tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85197446885189856862024-02-20T01:14:31.572-08:00thrubreathThis blog is the documentation of my personal process of self-change using the Desteni toolsKim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.comBlogger70125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-88001450188159385842012-04-09T08:58:00.000-07:002017-03-28T19:55:02.902-07:00What I learned from a Puppy<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I’m taking
care of a friend’s puppy this weekend and I had a realization that eluded me
for all my 15 years of dog ownership. I was walking the puppy this morning
because she was full of energy and had begun causing the types of problems that
an energetic puppy will cause (biting the kids, chewing everything, jumping
up). I told the kids that when a puppy starts to behave this way it’s not
because she’s a ‘bad’ puppy, it’s because she needs to get some exercise. Lots
of exercise. So I brought her out for a walk. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I had a
destination in mind: the dog run, where I could let her off her leash to run
and exert herself. As we were walking the puppy wanted to stop every couple of
steps to sniff around. I found myself pulling her and telling her to ‘come!’
and continue walking so we could get to the park to run. I thought I had her
best interest in mind, but when I got to the park I took a moment to myself to
just breathe, and I realized that I was participating in my mind. So while she ran around, I focused on my breath until the ‘rushed’ feeling
of ‘getting to a destination’ subsided, and all that was left was me watching a
puppy enjoy herself and her world.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>On the way
back I took a different approach. I realized that even if it took me twice as
long to get home, it didn’t matter, it would still be less than 30 minutes of
my day. So it might take 30 minutes instead of 15 minutes to get home; the
question is, would that really make that big of a difference in my day? No.
Would the puppy enjoy smelling every tree and fire hydrant along the way? Yes.
Is this walk about me or the puppy? The puppy. And that was my realization: I
am doing this for her. I took on the responsibility to care for a puppy, so it
is my responsibility to set aside enough time to give her a walk that’s about
her, and not about me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When I am
rushed, when I have projected a planned destination and focus too much on
‘getting there’ instead of watching the puppy and observing what the puppy is
enjoying, then I am making the walk about me. It’s not a matter of letting her
do whatever she wants; I still have my rules about not going on the road, not
pulling on the leash and not venturing too far into people’s yards, and I am
consistent with those rules. In this way, I am the boss, because of city rules
and safety requirements. So I need to earn the puppy’s respect in this way-
through consistency in upholding the rules. But in looking at the situation
from a starting point of equality, wherein I put my wants, needs and desires
aside in order to look at the situation from a common sense perspective, I see
that if I just breathe through my automatic feelings of ‘rushed’ and the
pressure of ‘getting there’, then I am giving the puppy a chance to really
enjoy herself and explore her world for the first time. She’s so young, all the
smells must be fascinating and exciting and new to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was actually able to get over feeling like
she was ‘slowing us down’ or ‘taking too long’, so that I could actually enjoy
watching her sniff the grass and find little sticks and flowers to bite. It was
like every little thing she found needed to be sniffed, bitten, scratched or
rolled in. It was really cool to be able to put my self-interest aside and
watch her discover the world.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The cool
thing about dogs is that, even as they get older they never seem to stop
wanting to play, discover and explore. So when I mind even older dogs I will
remember what I learned from the puppy today: the walks are not about me, they
are about the dogs. It is my responsibility to set aside enough time to allow
the dogs to thoroughly enjoy themselves when we go out for walks. It is my
responsibility to remain patient, and to not accept or allow myself to go into
my programmed pattern of ‘walking to get somewhere’ and instead just enjoying
the walk. This is not about getting from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’ by taking the
quickest route. It is about living in the Hereness of the moment, and it’s
about enjoyment. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> In the bigger picture: when I take responsibility for something, that deosn't mean I then have the right or authority to make it about me; I will remember that whatever I participate in involves a consideration for not only myself, but the other beings that might be involved in my reality. We can't go through life functioning as though we are all that needs to be considered, even when whatever it is we are doing may seem to be in the best interest of others- that may not be the case. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> It is not necessarily only about the activity we are physically participating in that counts, it is who we are within what we are doing. The difference here is the fact that, either way- the dog would have gotten her excercise. But when I put my self-interest aside, I was able to give the puppy a better quality of experience. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"> When I take this lesson and incorporate it into everything I do, my living actions will create a better quality experience for all those with whom I interact. Furthermore, putting my wants and desires aside also allows me to be present in the moment, so in this way, I am also benefitting myself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So, thank
you Tilley, you’ve taught me a valuable life lesson which I will not forget.
One which, when I live and apply every time I am in a similar situation,
will actually be a benefit in my life and in the lives of those around me. I will build patience, awareness and
enjoyment, and a higher quality ineraction than what I have become used to in life.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> I
guess everyone has a lesson to teach, so long as we are able to stop listening
only to our own minds, and instead open our eyes and ears and learn. Today a puppy taught me how to form relationships of quality with those around me through a consideration of others, and so I am humbled and open to any other lessons life will inevitably present me with.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">https://steemit.com/dogs/@kimzilla/profound-life-lesson-learned-from-a-puppy </span></span></div>
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Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-69424591837442004142012-04-05T14:00:00.000-07:002012-04-05T14:10:05.574-07:00Over-Active imagination<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When I was little I was very shy. I
still am a bit, however, since I started using the Desteni tools I have changed
that very much. But when I look back at my life, especially when I was quite
young, I remember moments in which I would have this absolute fear of
interacting with people. It was usually adults, or other children, like the
loud and boisterous type for example. Interacting with them would make me react
where within myself I felt very sensitive (much like an open wound) and I was
fearful that they would hurt me (like touch on a nerve at any moment). It reminds
me of being at the dentist and getting a cavity filled, when Iworry he’ll drill
too far and hit a nerve and I don’t trust that he will be careful enough. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">These types of people seemed unpredictable to
me and I didn’t trust that they wouldn’t embarrass me or hurt me. I also found
it hard to relate to them because I was so quiet and introverted. I would play
by myself with toys like stuffed animals or lego or little figurines. But the
reality is that I longed to have real connections with real people. Instead I
feard interaction and had an ‘active imagination’ where I could ‘entertain’
myself for hours. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s interesting when I look at what it was
that I was doing with these toys: I was creating personalities for them and
having them interact in ways that I longed to do myself. This kept me satisfied
and created a situation where I could experience these desires for a personal
connection by projecting it on to toys and playing it out in my mind instead of
actually experiencing it for myself in real life. As I got older I stopped
using toys and I would simply fantasize about my wants and desires. I remember
in fourth grade I was watching some girls fearlessly interacting. They were
being loud and laughing and expressing themselves, and I longed for that. But
instead of facing my fear I remained quiet. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would imagine myself doing all sorts of
things and being the person I longed to be, whether it was funny or outspoken
or what have you- but in the real world I was isolated and lonely. I realize
now that an imaginary world is a safe world. It is not real and it distracts
and ‘protects’ one from facing one’s own fears. For a long time I saw it as a
virtue or a special quality that made me ‘deep’ or ‘mysterious’ as I have
recently been called. But the real truth is that I became so comfortable with
going into my imagination instead of being present and aware in reality that I
would just go there (into my mind) whenever I experienced the slightest fear,
discomfort, boredom or difficulty. It is and was an absolute escape which, when
I look back, diminished my actual living experience and relationships, and I
had myself believing that the world was a scary and hostile place compared to
my inner world.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m teaching myself now, with the Desteni
tools of breath and corrective application, to remain present in situations,
wherein I participate in my world instead of escaping it. When I catch myself
in my imagination I remember to breathe and bring myself back to awareness and
I stop my mind and let the fantasy fall away and disappear. It just crumbles
away and becomes nothing because that is what it really is: it’s an energetic
experience that I use to make myself feel things I long for in real life,
self-created experiences which are not real and which have the opposite effect
in my real life- wherein I live in isolation, silence, obscurity and fear. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now I have developed the courage to start
realizing who I really am by facing these social fears and actually
participating with other people in my world- not just the ones I feel ‘safe’
with. The most noteworthy examples for me are my interactions at school. I
pushed myself to speak up in class in front of sometimes huge classes of over a
hundred people. I started volunteering to lead groups or to be the one that
presents group findings to the class, and I have begun to initiate
conversations with classmates who I didn’t know. The results have been very
satisfying in terms of my quality of life as well as what I have proven to
myself in terms of what I am capable of versus what I ‘believed’ I am capable
of. But I'm not done yet…..<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am 30 now and have been using the Desteni
tools for about 2 years. So that means that for 28 years I have pretty much
fully used the escape of imagination in an unrestrained manner. I have
developed many ‘coping techniques’ with it that have not been constructive in
my life, and which I still catch myself falling in to from time to time. The
times that I still find myself tempted by my fantasy world are when I’m either
reading course material or in class and I start to get ‘bored’. I realize here
that I’m not actually bored, what happens is I get to a point or a concept that
I don’t understand, and instead of pushing through and directing myself to
understand I escape and start fantasizing. This tactic essentially led me to
flunk out of college years ago, and it is an ingrained habit now to the extent
that it is a really struggle for me to stay present and hear what is being said
by the teacher, or absorb what it is that I am reading. This stops here,
because every time I escape into my fantasy world of fairytales I am letting my
life pass me by.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and
allowed myself to place great value in people with a ‘wild’ imagination. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="Default" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and
allowed myself to place value in my ability to get lost in my imagination.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="Default" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and
allowed myself to believe that because I ‘get lost’ in my mind and hide there
that I am ‘deep’ or ‘mysterious’ instead of realizing that I am actually
missing out on exactly that which I desire to experience in reality.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to believe that people who have a wild/wide/big imagination are
special and gifted. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="Default" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and
allowed myself to believe that because I ‘have a wild imagination; that I am
‘special’ or ‘gifted’.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to hide out in imaginary fairy tales, because I don’t want to
have to deal with the actual reality and my actual experience of myself within
this reality. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and
allowed myself to fear this reality and the people, places and things within
it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="Default" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and
allowed myself to believe that others can hurt or embarrass me, instead of
realizing that only I can accept or allow myself to be hurt or embarrassed by
attempting to do or be something that I am not yet, but only want, need or
desire myself to be as an energetic experience as ego.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and
allowed myself to give away my power and my self-directive principle by
believing that others outside of me can hurt or embarrass me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="Default" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and
allowed myself to give away my power and my self-directive principle by fearing
others and situations outside of me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="Default" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and
allowed myself to give away my power and my self-directive principle by fearing
expressing myself outwardly and fully participating as myself in my world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="Default" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and
allowed myself to want, need or desire certain experiences and relationships,
and to project those experiences and relationships in my imagination instead of
living and applying myself in my world within the principles of oneness and
equality.</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself
to divert my attention from what is here, by creating a whole new world in my
mind.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to divert my attention from what is here when things are tough, scary or
difficult to understand, by creating a whole world in my mind where I perceive
that I am safe, instead of realizing that in so doing I am missing out on
moments where I can direct me to be and become a more effective, expressive and
understanding human being.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
realize that a ‘wild’ imagination has no value because it is not real. It is a
lonely ‘place’ that only I can experience and I would rather take every
opportunity to live for real in the physical world Here, where we all exists
together, where I can exist in such a way that creates a better world by living
the principles of oneness and equality and treating others as I would like to
be treated.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
realize that in escaping into my imagination when things get tough, ‘scary’ or
difficult to understand, I am only preventing myself from developing and
expanding myself, and in this way I am diminishing myself by not allowing
myself to be learning, doing and being, but instead am letting life pass me by.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
realize that wanting, needing and desiring certain types of experiences and
relationships will not achieve them because it is coming from a starting point
of self-interest, and that real interactions and events will be fulfilling and
of quality when I walk into and as them from a starting point of oneness and
equality with no expectations other than self-honestly walking Here.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
realize that allowing myself to become ‘lost’ in my imagination is escapism and
is not me directing myself Here in the real world- in the physical world where
we all exist together, which is the only place I can be real and whole and
bring about change.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
do not accept or allow myself to escape into my imagination.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
do not accept or allow myself to use fear or difficulty as excuses to escape
Here.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
do not accept or allow myself to fear or avoid facing me in every moment.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
do not accept or allow myself to limit or diminish myself by hiding in my mind.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
accept and allow myself to face me in every moment.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
accept and allow myself to push through moments of difficulty and fear.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
accept and allow myself to remain present and participate fully in the real
world, which is the only place that is real and that matters.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
accept and allow myself to fearlessly express me within the understanding that
nothing and no one can hurt, embarrass, limit or diminish me except me, and I
will not allow myself to participate in this type of behavior from here on out.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Redefining
‘Imagination:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Imagination<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-fun<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-safe<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-special<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-exciting<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-mine<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-escape<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to charge the word imagination with a positive charge.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to think/believe/perceive that ‘imagination’ is good/right/positive.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to separate myself from the word ‘imagination’ by defining the word
‘imagination’ as positive/good/right.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself
to connect the word ‘imagination’ to the word ‘fun’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to define the word ‘imagination’ within the word ‘fun’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to separate myself from the word ‘imagination’ and from the word ‘fun’
by defining the word ‘imagination’ within the word ‘fun’ in separation of
myself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself toconnect the word ‘imagination’ to the word ‘safe’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to define the word ‘imagination’ within the word ‘safe’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to separate myself from the word ‘imagination’ and from the word ‘safe’
by defining the word ‘imagination within the word ‘safe’ in separation of me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself toconnect the word ‘imagination’ to the word ‘special’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to define the word ‘imagination’ within the word ‘special’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to separate myself from the word imagination and from the word ‘special
by defining the word ‘imagination’ within the word ‘special’ in separation of
myself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to connect the word ‘imagination’ to the word ‘exciting’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to define the word ‘imagination’ within the word ‘exciting’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to separate myself form the word ‘imagination’ and from the word
