day 4 -Action reaction (cont'd from day 3)

Action reaction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the reaction of anger based on a man reacting to me. I should have just let it be, I shouldn’t have provoked a useless confrontation which very obviously wasn’t going to do any good to anyone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react defensively towards someone commenting that I was not looking ‘good enough’ to appeal to them, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the beauty polarity/system/demon.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe beauty is power, that appearance is important, that seduction is a survival technique. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within this and I stop here. I stop my participation in behaviours which have the intended outcome of seduction in any way. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe if I am not attractive no one will take care of me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to be taken care of and that I can’t take care of myself. I am stable as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear independence. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel safe when I have someone to depend on when all I need is to be able to depend on myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel safe and protected within my relationship, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I require safety and protection from another being. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being unattractive or ugly for fear of losing my security as a relationship. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being ugly because I fear no one would want to have anything to do with me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base my self-worth on the projected imagined reality of people only ‘liking me’ because they want sex. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view this as acceptable. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe if no one wanted to have sex with me I would be abandoned and alone. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being abandoned and alone.

I stand alone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel diminished because someone reacted negatively towards me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need people to like me, thus enslaving myself to act in ways that appease others and suppress who I really am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel diminished because I felt I was being scolded. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in diminishing behaviours such as ‘trying to impress’ and ‘wanting to be right’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel anger because I felt the situation was unjust towards me. Nothing ever happens ‘to me’, I am only ever reacting to myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place myself in an unjust situation which was not just to anybody and ended up diminishing everybody.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to breathe in these moments, as awareness.