self-forgiveness to clear the point/yourself, until you are satisfied and self-clarity is here.

Q:
“The third variation of this type of experience is when I choose not to participate in a reaction, speaking up in class for example, I breathe etc... but my body reacts as if I were in full participation. Heart pounding, sweaty palms and stuff.

I wonder if this is because I didn't catch it soon enough, or maybe it is because this point is one of the more ingrained ones for me. “

A: 
yes it sounds like more 'ingrained' if we look at the physical anxiety-reaction.
here i would work specifically with writing-out the mind-construct, placing all cards on the table, and allowing me to see what exactly it is i am fearing, what perceptions/ideas of myself am i manifesting, what am i expecting, what polarities are evident---
to then apply self-forgiveness very specifically, point by point - realizing that it will take time to re-program myself into a new living-application as who i see myself as equal of life.
as you participate in your reality IN the moments of such situation(s), allow yourself the 'time'/process to breathe and let go of all points you realize through self-forgiveness - through breathing, as you do/did.


Q:
“If I've already done my sf on a point (like speaking in class) and the emotional reactions come up again, I don't have to do all the sf over again, I just have to not participate and push through until the energy runs itself out.”

A: 
yes, definitely, though also to look at the possibility that i haven't yet seen the point in its entirety. writing, i find, always assists.
again, it's a point of self-honesty -- to see what's the deal / what's the case.
if i remain with uncertainty or i keep questioning the point - i go back and look at it again, always in writing or speaking aloud, because here i can 'trap' myself if any dishonesty/self-manipulation wants to play-out; whereas in the mind, the mind tends to win, lol.


Q:
“What I understand is:

when there is a thought, if there is an emotional reaction, it requires sf.

If it is just a random thought I can delete it or stop it by saying delete or stop out loud and even explaining to myself why it doesn't serve me.”

A: 
the latter point i find a bit 'tricky' - is anything ever really random? maybe yes, maybe no. therefore, i always look at 'okay, who am I in relation to this thought/point that just came up?'
if i am able to see and direct the point as myself immediately, making sure there is no resistance, no judgment, no fear, no suppression/denial - then cool. if any even so subtle notion of a reaction is here, i will look at the point before i rush to discard it as 'random'. after all, I am the one experiencing/looking at it, so why is it here?

this may sound like 'too much of a trouble' - though mostly such 'moments' are actually short, and get shorted with practice. eventually one direct any point in one breath. i find that watching movies is a good practice in this regard.


the following may assist with practical perspectives on self-forgiveness: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-q4KDkqi8rI

No comments:

Post a Comment