‘exciting’ by defining the word ‘imagination’ within te word ‘exciting’ in
separation of me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to connect the word ‘imagination’ to the word ‘mine’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to define the word ‘imagination’ within the word ‘mine’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to separate myself from the word ‘imagination’ and from the word ‘mine’
by defining the word ‘imagination’ within the word ‘mine’ in separation of me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to connect the word ‘imagination’ to the word ‘escape’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to define the word imagination within the word ‘escape’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed
myself to separate myself from the word ‘imagination’ and from the word
‘escape’ by defining the word ‘imagination’ within the word ‘escape’ in
separation of me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Imagination: my current allocation: </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">-fun<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-safe,
special, exciting, mine, escape.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dictionary
definition:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Imagination:</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> the act or power
of forming a mental </span></span><a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/image"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">image</span></span></a><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> of something not
present to the senses or never before wholly perceived in reality <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">a</span></i><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">:</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> creative ability
<i>b</i><b>:</b> ability to confront and deal with a problem <b>:</b> </span></span><a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/resourcefulness"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant: small-caps; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">resourcefulness</span></span></a><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> <use your <i>imagination</i>
and get us out of here> <i>c</i><b>:</b> the thinking or active mind <b>:</b>
</span></span><a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/interest"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant: small-caps; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">interest</span></span></a><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> <stories that
fired the <i>imagination</i>> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">a</span></i><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">:</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> a creation of
the mind; <i>especially</i><b>:</b> an idealized or poetic creation <i>b</i><b>:</b>
fanciful or empty assumption <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sounds like:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Image I nation<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The creation of the nation in the
image and likeness of all individual “I”’s, wherein I direct myself as ‘I’ to
see myself reflected in the image of the nation, I walk within and as the
nation of “I”’s equal and one, until the image I see reflected by the nation is
equal to and one with all that is Here. Within this, I use the imagination as
the act or power of forming an understanding of what is Here, as a
resourcefulness to see and face me and my world, and the creative ability to
confront obstacles within common sense, and to deal with them in practically
applicable ways, instead of using that ability as an escape into fantasies.<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-34633284971089378712012-03-25T08:11:00.002-07:002012-03-25T08:13:14.638-07:00Negative Self-Talk Chipping Away at my Resolve<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fear
of Failure - Back Chat<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I heard a quote similar to this (title) the
other day. Actually it was “backchat chipping away at your resolve micro piece
by micro piece,” (BP) and it hit me. Something clicked within me with regards
to the nature of back chat, of my back chat and of what it is doing to me and
in my life. I have been noticing that as I get closer to the end of my stay in
my hometown, and to the end of my semester at school, I’ve been feeling more
and more defeated. I’ve been feeling like I can’t handle the pressure, like
events in my life are ‘bigger than me’, and like I’ll never get through the end
of the semester. It’s a really shitty feeling. I feel plagued with self-doubt
and I feel like I’m in this endless battle with myself to just continue
applying myself as I have been doing. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My husband calls this the ‘home stretch’, and
he’s saying don’t give up now, and I agree. But what’s missing is my resolve.
The only thing is, which is kind of funny to me, is that it’s not being
replaced with a giving up or a stopping. It’s like, I’ve already proven to
myself that I can do this; I absolutely will not quit; stopping is simply not
an option…. So I’m just kind of in this limbo. And this is where my
understanding of back chat really clicked.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
have understood the concept of back chat (inner voices or negative self-talk…
Ive also heard it called self-defeating thoughts) for a long time, but it never
really clicked where I could see it clearly in my own life. It’s partly because
for me it’s not clear voices with words, it more like feelings and images, like
‘scenes’ which are accompanied by feelings and emotions. Like for the thought
‘what if I fail at school’ or ‘I fear failing at school’, I don’t get that
sentence or even any words, it’s more like this picture of me in my life, and
then the faces of all the people I feel I would disappoint, and then I imagine
the feeling of telling them I failed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have been having lots of thoughts along
these lines, and it has been chipping away at my resolve, so it’s time to rein them
in and start deleting them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Deleting
Backchat:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Failure:
(school)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
fear failing<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect failure with fear,
so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the thought of
failure with fear energy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failing because I
think/believe/perceive I will be exposed as a fraud.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that
I am smart/intelligent/bright, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing
myself to want/need/desire those around me to think/believe/perceive this of me
as well.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>If I feel I need others to
think/believe/perceive this about me then it means I don’t really think/believe/perceive
it about myself because I require the validation of ‘others’ outside of me. So
I have separated myself from being smart/intelligent/bright.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect being
smart/intelligent/bright with acceptance by the group.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire the
validation of others in order for me to feel smart/intelligent/bright.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from being
smart/intelligent/bright by wanting/needing/desiring these qualities and
thinking/believing/perceiving them as something to obtain outside of myself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to be seen
as smart/intelligent/bright, thus separating myself from being
smart/intelligent/bright and then creating the belief that I am not
smart/intelligent/bright and thus manifesting the fear that ‘’people’ will
‘find out’ that I’m not smart/intelligent/bright.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as
dumb/unintelligent/dull.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that
I am dumb/unintelligent/dull.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being
dumb/unintelligent/dull.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is bringing up a memory, one from second
grade, where I was placed into some kind of special class for ‘slow learners’.
At some point all the students would leave one classroom to go to another one,
and instead of going with them, I would go the other way to my special class. I
remember some students looking at me and in that moment I felt singled out. In
that moment I thought the other students were either wondering where I was
going, or if they knew that I was in this special class, and then I reflected
self-judgment off of them that I was not as smart/intelligent/bright as them. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The relevant points within this memory are:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">- the fact that I felt singled out and
different from the other students. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-I felt less-than (not as
smart/intelligent/bright as the ‘regular’ students)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-I defined myself by this memory (as
dumb/unintelligent/dull)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
hold on to this memory because <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">it was a moment
in my life where I allowed myself to be diminished my thoughts, feelings and
emotions instead of taking responsibility for them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I let myself
think these negative things about myself and then I believed them and carried
them with me, and allowed them to affect me in many other situations in my
life. So I used this memory to define myself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allowed myself
to use this memory as an excuse in many situations where I could have faced me
and pushed myself, but I instead withdrew and gave up because I believed it to
be real and true.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect thinking/perceiving/believing
myself to be dumb/unintelligent/dull to the memory of going to my special class
in second grade.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing the memory of going a separate way to
a special class to exist within and as me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing the memory of who I believed I was
and the experience of myself as being different, singled out and less than,
within going a separate way to a special class to exist within and as me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing a memory of myself as
dumb/unintelligent/dull to exist within and as me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing a memory of defining myself in one
moment as different and less-than, and as dumb/unintelligent/dull, to exist
within and as me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing a memory of self-judgment and the
fear or perception of judgment of others towards me asa being
dumb/unintelligent/dull to exist within and as me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of
going a separate way to a special class, feeling less-than and fearing the
judgment of others.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of
how I experienced myself as I walked away from the group and went a separate
way, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that
memory and feeling to be real or to be who I am.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of
defining or labeling myself as different and less-than the other students from
my class.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of
experiencing self-pity because I felt singled out and different.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect going to a special
class to self-pity and feeling less-than.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to this memory
because I could use it to sabotage myself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to this memory
because it confirmed the backchat that I was having at the time that I was
different and less than because school was hard for me and I felt all the other
students were having a good time and it was easy for them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to this memory
because it allowed me to pity myself instead of standing up from within my own
back chat.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Connection
to the Thought:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the fear of failing
to the feeling of being singled out and different than others.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the fear of failing
to the emotional experience of feeling ‘less-than’ others, and believing them
to be normal or regular and myself to be different or not as good.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the fear of failing
to the belief that I am dumb/unintelligent/dull- as I have defined myself by
memories.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by memories.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the fear of failure
to self-diminishing thoughts and the power I allow them to have within and as
me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to my
thoughts by believing them to be real and to be who I am.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
realize the fear of failure is not real, and all it does is cause distress
within me. This affects my work and is completely unnecessary as I take longer
and am less focused when I am working within a fear of failure.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
realize I have held on to a memory that I have used to define myself as not as
capable as others, and I have used this memory and definition as an excuse,
justification and reason to give up and fail in my life. This just creates a
vicious circle because then I juge myself and confirm the memory and
self-definition I created from it. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
do not allow myself to continue to hold on the memory of an experience I had in
second grade.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
do not accept or allow myself to hold on to this self-created definition of
myself a dumb/unintelligent/dull.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
do not allow myself to try to be seen as smart/intelligent/bright as a reaction
to my self-definition.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
do not accept or allow myself to fear failing because it is not who I am. So I
do not accept or allow myself to believe that if I fail it will change or prove
or confirm anything. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
understand why and how I have created this back chat, and I see how I have
utilized it in my life to diminish myself, and I no longer accept or allow this
self-diminishing behavior, I see it for what it is and I do not allow it. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I
bring myself back Here, out of my mind and in to my living reality, and I allow
myself to take my work one step at a time and to do each step the best I can.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When
I feel the thoughts coming up that I am ‘less-than’ or not ‘smart enough’ to do
my work cause there’s ‘something different/wrong with me’ I stop, and I
breathe. I bring myself back Here and delete these thoughts within the
understanding that they are not real and they do not serve me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-62542614090030422552012-03-17T17:37:00.000-07:002012-03-17T17:37:41.877-07:00Inner-Peace as Suppression<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Inner-Peace as Suppression<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Self-forgiveness
assists me to support myself to achieve an inner-silence or stillness that is
different than anything I’ve ever experienced before. It’s different because I
am, for the most part, in complete control of it. Meaning, I am completely
responsible for it, and when intrusive thoughts start to appear, I see them for
what they are. I see right through them and I know how to handle them. First, I
choose not to participate with them as soon as they appear, I focus on my
breath or my body or my physical surroundings (or all) and I keep myself Here
in awareness. The thoughts that come usually carry with them some kind of
emotional or feeling energy. Sometimes it’s stronger than others. When I notice
it I’ll usually look at it to see what is it and where did it come from and why
I may have brought it up. These questions can be answered by remembering
self-forgiveness I have already done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So, if it is for example, a thought about how my schoolwork is
accumulating and I start to feel overwhelmed, I’ll recognize the pattern as self-sabotage
where instead of starting to do my work I participate in overwhelming thoughts
and sabotage myself from the start by procrastinating. This happens every time
I have a big paper or exam and I procrastinate. I procrastinate because I feel
overwhelmed and I don’t want to face it. But now, when I see the thought
coming, and I look at it without participating in it, I see that it is
‘attached’ to this overwhelming feeling, so instead of participating within it
and becoming overwhelmed, I simply stop it, breathe, and I get started on my
work. Now I can use this particular pattern as a sign that I need to start
working right away, or else I will sabotage myself and create a situation where
everything is done at the last minute, and everything Is way more stressful
than It needs to be. When I handle the situation this way I end up building
self-confidence, self-reliance, self-trust, consistency, time management skills
and so much more.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Self-forgiveness
is like a skill in this way, or a tool. I use it when I’m interacting for
example with children. Yesterday I was babysitting my niece and nephew, and
they were tired so they were moody and acting up. It seemed as if every little
thing would send one or the other into a tantrum. Instead of becoming
frustrated and reacting by yelling or telling them to stop, I was able to clear
my mind and contemplate how best to handle the situation or even realize what
was causing the children themselves to react. I don’t always get it ‘right’,
but it always turns out better than if I participate in the frustration, the
anger, the impatience, and the lack of understanding that so often dominates
interaction with emotional children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The two scenarios
I described are but two examples of the multitude of ways in which the practice
of self-forgiveness has assisted and supported me in remaining quiet and stable
within myself so that I can handle situations in Life without becoming
influenced by the thoughts, feelings and emotions that so easily obscure
common-sense. Handling situations in this way builds a stronger, more stable me
that is capable of taking on Life no matter what comes my way. It is in these
types of ways that I have proven to myself the effectiveness of
self-forgiveness. But I also experience ‘negative’ proof of the effectiveness
of self-forgiveness, and that is when I don’t do it regularly and I experience
myself differently. When I don’t do self-forgiveness I start to get the mind
chatter. I’m less aware of the thoughts I’m thinking and the emotion or feeling
energy that is attached to them, so all of a sudden I am going through these
ups and downs throughout my day and I have less of an idea why or how I am
doing it to myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">An example of this
that I recently experienced was this past weekend when we had a house full of
guests. There were twelve people here, plus two dogs that we’re dog-sitting
(who can’t be together in the same room), plus I had to go to work and do my
homework. I didn’t do any self-writing or self-forgiveness the whole time
(using the excuse that I was too busy). I relied on past self-forgiveness,
understanding and self-realizations as a platform of self-support to keep me
stable throughout the experience, but along the way, many situations came up
that I did not write out in order to get to the bottom of them, and instead I
let myself ‘get away’ with them (instead of taking responsibility for them <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>by getting to the root of the problem within
me and changing). I had reactions to people for not handling the children in
the same way I would, I didn’t put aside enough time for my homework and fell
behind, there were underlying stresses for me within my family, and other such
things that can cause inner-irritation and dis-ease.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When everybody
left I was exhausted, but I went up to my room to do my homework. I found it incredibly
difficult- my head was full of accumulated thoughts, judgments and reactions from
the weekend that I was allowing to distract me from my work and preoccupy me.
