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Sunday, October 16, 2011

Replacing Bi-Polar Tendencies With Stability

Today is my ‘get my shit back together’ day, which is cool. It’s when I ‘get back on track’ clean myself up, discipline my eating, clean up my work-space and get to work. This type of day is starting to feel familiar, and that’s great, except for two things that I am now making myself officially aware of.  Number one is that when I feel myself going ‘up’ like this I have the tendency to let it get too high, wherein I become out of control, and number two is the inevitable crash afterwards, so it’s a pattern. I can see that what led up to this type of day (my ‘get my shit back together’ day) was the opposite type of day. For the past 3 or 4 days I have felt heavy, sloppy, on the verge of being overwhelmed by life, and foul. I was pissed off at my sluggishness and my inability to move myself effectively. This pattern used to last months, and then weeks, and now mere days, so I can see the compression as I’m being spiralled into facing myself head on. I am ready. I even felt ready while I was going through it these past few days: telling myself to stand up from within it, to direct myself from within the sluggishness, the foulness, the overwhelming-ness... and I did, the ‘low’ still felt really low, but I managed to get some stuff done and move myself despite the way I felt inside. Wherein I used to fall completely into the overwhelming-ness, I now simply teeter on the edge of it, realizing it has been my choice to ‘go there’ all along. I’m not helpless in this regard, I do not have to go there at all. I’ve been working on this pattern and as I continue to do so one thing becomes more and more clear with regards to bringing myself into these crashes: there’s no point in going there. It is unnecessary self-imposed hardships that result from the self-allowance of participation in energetic polarities.
Presently:  I see that I bounce back and forth  between these two extremes. At once I feel completely in control and on top of everything, and then I’m like a teenager again- angry and irresponsible. Presently I see myself about to go up. I keep in mind that when I’m on the upswing I tend to go too high, thinking and believing that I’ve finally done it- changed myself and now everything is going to be good and I’m in total control. And then I over-do it. I start many projects and I try to get everything done, but what happens is- it never ends. I can’t stay up in that high for an extended amount of time, so I’m going to come down, and that ‘coming down’ will be proportional to how high I let myself get.
Self-Correction:  When I am on that upswing, I remind myself that the goal isn’t to just ‘go with it’ and feed it and become all super-human, because it won’t last. When I feel myself going ‘up’ I breathe through the desire to feed it and go with it because that is an addiction to a bi-polar pattern that I will direct myself to replace with stability. Within understanding myself in this regard, I see this pattern and I direct myself to apply self-will and self-directive principle to remain in common sense and practical application instead of entering into a mind possession high wherein I set myself up for a proportional fall. Common sense and practical application here refers to taking one thing at a time and doing it properly. Not starting many things thus setting myself up to burn out. It’s cool that I’m back from my previous fall, but I need to be stable now and realize that today is just one day, I don’t need to get everything done, just the things that make the most sense. I can leave some stuff for tomorrow so that I slowly accumulate my self-directive principle and stability instead of feeding the tendencies of bi-polar disorder.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Separating Yourself from- Yourself

                Each and every human being is a whole being, but we have separated ourselves within and as our minds. Self-judgment, projection, reactions, thoughts, feelings and emotions are ways in which we separate ourselves by being both the observer and the observed. Through the act of separation we powerlessly observe ourselves operate throughout our lives, judging, reacting, projecting, thinking, feeling and emoting instead of doing and being. Being and becoming the force that will change the world. Being the change itself.
                The point within realizing the separation within oneself is that as long as it exists, self will never be a complete whole; the observer can never be the observed. Only when one’s thoughts, words and deeds are aligned within oneness and equality, is one completely empowered to be a self-willed, self-directed individual who can stand up within any situation, and withstand any storm. But this alignment can only be achieved within oneness and equality, because you can’t have oneness without equality, and you can’t have equality without oneness, and you can’t have either within separation.
                The elimination of separation involves the bringing back together of self, by forgiving self for accepting and allowing any and all separation. To take yourself back and at the same time give you back to yourself, because separation is an abdication of self-responsibility by looking for sources outside of self to explain or validate one’s internal experiences instead of changing.

                With self-judgment, it is necessarily implied that there are two entities: the judge and the judged –a separation from one into two. This separation is obviously not physical; it takes place in the mind. That is where all separation takes place, in the mind.
                To judge oneself either positively or negatively is to create a belief about or a relationship with oneself that isn’t necessary. This relationship or belief will influence one’s behaviour as one lives out his or her day, or week, or month, or year, or whole life, which creates patterns and habits that prevent one from living self-honestly, moving self and being the self-directive principle that is the living statement of ‘who I am’, Here, as Life.
                If one’s thoughts. words and deeds are aligned with oneness and equality, then that will be the living statement of self, and within that, there is no separation, because it is one and equal, inside and out, therefore no possibility for self-judgment.
                Another realization that must be understood in order to understand the ways in which we separate ourselves is that nothing and nobody can ‘make you’ feel a certain way as your self-experience within yourself.  All reactions are caused or created by the individual within whom they occur. If they were caused by outside people or events then we would all react the same way to the same things. But instead, each being’s reaction is uniquely catered to their specific life experiences according to who they have accepted and allowed themselves to be and become.
                This is because when you react to a being you are actually reacting to that which you have separated yourself from within yourself. For example, if you react in jealousy of another’s appearance then you have separated yourself from your own self-acceptance of your physical body in some way within the belief that, for example, ‘only someone who is that fit, or that beautiful or that muscular is able to accept themselves, but not me’. Within this, you have reacted within jealousy because you have separated yourself from self-acceptance by projecting it on to fit/beautiful/muscular people outside of yourself.
                However, this separation has only taken place within the mind and at any moment you can forgive yourself and take back your self-acceptance so that you no longer react within jealousy to a certain type of person, so you can instead see them for the human being that they are, one and equal to yourself.