This is when I tried to find ‘inner peace’ instead of using self-forgiveness. When
I realized I couldn’t work effectively and I needed to do something I went to
lay on the couch. I closed my eyes and I breathed. As everything started coming
up I simply pushed it back down. I looked for a stillness or an ‘inner peace’
but what I was getting was suppression. I again used the excuse that I didn’t
have time to write out self-forgiveness because I had to do my homework, so I
did not understand the things I was feeling because I had not written them out.
So instead of using the opportunity to look into these things that I am
reacting to and figuring out why and how I can change me to handle them
differently (in a way that supports me and assists me to move through
experiences without accumulating inner dis-ease and turmoil), I simply lay down
and tried to ignore them., I forced them down into myself so as not to have to
deal with them. And that is how I found ‘inner-peace’. I closed my eyes and
suppressed myself and in a sense, ‘shut my mind up’ forcibly, with no real
understanding or realizations. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is not
growth, and it is not building self-confidence or self-trust. It is rather
making the statement that I do not support me to stand up from within my
self-created inner-experience, and instead I accept me as this self-defeat.
Instead of bringing it out and untangling the mess I have created, I push it
down and try to feel ‘okay’ with myself ‘the way I am’. But this ‘way’ that ‘I
am’ is not the way nor the ‘I am’ that I accept or allow myself to be. However,
in trying to find that ‘inner-peace’ despite the obvious inner turmoil and
conflict, I am trying to force myself to ‘feel okay’ instead of taking
responsibility for myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The consequence of this
suppression was later outbursts of frustration and anger towards little events
that did not call for such reactions. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is the polar-opposite experience of
‘inner-peace’. I experienced these outbursts (within myself towards my parents,
for example, or the dogs, or my homework) because of my participation within
the polarity of an ‘inner-peace’ that was not based on real ‘peace’ in terms of
a self-confident understanding that I am directing myself and my world, but
rather a state of self-suppression. As I have said: this is not real ‘peace’,
it is escapism, trying to escape the world and everything in it, trying to hide
myself instead of taking responsibility for myself in every moment. It can be
tough sometimes (to take responsibility in every moment, write oneself out, do
self-forgiveness, etc…), but the alternative is constantly moving between chaos
and peace, and being a volatile person that can’t be trusted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Living in a state of continued suppression is
like living as a ticking time-bomb. I will not be that or expose anyone else to
that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have ‘snapped’
before, in my life. I hit my dog once, years ago when he kept chasing skunks;
I’ve said really mean things to people in moments of anger. Snapping or
participating within these outbursts as a result of built up
anger/frustration/irritation is never a beneficial thing. In fact, it is
usually even more destructive. Finding ‘inner-peace’ within inner-conflict
instead of taking it all out and facing it is destructive and harmful to
oneself, and if continued suppression in the form of finding ‘inner-peace’ is
used to deal with it, then that harmfulness and destructiveness will come out
and effect those in one’s life and one’s world. At least this is how I’ve
experienced it when I look back on my life. I have always regretted the things
I have done in moments of anger and frustration. I lost a ‘best friend’ because
of things I have said, and I have hurt people with my words. Finding
‘inner-peace’ is simply not an acceptable answer to life’s problems, in fact it
is the opposite. It is suppression and it will come out somewhere, somehow, at
a later time, and it will be an even bigger accumulation of emotional energy
that will be regretted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself
that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself in order to experience
‘inner peace’, instead of facing myself head on and addressing that which I am
preoccupying myself with by doing self-forgiveness, either out loud or written,
or at least making a note about it so I can do it when I have a chance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself
that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself and push myself down
within me instead of pulling myself out and dealing with my accepted and
allowed thought patterns in order to deal with them and thus take steps towards
full self-direction and self-responsibility.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself
that I accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself as procrastination
because I ‘choose’ to fall in the face of the resistances I manifest for myself
towards facing myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself
that I accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that ‘I’m too busy’ to
avoid facing myself within and through writing self-forgiveness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself
that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘choose’ to fall in the face of
self-created resistances instead of standing up for myself in every moment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself
that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate because it’s ‘easier’,
instead of taking responsibility for myself. Within this I forgive myself that
I accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that procrastination is
easier when it is actually putting something off to accumulate and become
bigger, harder and more complicated later.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself
that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to manifest resistances towards <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>writing self-forgiveness and towards facing
me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself
that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear facing me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself
that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take complete responsibility for
myself and my world, by allowing my thoughts to direct me, instead of directing
myself in the moment, and by suppressing me to face myself as a bigger problem
later instead of facing myself in the moment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself
that I accepted and allowed myself to participate within the polarity of peace
and conflict, and peace and chaos by participating in the chaos of a full house
instead of breathing and focusing on staying present in awareness in every
moment, then by searching for ‘inner peace’ as an ‘escape’, and then <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>afterwards by participating within and as the
inner experience of ‘outbursts’ of frustration and anger towards small events
in my life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself
that I accepted and allowed myself to utilize the search for, or attempt at
‘inner peace’ as an escape, to escape from the consequences of my participation
in all the energies of a family visit, and all the thoughts, feelings,
emotions, judgments and reactions that I created and preoccupied myself with
afterwards. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself
that I accepted and allowed myself to search for or attempt to achieve ‘inner
peace’ because of suppressed guilt for past actions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself
that I accepted and allowed myself to search for or attempt to achieve ‘inner
peace’ because of my guilt for all the times I have reacted to and judged
others during visits, and then accepting and allowing myself to participate
within these judgments and reaction after they leave, instead of remaining
present and aware during the visit and not participating in judgments and
reactions, and also instead of realizing that the only judgment is
self-judgment, and that is something I need to address within me, as me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself
that I accepted and allowed myself to search for or attempt to manifest ‘inner peace’
instead of dealing with past guilt for all the times I participated in
‘outbursts’ of anger and frustration, wherein I said things I didn’t mean, or
did things I knew I shouldn’t do, simply to release myself of my anger and
frustration as an outward projection so that I ‘feel better’ in the moment. I
realize that this is complete self-interest because that ‘feeling better’ is
not real and is achieved at the expense of those around me. It is only
temporary, and much like my participation within ‘inner peace’, it is an action
that accumulates consequences and creates bigger problems for me to deal with.
I realize I would rather take self-responsibility and deal with myself and my
manifestations in the moment because that is the simplest and most efficient
way to do it. I also realize that I would rather consider those around me as
one with me, and take responsibility for myself instead of lashing out at those
around me because I do not accept or allow myself to project my frustration and
anger on to others because that is not a solution.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Redefining Words: Peace<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Peace (+)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Quiet<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Calm<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Still<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Nothingness<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Alone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to charge the word peace with a positive charge/value.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to judge the word ‘peace’ as good/right/positive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘peace’ by judging it as
good/right/positive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to connect the word ‘peace’ with the word ‘quiet’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to define the word ‘peace’ within the word ‘quiet’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘peace’ and from the word
‘quiet’ by defining the word ‘peace’ within the word ‘quite’ in separation of
myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to connect the word peace to the word ‘calm’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to define the word ‘peace’ within the word ‘calm’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘peace ‘ and from the word
‘calm’ by defining the word ‘peace’ within the word ‘calm’ in separation of
myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to connect the word ‘peace’ with the word ‘still’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to define the word ‘peace’ within the word ‘still’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘peace’ and from the word
‘still’ by defining the word ‘peace’ within the word ‘still’ in separation of
myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to connect the word ‘peace’ with the word ‘nothingness’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to define the word ‘peace’ within the word ‘nothingness’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘peace’ and from the word
‘nothingness’ by defining the word ‘peace’ within the word ‘nothingness’ in
separation of myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to connect the word ‘peace’ with the word ‘alone’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to define the word ‘peace’ within the word ‘alone’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘peace’ and from the word’ alone’
by defining the word ‘peace’ within the word ‘alone’ in separation of me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Peace- my current allocation:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Quiet, Calm, Still, Nothingness,
Alone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dictionary definition:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">cessation of or freedom from any strife or dissension. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">EXPAND<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b><span style="color: #7b7b7b; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">6. </span></b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety, an
obsession, etc.; tranquillity; serenity. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b><span style="color: #7b7b7b; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">7. </span></b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">a state of tranquillity or serenity: </span><i><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">May he rest in
peace. </span></i><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b><span style="color: #7b7b7b; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">8. </span></b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">a state or condition conducive to, proceeding from, or
characterized by tranquillity: </span><i><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">the peace of a mountain resort. </span></i><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b><span style="color: #7b7b7b; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">9. </span></b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 5pt;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">silence; stillness: </span><i><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The cawing of a crow broke the
afternoon's peace. </span></i><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Although this definition looks
attractive as an <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">idea</i>, it offers no
practical way to achieve it within oneself. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sounds like: appease, wherein I
appease myself within and through suppression to, for a moment, experience some
kind of peace.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Or: piece, wherein only a ‘piece’
of me is peaceful, and so I focus only on that one piece instead of taking the
entirety of myself into consideration.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So, my new definition for the word
peace (with regards to, specifically, ‘inner-peace’) is:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Breathing as self in awareness, to
remain self-honest within and through any and all situations and walking them
through to stability. Finding practical solutions to
problems/friction/conflict, and walking those solutions as the practical application
of them as Who I Am.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-76281737192756379512012-02-24T16:04:00.000-08:002012-02-24T16:04:23.880-08:00Anger in Focus<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My experience with school throughout my life has not been an easy one for me. I was placed in special classes for slow learners at a young age and since then I have not really applied myself. I have always struggled in school and have had much difficulty with focus and my attention span. I have never been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, but I have also never been tested. I found I was able to slip through the cracks in highschool and get by, passing all my classes. In college however, it was a different story, and I flunked out after my first year.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have been appliying the <a href="http://desteni.org/">Desteni</a> tools for about 2 years. I started off slow and was impatient and overwhelmed by it at first, however, as I kept applying them I have been able to slow myself down and sort myself out. Within the Desteni proess I have pushed myself to go back to school- something I always wanted to do but was too scared to take the leap. Going back to school has involved me moving far away from my husband and the life we were creating together. It required me to humbly ask him to put our life on 'pause' for 2 years while I get my university degree. It also involved financial circumstances that would have otherwise freaked me out, but we have found ways to make it work by using the resources available to us. Needless to say, it has not been as simple as just signing up for some classes. I have had to reorganize my entire life to make this work, I utilized the Desteni tools to keep myself grounded throughout, and I am slowly walking this process now fully committed. The proof has been 'in the pudding' as they say. So within this blog I am tackling ADD-like tendencies that have caused me a lot of problems throughout my academic career, and in truth, I'm sick of it. I am fed up and I am ready to take the bull by the horns. Here I am writing out this point of anger and frustration within focusing myself on reading:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yesterday I pushed
myself through a possession while I was reading. I managed to do this for about
20 minutes. What came up was anger and discomfort within me wherein I become
all fidgety and uncomfortable within myself as I pushed myself to focus on the
text. I realized that this is not the case for every text, it only occurs when
the text is more difficult, or when I am under the impression that I ‘have to’
read it by the demand of some authority. I have realized within my writing that
I experience conflict within myself in terms of authority. It was not
immediately obvious to me because I have not consistently ‘fought’ authority
outright, only on a few rare occasions. On those occasions it was like an
explosions of built up anger and resentment for ‘being told what to do’, or
doing things I did not like doing and participating in backchat that the
authority was not ‘just’, and then feeling angry at myself for fearing that
authority, and complying out of fear.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Within the point about the text
being difficult, I realized that I was angry at the author for not explaining
concepts simply. I felt judgmental towards the author because I felt his text
was self-masturbation, I felt the examples were irrelevant to the real world, I
felt I had better arguments than him and reading his text was a waste of my
time. Within this I see ego revealing itself and upon this realization I feel
embarrassed like I have been ‘called out’. I have been called out because I am
calling myself out: I do not accept or allow myself to participate in ego
because it is not serving me in any way, and it is in fact getting in the way
of my education due to its distracting me with anger and bringing me into a
possession wherein I can’t focus on my readings..<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Authority<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to resent authority.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to react in anger towards the thought of authority.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to be and become angry at the authorities in my life because I
have not lived as an example of authority equal and one with myself, meaning, I
have not been an authority of me in many areas of my life. Within this, I
realize that when another demands of me to complete a task it is not their
authority I am really reacting to, but rather my own lack of authority over and
as myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to lack self-authority.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to define authority as bad/wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to charge the word authority with a negative charge.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to judge authority outside myself as just and unjust, instead
of realizing that real authority can only ever come from within.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to judge myself for lacking self-authority.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to be and become angry with myself for lacking self-authority.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to be and become frustrated within myself for lacking
self-authority.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to participate in the validation, excuses and justifications
that have allowed me to develop a lack of self-authority over time. In other
words, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, in moments where
self-authority is/was required of me, to instead abdicate my
self-responsibility to my mind of/as excuses, validations and justifications
and to instead not move me within and as self-authority.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to separate myself from authority within the belief that it must
only come from a figure of authority outside of me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to separate myself from authority figures in my world/the
world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for not accepting
and allowing myself to be and become equal to and one with authority within me,
as self-authority, wherein I decide me and move me according to self-honesty
and self-trust.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing my anger and frustration towards authority to build up and accumulate
within me, causing me to lose focus and become distracted, which triggers an
entire pattern of anger/frustration/lack of authority.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Within this I
realize that I am reacting to the point of authority as authority figures in my
life because I have not accepted or allowed myself to develop self-authority
over time, but have rather abdicated this responsibility to others, forcing
them to ‘keep after me’ instead of me moving myself. I then become resentful
and angry towards these outside authorities because I am projecting my own
anger and frustration towards myself for not taking the necessary steps to be
and become equal to and one with self-authority.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to believe that authority is an imposition upon me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to feel/believe that authorities must be obeyed out of fear.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to fear authority and authority figures in my life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to obey authority out of fear.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to move myself to obey authority out of fear of consequences.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for NOT accepting
and allowing myself to move myself within self-honesty and self-trust, but to
instead abdicate that responsibility on to others who I regard as authorities.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I am less-than authority, and I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that
an authority is bigger/stronger/more powerful than me, instead of realizing myself
as equal to and one within and as self-authority and living this realization as
who I am.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I define
self-authority as moving me within self-honesty and self-trust, to live the
words I speak. Within this, I understand that there are going to be certain
things in life that I will have strong resistances towards for whatever reason,
and I will, within self-authority, push myself to walk through these
resistances and to change myself within and as them. I realize that I have to
live in this system and work and go to school, and in order to work within and
through this system and these responsibilities effectively I must be an
authority in my own life, and not rely upon the authority of others to ensure
that I see it through.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I accept and allow myself to be the
self-authority that I require me to be with/for/as me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I accept and allow myself to take
the self-responsibility necessary in order for me to be and become
self-authority.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I accept and allow myself to be and
become one with and equal to the self-authority that I am.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself, in situations where
I require to see something through, to assert myself within and as
self-authority.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Within the point
about the text being difficult, I realized that I was angry at the author for
not explaining concepts simply. I felt judgmental towards the author because I
felt his text was self-masturbation, I felt the examples were irrelevant to the
real world, I felt I had better arguments than him and reading his text was a
waste of my time. Within this I see ego revealing itself and upon this
realization I feel embarrassed like I have been ‘called out’. I have been
called out because I am calling myself out: I do not accept or allow myself to
participate in ego because it is not serving me in any way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Text is Difficult:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to experience a reaction of anger to/towards the author of a
text when I judge the text as ‘difficult’ or ‘complex.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to judge a text as difficult instead of changing my approach to
reading that text, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing
myself to judge the author of a text because I have not taken the self-responsibility
to change my approach to the reading.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">By ‘changing my
approach to reading’ I mean, for example, to set up an area that is clean and
clear, with a dictionary close by, and to allow myself to take the text
bit-by-bit, and take breaks in between. I can also read a bit of text and then
sit with it for a moment to absorb it, before moving on to the next bit. I can
prepare myself by writing myself out, out speaking self-forgiveness out loud
before I begin reading, in order to make sure my mind is clear as well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to participate within and as the egoic reaction of believing a
text to be above or below me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to participate within the polarity of being above/below the
ideas presented within a text, instead of realizing that whether or not I agree
with the author, I can take the time to understand his/her argument without
judgment/ego.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for NOT accepting
and allowing myself to take the time to focus and understand an author’s
arguments because of my participation within ego and judgment which creates
backchat within me which causes anger and frustration.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to participate within backchat while reading certain specific
texts, and In that, creating the energetic experience of
anger/frustration/discomfort within me which I project on to the author of the
text. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to blame the author of the text for the anger that I create
within and as myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for NOT accepting
and allowing myself to realize that I am experiencing anger and frustration
towards myself for desiring to ‘give up’ on trying to understand the text.
Within this ‘giving up’ is a giving up on myself, which I have in fact
participated in many times with regards to reading and concentration.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to ‘give up’ on myself when I am confronted with what I define
as ‘difficult’ texts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to, in moments of not understanding, become angry and
frustrated (and ‘give up’ on me) instead of taking a moment to ‘cool down’ or
clear my head and push through the resistance of making my way through a
‘difficult’ text.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to desire to give up on myself when things are tough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to participate within and as the idea that ‘it would be easier
to give up on myself’ when I am confronted with a difficult task.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to participate in a pattern of giving up on me which has
accumulated into the resistances I now face within reading difficult texts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to feel defeated when confronting difficult texts because of
the belief that I am not capable of understanding. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I realize that within giving up and
not pushing myself to direct myself through different approaches to reading
‘difficult’ texts, I am allowing myself to be and become the living statement
that ‘I can’t do it’. I do not accept or allow this belief to exist within and
as me because in reality I have never actually really asserted myself to stand
within this situation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I accept and allow myself to be the
patience and persistence that I am in order to read and understand texts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I accept and allow be self to be
assertiveness, and to assert myself in situations that require me to push
through or try new approaches.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept or allow myself to
be the living statement that ‘I can’t do it’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept or allow myself to
participate in ego and judgment of either the author or the text itself, when
reading assigned readings for classes or any other texts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In situations when
I feel myself growing angry, frustrated, agitated and uncomfortable when I’m
reading I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the
understanding that I am playing out patterns of anger, frustration and ego. I
allow myself in the moment to take the opportunity to stop this pattern before
it starts, and change my approach to one that is based in patience and
understanding. I understand how I created this pattern, and I move myself to
create a more comfortable situation for myself so that I can push through the resistance,
or take a small break if that is what I require. What I will not accept or
allow myself to do is give up on me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-52209049858941204402012-02-23T17:14:00.002-08:002012-02-23T17:15:23.271-08:00Looking at a Pattern<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I woke up this morning, still feeling a little sick, and as
I came downstairs to begin my day I felt a familiar pattern coming. I was
really tired and my eyes were having trouble opening as I came down stairs. My
head was heavy because of congestion and my feet were heavy. Within all this I
judged myself as looking like a big ogre<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>fumbling around because I was still ‘half-asleep’. When I looked in the
mirror I was surprised not to see a horrific sight. I just saw me, tired. And I
felt bad for having judged myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge
myself in the mornings when I am tired and not ‘all done up’ and ‘ready to go’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to begin
my day within immediate self-judgment without stopping myself and bringing
myself back Here in awareness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>judge myself and to base my inner experience
upon that judgment that is not even real.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to depend
on the mind to dictate who or what I am upon waking up, instead of waking up in
awareness and walking into the day as self-trust and self-direction.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The familiar pattern I felt was that ‘everything is a hard
task’ and ‘I can do it later when I feel better’. Do it ‘later’ as if, at some
later time I will feel perfect and I will have changed and I will have no
problems moving me. But not now, now I have a whole list of excuses ready as to
why I cannot do things right now. The pattern consist of the belief that I have
to do everything right away, right now or else I’ll never do it, it will
accumulate until it I too big, and it will become unmanageable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This has, in the past, been a familiar play out. I had been
struggling with this one before Desteni- before I had the tools to deal with it
effectively. It is severe procrastination, and then it gets too big just
throwing my hands up and saying ‘fuck it’, I’m not dealing with this. And then
Life becomes this huge ball of accumulated consequences which I am still
dealing with in so many ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“The sins
of the past” as my dentist would say, as the consequences come back to haunt
me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I remind myself here that the only way through this is to
take one thing at a time, and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to take it
in a specific, well-directed way, in order to work through all the consequences
of the past so that I can start doing it ‘the right way’ from the beginning.
The ‘right way’ meaning, not in terms of right and wrong, but in terms of self-direction
and procrastination- to direct my world right away, as things come up, and to
see them through to completion, without any reactions. Reactions are not
necessary, but it is almost impossible not to react when I put things off. It
is really self-sabotage because not only do I set myself up to continue to
experience the consequences of it, but I also set myself up to react, to judge
myself, to feel insecure because I haven’t proven my self-trust that I will do
what I need to do. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I put things off it’s because of extreme resistances
that I believe to be true/real but are not. This means I am still depending on
my internal experience of myself to dictate who and how I am, and what I am
able to do and not do. This leaves me within absolute abdication to my mind,
which is like an ogre that fumbles around and barely makes it through the day. I
do not allow this to be who I am.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Every time I push through these make believe walls I am
fine, I come out on the other side having expanded and having gained a little
bit of myself back. Every time I stand up in the face of my beliefs that I am
not able, I give a little of myself back to me, as the most precious gift
anyone could ever give themselves. One which only I can give me because I am
the one who ‘gave myself away’ in the first place. I gave myself away to the
beliefs that I am too weak or too small to stand in the face of my very own
beliefs. I created those beliefs, so now I am responsible to un-create them,
which involves constantly and consistently reminding myself that they are not
who I am, they do not dictate what I am capable of, and they do not represent
my limitations. I have proven to myself time and time again that I am able to
direct myself and my world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I have spent my whole life believing I am whatever my
mind conjures up. I have spent decades believing I am limited to that which my
mind conjures up, and the multitude of limitations my mind bombards me with so
as not to have to face me, my life, reality. Till here no further. I will not
continue on with this charade of limitation. I allow myself now, to step beyond
my beliefs as limitations, and into the world of unscripted self-direction.
This is where I decide who, what and how I am, and I will not decide until I
push myself to see just how far I can go. But this involves patience, as I
gently push me, little by little, every day. Constant and consistent
application is the only way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-62947868968412412042012-02-04T22:46:00.000-08:002012-02-04T22:46:19.170-08:00Sharing Desteni with Friends and Family<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I first found and started watching the Desteni videos I kept it to myself. I projected this belief that the internet has a stigma, and anything found online that goes against normally accepted standards and practices was in a category along with conspiracy theories, crazy people, paranoia, and/or just plain lies. Before I started watching, learning and understanding the Desteni material, I had been watching lectures by people like Maurice Cotterell, I especially liked the one where he proposed a new design for the atom, one that explained how or why they don’t just spring apart. It made sense, and I liked the fact that he was challenging modern science, which I felt left open a lot of holes and lack of understanding, even though it seemed to claim to ‘have all the answers.’</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As I watched and understood things like this, I began sharing them with my husband and family. They found it very interesting too. It was a very different path for me to be taking, becoming interested in all this stuff. What I was really interested in was questioning the norm, questioning my accepted beliefs and questioning reality, and I really liked looking into people who were doing the same thing, but actually coming up with better answers. However, I found talking about it all got old fast, because what was the point? Telling people about it wasn’t going to change anything, all it did was upset people’s worldviews. And for what? Nothing, because learning all this stuff was really just filling my head with facts and theories and beyond that – nothing happened. It was just entertainment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I accepted that. I decided that it was just entertainment and I would keep it to myself as a hobby or interest when I have nothing to do because I didn’t have television at the time.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But then I happened upon a Desteni video. It really struck me to the core. I watched some more because I really wanted to understand what was being said. I began to think of all my questions that were left unanswered by the other people and groups, only to find that Desteni addressed literally every single question I had. It answered it in full detail, and it fit the answer in to the bigger whole or reality. I kept it to myself because I felt I had already gone overboard with talking about other stuff I had seen online, and Desteni material was quite challenging, not to reality or worldviews, but to who we are as people within that reality. How our own internal nature created that reality, thus making us responsible in every way, and this responsibility starts with ourselves. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In a way, this is all quite empowering, because once you take responsibility for something you then have the power to change it. This is a huge part of the understanding or message of Desteni. The more responsibility we take for ourselves and our reality, the more we can change it, so let’s start right now because there’s a lot of suffering going on. Slowly I learned about self-forgiveness and I tried it out for myself. I had seen it actually working with other people online, and I could really relate to what they were going through, so I began to do it, and it began to work for me too. This is when my desire to share Desteni became strong. Here I had found something that was totally empowering, that worked, that could actually give you back complete control over your life, and I was doing it myself, and it was changing my life so much, so of course I wanted to share it with those I cared about. However the portal aspect of it was a big problem for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was really worried that people would think I was crazy for accepting the existence of such a thing. I would have.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had really been on a self-created mission before I found Desteni, one that was challenging my worldview like crazy because I was fed up with not understanding the world and reality, and with all sorts of unexplained things. I had previously felt quite limited by my scepticism in anything even slightly occult or supernatural. I was challenging myself to be open minded, by reading Jung and watching the videos online that I mentioned before, Maurice Cotterell about the atom and he also goes into astrology, and other science like string theory and quantum physics. This was really pushing my limits, so when I came upon Desteni I had become open-minded. I remember reading Jung’s “Memories, Dream and Reflections” where he talks about all sorts of strange and bizarre stuff happening in his life. I would literally pass out because my mind would just shut down at the thought of these things. I could not accept it. But that made me mad, because here I had come to respect Jung and his work for quite some time, and now I was reading this book about occult phenomena and I was physically unable to accept it. I forced myself to finish the book, even though it took months. I had gone through something in that period where I had to physically force myself to have an open mind. I realized and was very aware that I had gone through this, so when I thought about sharing Desteni, which in included the portal aspect, I thought to myself that my friends and family are probably in the position I was in before I forced myself to be open minded. If I look at myself back then, I see that I would in no way, shape or form accept the existence of the portal, and I would distance myself from anyone who believed in such things. So I was really worried about being ostracized. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I became more comfortable with self-forgiveness and self-honesty, and as I applied them and started to empower myself to not be controlled by my fear of what others may think, and as I understood that I am my own person and no one can take that away from me or diminish me, I shared Desteni. I told my husband about it. He was reasonably sceptical. I showed him a video or two and he didn’t really believe in it, although he heard what was being said, he felt the messenger was unnecessary, and that it was a good gimmick and good marketing. I was disappointed, but I left it at that.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I told a neighbour about it and he thought it was just plain crazy. Then I got a new job in a kitchen with a bunch of other girls. I started talking to them about the empowering things I has been learning about. I could see they were affected by it. So when I was over at the house of the girl I had really clicked with, I decided to show her a video. She watched one and felt it had enough red flags to be considered a cult. I didn’t tell her that all the stuff I had been talking about at work came from these videos. I just dropped it. That’s when I stopped trying to share it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As time went on though, Desteni become an increasingly big part of my life, as I was becoming more driven and more dedicated to myself, and I was really changing myself. My husband always asks me what I’m thinking, and before, when I was thinking about Desteni, I would lie so I didn’t have to talk about it. But as I began to become more self-honest, I realized, this is who I am, I can’t deny the impact this is all having on me, I’m going to start being honest about it, and if he decides I’m crazy and wants to leave me, then that is what I’ll have to deal with. So I began to talk about it only when he would happen to ask, or if it were relevant to the conversation. It was not easy, but I stood my ground. It’s still not exactly comfortable, but we communicate very well and we have explained to each other where we stand and what we think. He doesn’t have to believe it or accept it, that doesn’t really affect me. But he sees the change and he listens to how I work things out with my tools, and that is undeniable because he witnesses it with his own eyes. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now I talk about it with him whenever I want because I know he has accepted the fact that this is what I do now and the results have really not affected our relationship. Because the tools have made me ‘more me’, my involvement with the material has actually benefitted my relationship. I am more open and honest with him about everything, and we are creating an environment of self-honesty and trust within which we can share ourselves with each other freely and unconditionally. It’s really actually quite amazing. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have decided not to talk about Desteni directly with my family. I only speak to them about things that I have lived for myself, meaning <i>I</i> have become the ‘source’ of the information because I am not talking about what someone else did or said, I talk only about what I did or how I handled something for myself. I talk to them about the leadership training, the group in South Africa, the principles and practices, the equal money system.... basically everything but the portal. I will let that come out in time, allowing them to decide when. But the reality is that the portal aspect of the whole thing can be completely removed, and nothing really changes. I don’t feel as if I’m hiding anything from my family because I’m telling them about everything I’m doing, exactly what my plans are, and how I’m doing it all. They know where I stand and what I stand for, and I enjoy talking about it all with them very much. I happened upon Desteni on my own, so maybe one day they will do the same and then they can figure out for themselves where they stand. And no matter how they react, I will stand by everything I have said and done, because I have lived and proven it for myself.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In terms of friends- I don’t talk about it. I don’t see them often enough for them to see the kind of effect or impact I am having on myself by applying the tools, so it’s not in their reality. They are all on facebook where I share my process, so I have no idea how much they know or how much attention they give it. There was a time when I was too scared to share any of it online, but I realized that I found it for myself online, so it would be selfish to just keep it for myself and hide my involvement. I realize that the more people that know about this and become involved in it- the better, because it creates an awareness about who you are and how the world is, and it will be a catalyst for change because it’s about taking responsibility, and the responsibility is undeniable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If people call me crazy well, like I said, I don’t really see anybody often enough for it to have a real impact on me, so it doesn’t really matter. And if I share myself unconditionally, people will see the change in me, and it will be undeniable as it is for those around me. But I’m still working on sharing myself unconditionally and making videos etc... because of who I was before I pushed myself to have an open mind. I would have been one of the ones calling ‘witch’ and ‘cult’. Definitely- that was me. So now I fear that in others, but with self-forgiveness, I’ll get over that too.</span></div></div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-64667635349835290272012-02-04T22:44:00.000-08:002012-02-05T19:21:49.492-08:00Why I’m worth stopping obsessive patterns and disciplining myself in every moment.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When I’m moving through my day without any structure imposed upon me I have the tendency to become ‘lazy’ with my application. This is really shitty and hard for me to admit, because when I have a job or a deadline, I’m usually really good at moving myself. But when I have nothing but me to push me and move me, I’ve noticed I can get sloppy. The consequences of this are that I end up not having time to do all the things I want to do. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But why bother? Why should I stop and face myself, when I can dilly-dally the day away without any real or immediate consequence. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">First of all, I already see the self-deception and self-manipulation within the sentence ‘without any real or immediate consequences,” because I know very well that the consequences are very real and immediate. So reason number one is to avoid unnecessary consequences. The consequences are self-sabotage, wherein I take step backwards and ‘undo’ my progress. There’s also the physical damage I am doing to my skin, plus, the desire to pick it becomes greater when I’m not disciplined with me, because it stresses me out when I show myself that I’m not willing to do this for me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It’s like when dogs get stressed out because there’s no alpha to keep them in line. I need to be my own alpha! It’s not easy, at all, but I<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>am all I have, so if I can’t do this for myself then I am making the statement that I am nothing, I am not worth it, and I don’t deserve it. The truth is, I have been living within and as those beliefs for a while now, and it fucking sucks. It really has the potential to become a living hell, when all you do is compromise yourself and diminish yourself in this way, as I have done, or taught myself to do to cope with Life.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But the thing is, I am Here, existing, living, doing, being- and nothing’s going to just magically change. I have to change me, therefore, I have to be the directive principle and lead myself to change, which involves discipline and structure. In this way, the ends and the means are the same thing, and it all leads to my own inner peace, as well as strength and stability, self-trust which creates confidence, integrity. Self-honesty which creates clarity and space within me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I actually enjoy my experience of myself when I do these things for me, so I am at the same time creating a self that is worth facing myself for. In facing myself and changing, I am creating a self that is worthy, that is deserving and a self that is everything really, because me, myself, is everything of me. So, why push myself to discipline myself and gain structure and self-movement? Because it gives me my life back and it creates me as an actual enjoyable experience of myself, which I had lost for a while there. Now I’m taking it back, and at the same time, giving it back to me because only I can separate myself like that. In this way, I am giving myself the gift of Life, which I am worthy of, which I deserve and which I am already.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Self first, because if we don't have ouselves, we have nothing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div></div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-74697760610548280792012-02-03T21:18:00.000-08:002012-02-03T21:18:03.286-08:00Little Baby Kimberly<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Points have been coming up with regards to living with my parents for the past little while. I was not expecting this, but it's a great opportunity to explore myself through the reactions I have been having.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my parents within an emotional reaction of anger, frustration and annoyance.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry with my parents because<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel they are undermine my independence by trying to ‘parent’ me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my parents in anger because when they act like ‘parents’ to me, I feel they are not seeing that I am a mature, self-responsible adult who is capable of navigating her way through this world.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself by looking at me and defining/judging myself as ‘a mature and self-responsible girl who is capable of navigating her way through this world.’</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need my parents to recognize that I am ‘mature and self-responsible’, and that they need to show me they have recognized it by treating me differently than they have been treating me for the last 30 years.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to realize how ridiculous these reactions are, but how serious it is that I have allowed them to limit and define me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe/feel that I need my parents validation in the form of them treating me like a grown-up/adult/mature person, in order to accept myself as grown-up/adult/mature/self-responsible.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I accept and allow myself to validate my maturity, self-responsibility, adultness and grown-up-ness by actually living as these things in my daily life.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my self-responsibility by thinking/believing/perceiving that if my parents treated me a certain way I would in fact be a different way. Only I can change me, and those around me may never treat me differently no matter how much I change, so I might as well stop waiting (I’m only ever waiting for me).</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my self-responsibility with the excuse that I’m waiting for others to validate my change to prove to me that it’s real.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s real.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to stop waiting for others to recognize my self-change, I let go of the expectation that others should treat me differently, and I allow myself to simply change me Here, breath by breath, without the need for<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>any form of validation or recognition whatsoever.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept or allow myself to rely on others, specifically my parents, to tell me who or what or how I am.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept or allow myself to fall back into old patterns of the parent-child relationship I was brought up with because they are comfortable and familiar.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define taking self-responsibility as hard and falling into the role of daughter as easy.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept or allow these patterns, habits and ‘the way people treat me’ to affect who or how I am.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that my parents/family/environment has limited me. Only I have limited myself within the belief that I am defined by my parents/family/environment.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within the belief that my parents/family/environment defines me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think or believe that I need to define me in order to know who and how I am, or who and how to be. I direct me to become who I am as Life in every moment and every breath.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to walk into the uncertainty of not defining me, and not scripting out who I am/will be within a given situation, I allow myself to walk in self-trust with the tools of self-honesty and self-forgiveness and self-direction in every moment.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing anger, frustration and annoyance towards my parents/environment to exist within and as me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and become angry/anger, frustrated/frustration, annoyed/annoyance within and because of my accepted and allowed backchat, and my reactions to it, instead of breathing Here, in awareness and self-direction.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the backchat of the mind when my parents ‘parent’ me through giving me advice, making sure I have everything I need, checking to see how I’m doing, talking to me like a child, and asking me questions.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be or become frustrate by myself because I have accepted and allowed this pattern to constantly and continuously repeat within and as me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as annoyed because of separation as blame to/towards my parents because I believe they are ‘causing me’ to react, when in fact it is me reacting to my own backchat and insecurity as I reflect my self-judgment back to myself through my parents.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself through self-judgment as I look at or see myself through the eyes of my parents, instead of realizing I am only judging myself through my own eyes, and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am projecting my own beliefs of who I think my parents want me to be.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project a thought/idea/belief of ‘who I think my parents want me to be’ onto my parents, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to ‘be that’ to/towards them. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel or react within and as frustration, anger or annoyance because I am not being myself, or because I, in self-judgment, think believe or perceive that I am not ‘that’ which I desire to be, because of my projected belief of what I ‘should be’ as a ‘good daughter’ according to what I think or believe my parents ‘want’ me to be, which is actually my own projection.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to let go of these thoughts, ideas and beliefs of what I think I should be as a ‘good daughter’, and I allow myself to just be.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to be the self-direction that I need to be in order to not continue the patterns of reactions that are enslaving me and which are abusive to myself and those around me as I react to them.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to be the discipline I require myself to be to stop myself from participating in the mind of thoughts, feelings, emotions, reactions and backchat, specifically here with regards to my parents and my interaction with them.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to breathe though my reactions to my parents ‘parenting me’, and find the humour within and as this situation, as it is quite ‘typical,’ and any attempt for me to change it is pointless, I can only change me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I notice myself going into an emotional reaction of anger, frustration and/or annoyance to/towards my parents I STOP, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within and as humour/laughter, as I laugh in the face of my ego, which is apparently so fragile that my mother can topple it with a glance and my dad can crush it with his presence. I realize that the only way to transcend this point is by stopping my reaction to it, and by realizing that all the validation in the world won’t change who I am, only I can change me through self-direction and self-movement, within self-honesty, in time.</span></div></div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-2330965858649540322012-02-02T22:27:00.000-08:002012-04-20T11:51:48.311-07:00Stopping My Reaction to Disagreement - Learning to Live as an Equal<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I want to write out the point that caused me to react when an individual responded to my blog.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I felt scared, fear, why?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear-based reaction when I saw that someone had responded a long response to my blog.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear a being’s reaction to my blog because it all of a sudden made it ‘real’, as in, something I had to stand by.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear standing by my words as an act of self-responsibility.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility for myself in every moment/every way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to write a blog and post it without first checking to see if I can stand by each word and statement within it. And, if I did check, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within self-doubt, wherein I allowed myself to doubt my words, my principles and my understanding of the system. I stand within and as self-responsibility within knowing that if I am ever wrong I will stand corrected, because my goal is not to be right, it is to understand, to become equal and one to the reality that is here within that understanding, and that will involve learning things for the first time, which inevitably means I will be wrong about things.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear being wrong about things, instead of realizing that I am in a learning process.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to learn within and as and according to myself as ego, instead of realizing that only myself as ego gets hurt and bruised, and within that I ‘get in the way’ of learning as one and equal to the information that is here. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Within this statement I see a belief or perception of myself as ‘already knowing’, or even superiority, because if I fear being ‘knocked down’ it means I hold the idea, perception or belief that I am ‘up’ ‘above’, because only then can I believe I am able to be knocked down.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am diminished if I am wrong.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe I can be diminished/diminish myself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear being wrong for fear of losing my credibility.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a personality that requires credibility to exist, when in fact I am Here, unquestionably existing. Only something that is not real, such as a created personality, requires being credible/believed by others. If I feel the need to convince others into believing something about me/of me, then that is deception indicating I am not already living it into reality/myself as the living application.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live myself out as personalities that are not real and require me to act in ways that I perceive are ‘credible’ to others outside of me, instead of making myself real through the directed living application of the principles I stand by.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In this way, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use deception to create and feed the personalities I live within and as. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to let go of these created personality manifestations and to instead live Here, real, physical.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe I am ‘already knowing’, thus separating myself within and as knowledge and information which I believe myself to possess. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I realize that I only truly ‘know’ that which I have understood and lived into application through my action/living application in the physical.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive myself to be superior because of knowledge that I have collected and gathered as if it were a possession. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by my possession of knowledge, within which I believe myself to be superior to another, instead of realizing that nobody is above anybody else, we are one group, and we are all equal in the physical.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to be the humility required to exist one and equal to what’s Here.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that knowledge and information is something tangible that I can possess to make me more than I am. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I realize that in holding the belief that ‘I can be more’ necessarily implies that I believe myself to be less -than.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to be what I am, Here in the physical, and to let go of the energetic desire to be more than what I am, and to let go of the energetic belief that I am less than what I am. What I am is a physical being, Here.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that being a physical being Here is limited, because of the experience of the unlimited indulgence of the mind.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that the mind of thoughts, feeling and emotions is unlimited. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I realize that the mind limits me in physical reality, because within its limitlessness I get lost, and I avoid facing me Here, and I also use it to avoid facing reality. It is only an illusion which I make real by believing, while actual reality passes by in each breath.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Back to the main point:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be/become intimidated by the reply to my blog because it was written intelligently/intellectually/elitist/academically and it made me feel inferior.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am not able to understand things that are written is a certain specific way that I judge them as ‘too confusing’ or ‘too intelligent’ for me to understand.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I realize that with time and patience I am able to understand even very complex concepts.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be/become intimidated by intellectuals because I feel inferior to them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself separate myself by defining some as intellectual and others as not intellectual, and I’ve placed value judgments on each.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity of intellectual/un-intellectual, thus creating friction and energy within me as I bounce back and forth within fear, desire and judgment/self-judgment. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I realize we are all simply Here, we understand what we can, we do as much as we practically can with what we are given/born with. Within this limitation we are equal, we are equally limited by the physical.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear people attacking or disagreeing with me, within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict in my world.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept or allow myself to take criticism, disagreement or ‘attacks’ personally. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to understand that it is not about me, only that which I react to is about me and the acceptances and allowances I have not faced, that which others react to is about them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept or allow myself to judge others that do not agree with me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept or allow myself to think, believe or perceive myself to be superior to any being ever.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe or perceive myself to be inferior to any being ever.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I am disagreed with or confronted I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the understanding that reacting to the ‘conflict’ is in fact creating it, and I instead allow myself to be one and equal to the conflict within not resisting it, and by listening to and understanding both sides, and looking for practical solutions that are best for all. Within this, conflict can be diffused. Where conflict cannot be diffused, I simply do not participate. </span></div>
</div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-34778167122252184992012-01-27T16:40:00.000-08:002012-02-03T13:25:25.090-08:00How I Was Able To Hear the Desteni Message<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I’m actually very surprised that I was able to hear the Desteni message with such an immediate acceptance and understanding. I am surprised because before Desteni, not only did I have no beliefs in any form of religion, spirituality or supernatural phenomena, but I thought those who did were crazy. I felt most things could be pretty well explained in a reasonable and logical way, and those things that couldn’t were too few to count and were just freak occurrences or anomalies.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But these freak occurrences and anomalies intrigued me, because if reality was the way I believed it to be- then they shouldn’t occur at all. So a part of me remained open to the possible existence of something more, and my intrigue led me to investigate the unexplainable, because it was messing with my worldview. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I tried really hard to believe in something spiritual, something occult, or ‘something more,’ but every attempt I made just proved to me that it was all a sham. A couple experiences I can remember are playing Ouija with some friends. I just knew one of them was pushing the little thingie to spell out the name of another of mine friend whose father had just passed away. That friend was convinced that it was real and she got really scared. Another time a friend of mine convinced me to go to a psychic because he had gone and had been convinced that she was reading his present and future situation. He even told me that she said stuff about me, so I went. I didn’t tell the psychic that my friend had just gone the day before and the she had told him things about me and our future together. She read my palm and told me an entirely different story, and nothing was accurate and I left feeling mostly just ripped off. Experiences such as these showed me how easily people can develop beliefs and be misled by others, so I developed a skepticism about such things.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In terms of religion- I went to church when I was younger, but at that age I was very shy. I was picked on at school and I had very bad experiences with teachers. I found my place with animals and in nature- things which, to me, were real and filled with what I experienced as ‘love,’ acceptance, understanding, ‘joy,’ fun, excitement- everything worth living for. I found the human world devoid of these things and actually rather hostile. I found the teachings of Jesus and god’s supposed creation in nature and the animals and not in people, but at church these things were not given any significance or any attention whatsoever. Also, religion was so boring- how could it be the explanation of existence- which is full of wonder and mystery? <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This is of course from a child’s perspective. But later on I saw movies about brutal missionaries, I learned about what the catholics did to the aboriginal people in my own country, and I learned about wars in the name of religion. To me it was just more people believing in something that’s not real, and people just being really mean and shitty towards each other, just like people were mean and shitty towards me. But I didn’t experience anger and hate towards these people like god apparently did when he would send them to hell. No one deserves that. So I just couldn’t possibly relate to any of it, and nothing made sense.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I was never actually exposed to any spirituality. I met self-proclaimed spiritual people along the way, they always seemed happy. Too happy. My experience of the world was confusing and scary, yet they seemed to have it all figured out, and in a way that didn’t include me. They were in their own little bubbles. Again- I felt they were believing in something by choice, and not because it was real, just as I had seen good friends of mine do, such as with the Ouija board and the psychic.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I first started noticing something was wrong when I began observing the general disregard for animals and nature. When my family got our first dog we had to choose one from the hundreds of dogs at the shelter who were crying for help. I didn’t understand how or why people allowed this to be this way. I was just a child, and I thought ‘grown ups’ were supposed to know how to fix problems, and here was a huge and horrible problem, but everybody acted like it was normal. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>With regards to nature- I lived in a city, but my dad had built a cottage on a lake. It was like a dream come true for me to go there and spend time in the woods- mostly alone, but also with friends and family. I just loved exploring and discovering new animals like frogs and salamanders, and sometimes there would be animal tracks or carcasses and I could get a close up look at them. I couldn’t understand how any person would design a city such as the one I lived in, without leaving any room for nature. And why people would spend all day in these big boring buildings with nothing to explore or discover. There were hardly any animals, and the ones that were around were hungry and scared. I’d see them dead on the side of the road along with the garbage; I’d see animals with mange, and no one to help them. At a young age I had travelled to Cuba and Belize with my family. I saw kids younger than me begging in the streets, and homeless starving dogs everywhere. When I got home I saw that the community I lived in was nice, but what about everything else I had become aware of? Where was god? Where was purpose? <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This was all before I became old enough to begin to see that I was actually living in the most privileged part of the world, and I began learning about poverty, factory farms, the leather industry, deforestation, water pollution, drag-net fishing- all of it just the tip of this never ending iceberg of horror. So this feeling of ‘what the fuck is going on here’ just amplified. But I grew older and started becoming distracted by a social life and boys and I began drinking and experimenting with drugs. I started changing who I was so that I would be accepted into social groups and I started trying to forget about the bad stuff in the world. But within this I became very unhappy and full of stress and anxiety.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got married and moved from Canada to Vermont in the U.S. My husband and I lived in a poor area where people were on welfare. I had come from a middle class family and now I lived next to poverty and I began to see how close it was to home. My husband worked in government housing and he would tell me about the corruption he saw within the system. We were really broke during my process of immigration and I felt very disempowered and loaded with money stresses. That’s when I began to look for an answer. I decided “this is it: I am open to anything. I am young, able-bodied, and ready to do something.” <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I enrolled in the local community college and started taking classes in all subjects I thought could provide a solution. But everywhere I turned all I found was dysfunction. In environmental science I saw only partial solutions, leaving out huge problems. I saw green-solutions that were plagued with pathologies: ‘green’ companies unable to compete with polluting and destructive corporations, local farming and farmers markets selling good healthy organic food that neither I nor any of my neighbors could afford, and an alternative energy sector that was a patchwork of under-funding and unaffordable technology.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In psychology I found no cures, pharmaceutical companies on a rampage, and no jobs for a girl like me who could only afford a BA at a community college. I saw kids from rich families going to the big universities in my neighborhood- $40 000 a year for the program I would have chosen to attend at the University of Vermont. How could I expect to compete with that? On top of that, I found dysfunction within myself as well. As I tried to develop a social life I realized that I was unable to relate to those around me, and I was also uncomfortable with who I had become as a personality and I had social anxiety.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When I got my green card I gave up on school and began to look for a solution in my working life. I worked at a ‘green’ restaurant and at a senior’s residence with the idea that I could become a nurse and at least help some people- maybe get some skills that would further me somehow. But all I got was minimum wage, and my husband and I worked full-time just to keep our heads above water. Rent was expensive, we had some debt, our car was breaking down, bills kept getting higher but our pay stayed the same. <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/bernard-poolman-what-is-money-in-the-world">We were slaves to the system</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Our big break came when Toyota had a recall on the Tacoma model truck, which we owned- they had faulty frames that collected salt from the roads which would rust them right through. Trucks began snapping in half mid-drive, sometimes cutting the break lines. We got 150% of the Kelly Blue Book value for our truck that was barely running. We would have had to pay someone to take it off our hands, but instead we got 9000$ for it. We got a new car and we got the hell out of Vermont. We moved to Maine and that’s where I discovered <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/the-history-of-desteni">Desteni</a> three years ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I can’t remember the first video I saw, but I remember it spoke to the fact that I, as an individual, had<a href="http://eqafe.com/p/the-solution-of-life"> the power to change, not only myself- but the world</a>. I learned that I would have to work within a group and deal with my own dysfunction to do so. I watched videos and I read the writings of people who were applying self-forgiveness. They were using this tool along with some others to change themselves and overcome things like social anxiety and depression. When I read their writing it was like I had written it myself, their problems and issues were just like mine, but <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/freedom-blogs-the-birth-of-practivism-volume-1">they were overcoming them</a>! They weren’t asking me for money, and they weren’t asking me to believe in something religious or spiritual, they weren’t asking me to believe anything. They were presenting me with a way to empower myself and actually stand up and voice myself, and to speak about the problems I had been observing my whole life.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Desteni explained everything: about how greed and self-interest cause the problems we see today, about how money controls everything, about how humans distract themselves with religion, spirituality and other beliefs so as not to have to face themselves and the world. How the mind creates habits and patterns that trap us and bring us down to that point of giving up. How Life is actually Here with us, but we are too busy in our minds to see it or even realize it within ourselves. But Desteni didn’t only point out the problems- the problems are blatantly obvious once you just open your eyes. What is different about Desteni is that it offers tools anyone can use to take back control of our lives, to take the wheel and direct our world to where we want it to be. So that’s what I did. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I began writing self-forgiveness, investigating the material like crazy, and after a year I finally built up the courage to participate on the forums. I got support there from those who had been applying the tools already. I received support that I could actually apply in my Life. I did the work, I created space within me, I got better at moving myself instead of losing myself in my mind of anxiety, fear, stress and insecurity, and I got real. I got my driver’s license which gave me more independence, <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/blame-and-animosity">I began taking responsibility for myself within my relationships</a>. I shaved my head, I started making some videos and writing and becoming ‘visible’ and public with my process and I am still working at that. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The biggest challenged I faced has been going back to school. Desteni taught me to fearlessly utilize whatever resources I had available to further myself and become more stable and effective within the system instead of just being a slave. So I applied for a university back in my home town where the school is cheaper but has a better reputation. It’s cheaper because it’s back in Canada, so I moved back. Now my husband and I live far apart while I get my degree in politics. I’m doing very well at school and I’m working my ass off for it. I’m still very new in my process and I’m pushing myself more than I ever thought possible. I’ve become so comfortable speaking up that I have to now keep my mouth shut in class sometimes because I talk too much! I am at complete ease in social situations and I actually look forward to seeing old friends, hanging out with my husband’s friends and meeting new people. I stopped drinking and smoking pot about a year ago, and I’m much better at staying on top of keeping my shit together so to speak- in terms of money, responsibilities and just staying calm about everything and directing myself instead of reacting to things.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I’ve definitely got a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG way to go, I have a LOT of things on my list to change about myself: I still have anxiety and stress, it just doesn’t stop me anymore. I’m working on that stuff still, and there’s room for improvement, in fact, ‘that’s the biggest room there is’. But I no more feel as if the world is just a confusing mess with no solution. I have been spending my whole Life trying to work towards a solution and an understanding and only ever hitting dead ends. Desteni has taught me that walls are made to walk through, so that’s what I’m going to do while I continue to work towards a solution: the Equal Money System. Only the path towards this solution is one of self-realization, self-expansion and self-empowerment, so I’m actually getting back so much more than I am giving to help realize this new economic system. I’d like to change that to an equation of equality, by further empowering myself to be able to do more for the <a href="http://eqafe.com/p/equal-money-future-of-money-volume-1">Equal Money Solution</a>, because why would I do anything else?<o:p></o:p></span></div></div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-50553562645798419452012-01-18T21:03:00.000-08:002012-01-18T21:03:52.662-08:00Facing Resistances Within Self-Movement<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Jan 18<sup>th</sup> 2012</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Today I felt very frustrated in the morning. The thoughts that were coming up connected to the frustration were that</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1)</span><span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I never have enough time to do anything</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2)</span><span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m always in a rush</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3)</span><span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m so busy I wish I could just have a break and relax</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">4)</span><span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s just too much, I just can’t handle it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The first two thoughts definitely go together, and are a result of the fact that I’m still working on self-movement. I have extreme physical reactions to moving myself, it’s like, these great resistances and there’s anxiety in there because I become overwhelmed, I have been getting overwhelmed more easily recently and as I write this the thought came up that last semester ‘did me in’, and ‘I never really got a break’, it’s just been go go go.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I never have time to do anything, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I’m always in a rush.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought I never have time to do anything to exist within and as me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought that I’m always in a rush to exist within and as me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the emotional energetic charge of ‘hurried’ stress and anxiety to the thoughts that I never have enough time to do anything and I’m always in a rush, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become influenced by the ‘hurried’ stress and anxiety energy by participating within and as it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the mind by reacting within emotional energetic experiences to thoughts, thus allowing the thoughts to influence and have control over me instead of me directing myself Here.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my thoughts instead of remaining present and aware, in breathe, wherein I realize that I am the directive principle and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>will push me to move myself.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust me, that I will move me. I will move me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the resistances I feel when I move me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe those resistances are ‘real’, or that they are indicating that something is ‘wrong’ and I shouldn’t be doing it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that something, such as self-movement, ‘should’ feel ‘good’ or ‘right’, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I need pleasant emotional experiences to be able to move myself.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I see/realize/understand that self-movement is not moving me with energy, which is what I’m used to. There is no force or motivation other than me and sheer will. I understand I have become addicted to and dependant on energy to move me throughout my day, and as I move myself instead as the directive principle of me it will be different.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept or allow myself to be addicted to or dependant on energy to move me through my day.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept or allow myself to become discouraged because I have defined self-movement as ‘hard,’ ‘tough’ or ‘difficult’. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self-movement as ‘hard’, ‘tough,’ and ‘difficult’ because it is new to me and I am not used to it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy, and to believe laziness is ‘nice’ ‘comfortable’ and ‘easy’.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing myself by being lazy.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-responsibility to laziness, by being lazy and stubborn and unwilling to budge from comfortable habits.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that comfort is ‘good’ and should be sought out, at least not this kind of comfort- which is the stagnant kind that I use to not face me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use comfort to avoid facing me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to face myself within facing these resistances I’m having towards self-movement.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to become one with these resistances so that I can change myself as them.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to be the strength, determination, commitment, assertiveness, patience and will to walk through these resistances.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive these resistances are bigger than me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I see/realize and understand that I created these resistances and I am completely capable, able and willing to take responsibility for them, and walk them until I am changed as them, until I move me here while nothing moves inside me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the energetic experience of frustrated instead of breathing Here.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I realize that when I am present I get more done effectively and when I am frustrated I make more mistakes and do things improperly or forget details, which just adds to/feeds the feeling of frustration wherein it’s almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the energetic experience of ‘frustration’ to the thought ‘I never have enough time to do anything’ and ‘I am always rushed.’</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to be and become ‘enough time;’ by being Here, in the moment, and I allow myself be presence and awareness of breath as I walk through the resistances I face as I face me and the totality of what I have created through my acceptances and allowances. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the energetic experience of frustration and then look for ways to feed it, small things that I can manipulate into ‘frustrating’ which normally would not be so.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself by turning small things into ‘frustration; in order to feed and confirm my energetic experience, thus confirming to me as my mind that these experiences are real, or that they are valid, when in fact they are merely taking me away from now operating wholly.]</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not allow myself to be fooled by the mind and by the self-manipulation techniques I use to feed my energetic experiences of myself.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not allow myself to manipulate me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself the strength, self-will and self-determination as well as patience and commitment to ‘call myself out’, breathe, and bring myself back here when I feel/realize that I ‘m participating within an energetic experience.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I need a break to relax instead of realizing that this type of ‘break’ is a backdoor to cave in to resistances.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed backdoors to continue to exist within and as me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the mind-polarity of work/break, I am fully aware of when I am using a break as an escape, a chance to be lazy instead of facing myself.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I realize that taking a break after I have worked hard and ‘given it my all’ is understandable, and it is a time that I can rest with the physical, but otherwise I am using it as an excuse to avoid walking my resistances.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to be the strength, discipline and self-will required to stop myself when I believe I need a break, to breathe and to push myself through, so that I can see what will happen as I move me.</span></div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-67288037417483399382012-01-04T11:28:00.000-08:002012-01-04T14:04:56.080-08:00Releasing My Self-Definitions: "young"One of the things I've found I define myself as is 'young'. I've been the baby of the family, and then later when I started working I happened to be the youngest one there. In time I realized the 'value' of youth, and as my coworkers were aging around me I started valuing my youth more like a possession, and over time it became a part of my self-definition. <br />
<br />
Now I am 30, and as youth fades and I start to see the physical changes my ego goes into an internal panic for fear of losing that which I have defined myself as. The panic is supressed within me because I understand it is irrational- this is Life- people age, I am no different. But the 'panic' which involves fear and a sort of 'helplessness' is left there to just kind of fester within. So, through self-forgiveness I can remove my connections to the value I have placed within 'youth'- the word itself and the ideas, perceptions, definitions and beliefs I have attached to it, and instead value myself as who I am as Life, as character, as determination, as self-acceptance and as will.<br />
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<br />
Young:<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young to smooth skin.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within smooth skin.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the smooth beautiful skin by defining the word young with in beautiful skin in separation of myself.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word fresh.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word fresh.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word fresh by defining the word young within the word fresh in separation of myself,<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word innocent.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word innocent .<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word innocent by defining the word young within the word innocent in separation of myself.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word jealousy.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word jealousy.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word jealousy by defining the word young within the word jealousy in separation of myself.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word power.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word power.<br />
<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word power by defining the word young within the word power in separation of myself.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word naive.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word naive.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word naive by defining the word young within the word naive in separation of myself.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word naive with the word envy.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word naive.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word naive by defining the word young within the word naive in separation of myself.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young to the word pure.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word pure.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word pure by defining the word young within the word pure in separation of myself.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word lost.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word lost.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word lost by defining the word young within the word lost in separation of myself.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young to the word lucky.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word lucky.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young, and from the word lucky, by defining the word young within the word lucky in separation of myself. <br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the words school girl.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word schoolgirl.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word schoolgirl by defining the word young within the word schoolgirl in separation of myself.<br />
<br />
Dictionary Definition:<br />
<br />
Being in an early period of life, development, or growth.<br />
Newly begun or formed; not advanced: The evening is still young.<br />
Of, belonging to, or suggestive of youth or early life: He is young for his age.<br />
Vigorous or fresh; youthful.<br />
<br />
Lacking experience; immature: a young hand at plowing.<br />
Being the junior of two people having the same name.<br />
Geology. Being of an early stage in a geologic cycle. Used of bodies of water and land formations.<br />
<br />
Sounds Like:<br />
<br />
YOU’ll Never Grow<br />
<br />
Remaining young is to be without personal growth or expansion. To enjoy youth to its utmost while at the same time growing, expanding and maturing as Who One Is as Life. To not remain in the naiveté and ignorance of youth, but to face the world as Who One Is in complete awareness of why one is. To enjoy youth, but to still remain on track within self-direction and self-responsibility within and as the untangling the mind that one began to tangle in youth.<br />
<br />
SF On Young:<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as young.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge being young as the best and being old as the worst.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that those who are young are better than those who are old.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself within judgment, as better than those who are older than me.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am luckier than those who are older than me, and then to participate within and energetic charge of positive feeling energy <br />
because of feeling ‘luckier’ and ‘better than’ those who are older than me.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want need and desire to use my youth to seduce older men.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire to manipulate and abuse myself and older men by playing on systems which exist by attempting to seduce, manipulate and abuse older men, and in turn seducing, abusing and manipulating myself.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seduce, abuse and manipulate myself and older men through my beliefs and back-chat play-outs in physical reality.<br />
<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave myself within the belief that I only have power if I can seduce men, particularly older and men who I define as more powerful.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to seduce older men in order to survive in the world.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to manipulate others, particularly older men, in order to survive in this world.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get high off of having the ability to <br />
manipulate older men to want and desire me.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel worthless and old if I can’t manipulate men.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear men seeing me as old and worthless.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear older men seeing me as old and instead desiring younger women than myself.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe when I grow old I will lose my power.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe power lies in my ability to seduce.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ‘good’ about myself within polarity instead of simply being myself.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the polarities of youth/age, worth/worthlessness, beauty/ugly, power/powerless, good/bad, desirable/undesirable, and desired/undesired.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself within trying to feel a certain way about me and who I am, that ‘way’ being powerful, superior and dominant manipulator, which is not what’s best for all in any way, it is only what I perceive as best for me, but it’s not even best for me, it is best for the mind as absolute enslavement and separation of self.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave and separate myself as the mind within the idea of youth and superiority instead of realizing and doing what’s best for all, which is, at the moment, realizing oneness and equality within and without.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that men should be like putty in my hands.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire to be able to manipulate another human being instead of wanting, needing and desiring them to realize themselves as Life, equal and one.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need or desire to be a vixen and a muse.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea of a vixen or a muse to exist within and as me.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that a vixen or a muse is complete enslavement and is totally fucked up, it is not life and not who or what anybody should be or want to be as a powerless slave.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire to be a vixen and a muse because I have not realized my self-importance and self-worth, and instead I seek it from others.<br />
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I allow myself to realize my self-importance and self-worth, and to realize that I am the most important instrument that I have the power to move, and the most worth that I can imagine, as does everybody else.<br />
<br />
I allow myself to assist and support others unconditionally as life, to, without fear, assist and support them to realize who they are as life as I assist and support myself to , without fear, do the same.<br />
<br />
I allow myself to realize, and to do, what’s best for all, which is, at the moment, to realize my equality and oneness within and without.<br />
<br />
I allow myself to fearlessly realize my equality and oneness and to live it into my actions, words thoughts.<br />
<br />
I do not allow participation in the mind as the pursuit of positive energetic charges of feeling powerful, dominant, superior and in control as enslavement, and I instead allow myself to exist within understanding and self-direction as life.<br />
<br />
I do not accept or allow myself to participate in the sex game as it diminishes me as who I am, and I do not allow diminishing behaviours within me as Who I Am.Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-47761118371551458072011-12-31T11:36:00.000-08:002011-12-31T11:48:41.852-08:00Self-judgment Creates Inner Hell<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had a really rough time this past week, physically and emotionally. Although my breathing efforts were consistent, I also participated in the mind quite a bit. I had a lot of self-judgment and fear of judgment from my partner.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My body has gone through some changes recently, and I will take the opportunity to realize how self-judgmental I am about my physical appearance/physical state. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This point has been way too important for me my whole life, and I am soooo ready to let it go, only- it’s automated within me. If anything my weight gain has shown me how extensively I am programmed to value physical appearance. How much I have separated myself from my physical body, and the lack of self-acceptance within me, and the lack of self-trust that I will properly care for my physical body.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also noticed how I depend on the approval of others to ‘pick me up when I’m down’, and to accept me so I don’t have to accept myself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Recently I have gained some weight. It’s from a combination of living back with my parents while I’m studying- with three square meals as well as a sedentary student life-style. All I do is sit and study when I’m used to being outside and being active. Now my jeans don’t fit!- lol!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This past week I have spent with my partner who I haven’t seen for about a <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>month, and all of a sudden my self-judgment was placed right in front of me. I also had pms, as well as some kind of eczema that has been appearing and disappearing on different areas of my body. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I felt fat and disgusting.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was visiting some family over the past week, so I was reacting to myself within that context as well.</span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that school and other responsibilities are overwhelming, and that I can only do so much, while I abandon everything else, such as exercise and self-enjoyment and enjoying Life. As a result, my physical body has changed, and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge the change as weight gain as disgusting, thus charging it with a negative charge and then reacting to it within fear. When I look at the fear I see fear of a lack of control over aging and over my health, wherein I am projecting into the future all my worst fears of what can happen to me physically, instead of taking it one breath at a time and remaining Here. I also see misplaced values that I have separated myself from and attached to my physical appearance, instead of valuing myself as who I am as Life.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Within this I can see a lack of balance, self-movement and self-trust that I will do what needs to be done.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body, allowing for self-judgment, and within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge my physical body as disgusting. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to abuse my physical body through and within my participation within and as my mind.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within projection, projecting my fears into an imaginary future.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live in self-created fear and fear of an imaginary future that is not even real, but which I will make real if I continue to participate within my fears, my thoughts and my projections of it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to doubt that I am capable of balance, self-movement and self-trust.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to love, respect and care for my physical body as it has supported me unconditionally my whole life.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to take Life one breath at a time, and to remain Here with me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to accept and value myself as Who I Am as deserving of Life because I Am Here.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to be balance, self-trust and self-movement, as I am pushing myself to learn how to incorporate and integrate these words into my living actions and application.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not allow myself to participate within my mind- projecting my worst fears into an imaginary future situation.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not allow myself to participate within the separation of myself wherein I misplace my self-value.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Projection and Separation:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to depend on X’s attention/affection/devotion in order for me to experience emotional charges of importance/loved/cherished within me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become dependent on feeling these emotional; charges from X, and therefore expect them, and when I don’t have them, I feel self-pity, forgotten, not important, not cherished and not loved.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on the acceptance of someone outside of me in order to be able to accept myself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to X, thus making him responsible for creating a positive energetic experience within me when I’m around him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have come to expect the positive emotional experiences from X, and to feel disappointed/robbed/sad when I don’t get them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the emotional energetic experiences of loved/cherished/special, thus participating in polarity, thus ensuring the opposite energetic experience within and as me. So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the polarity of special/unspecial, loved/unloved and cherished/uncherished to exist within and as me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the experience of unspecial, unloved and un-cherished to exist within and as me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect X to my personal feeling experience of special, loved and cherished.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to desire to feel special.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself, to love and cherish myself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">- - - - - <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reflect my self-judgment off of X.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to X instead of taking responsibility for my self-judgment.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as gross because I have exzema, not realizing that this physical manifestation is an opportunity to take the time to heal me and sort me out.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as disgusting because I have gained weight, instead of realizing that I will make the appropriate changes to remain active and in shape because that is what I enjoy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel insecure because I have been participating in self-judgment about my exzema and weight, and because I am participating in the mind of thoughts and beliefs, thinking and believing that X is judging me too.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel insecure because I have placed my value as security in my physical appearance and sexual allure. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look at myself and judge myself in this way- where I think/believe/perceive myself to have ‘no value’ unless I am perfect, thus I am perpetually judging myself as imperfect.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that such a thing as physical perfection exists, it is only pictures.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my self-worth in my ability to convince myself that X has a desire for me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value myself based on how badly X desires me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire others to want/need/desire me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I require constant reassurance by X giving me attention and praise that I am wanted/valued, <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame PMS as an excuse to feel self-judgmental, self-hatred, self-disgust and just foul, as self-sabotage so as not to have to face myself and remain Here, with me, in each breath.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame PMS for my emotional state instead of taking responsibility for myself as my mind of emotions.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame PMS for my rage.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame PMS because I always have, and it’s what I‘ve been taught to believe/taught myself to believe.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame PMS for my experience of physical discomfort.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my anger towards myself instead of changing myself and the things I am angry about, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress my anger towards myself instead of facing it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘put up’ with myself as a mind for so long, limited and enslaved, and all the rage and anger I have felt from that- it’s suppressed within me, and now it ‘comes out’ when there is friction, irritation, resistance, etc…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I do not know how to deal with my emotions, this is just an excuse to not deal with them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to ’feel’ stable in order to prove to myself that I am stable. I know that I cannot trust my emotions, and that my mind will fuck with me at every turn, so I know that I can’t trust my mind to tell me when I’m stable and doing well and when I’m not. The mind usually has it ass-backward anyways, so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust my mind of thoughts, feelings, emotions and reactions. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to depend on myself as a mind mind to tell me who and how I am, instead of directing myself within oneness and equality in each breath.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel emotionally unstable because ‘I have been working hard’, ‘I have PMS’, ‘I am visiting my in-laws’, ‘I have had a busy schedule’, “I am in exams’ and ‘I am a victim’. These are all excuses to not have to face me and I do not accept or allow myself to participate within and as them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the excuses of the mind, instead of trusting me here. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be the excuses that :I feel emotionally unstable because ‘I have been working hard’, ‘I have PMS’, ‘I am visiting my in-laws’, ‘I have had a busy schedule’, “I am in exams’ and ‘I am a victim’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the excuses: I feel emotionally unstable because ‘I have been working hard’, ‘I have PMS’, ‘I am visiting my in-laws’, ‘I have had a busy schedule’, “I am in exams’ and ‘I am a victim’ to exist within and as me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Instead, I accept myself to remain Here, taking one step at a time, figuring out one step at a time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to realize that I love me and I accept me at all moments, within stability, one breath at a time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am here with me, for me. Always.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I feel myself going into emotional instability, I stop, and I breathe. I stand up within the understanding that I trust me to direct me here, stability is not a feeling experience, and I breathe until I come back, so that I may participate in my world as who I am as stability, and not from the emotionally reactive self-interest of myself as a mind.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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</div><br />
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</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">- - - - - - <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to X when he’s around his family.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel/think/believe or perceive that I am in the way at X’s mom’s house, because I’m not getting the same kind/amount of attention I get at my house.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think believe or perceive that I need a certain kind/amount of attention to be comfortable, and to feel loved and accepted within myself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my experience of myself with X’s family to that with my family, and then when there’s a difference, to react to it as if it were something wrong with me/them/X/the situation, not realizing that the difference is the ideas and expectations I have attached to the different locations/people/situations, and that I am, in fact, the same throughout.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to just be comfortable within myself, knowing I am Here for me always, and that self-acceptance and self-love are only a breath away.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive I can’t be me/myself around X’s family because I have to be something else, something ‘more’ to impress them and to prove I am worthy to be there, to be with them and a part of their family.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to be something else/something more than what I am, I know where that leads- it leads to self-judgment and insecurity, and I do not allow myself to participate within the energetic emotional reaction of inferiority around X’s family, due to the thought/belief/perception that they have the right to judge me because I am the new member of the group.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/belief/perceive that I need to act/behave a certain way in order to gain acceptance by X’s family.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear X’s family won’t/doesn’t accept me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an inferiority polarity around X’s family, because I’m looking at myself through their eyes and judging myself as ‘a bad influence’, ‘not smart enough’, ‘not interesting enough’ or ‘annoying’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as a bad influence on X- he is a grown man and has a mind of his own. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that X’s family thinks I’m a bad influence on him. First of all- I have no idea what they really think so I shouldn’t worry about it. Secondly, it doesn’t matter what they think because they are only reflecting their own self-judgment, as I am doing, and it has nothing to do with me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear reflecting X’s family’s self-judgment back to themselves for fear that they will react to me and blame me, as I blame others for my self-judgment.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame others for my self-judgment instead of taking responsibility for it and forgiving myself for it and not repeating the behavior (corrective application).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my thoughts/fears/beliefs/ideas of what X’s family thinks of me, instead of allowing myself to be myself, In self-confidence and self-trust.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to love and accept myself entirely and unconditionally.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept or allow myself to become self-conscious in a group because I fear their judgment.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If Y doesn’t like me then he has that to work out for himself, on his own. I am free of that burden or weight because I choose not to participate in it- I do not accept or allow myself to try to do things to ‘win him over’ and prove to him that ‘I have good intentions’ or ‘I’m not a bad person” etc…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept or allow myself to try to be something within this group. This is not my show, it’s not ‘a’ show, but an event within which I am challenged to remain here, in breath. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I notice myself going into a reaction around X/X’s family I stop, and I breathe. I stand up as myself, within the understanding that the only judgment is self-judgment, and I do not allow myself to participate within self-judgment or inferiority. I allow myself to remain stable, Here, because I accept and allow myself to love and accept myself unconditionally.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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</div><br />
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</div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-81119533258019289952011-12-29T20:34:00.000-08:002011-12-29T20:34:51.296-08:00Releasing My Self-DefinitionsIn walking 'backwards through time' to see/realize /understand how I have created myself as who and how I am through the layering of acceptances and allowances of past memories, thoughts, feelings, emotions, experiences etc.... I have decided to walk through some of the main ways in which I have defined myself.<br />
<br />
I'm starting with beauty because I've noticed, now that I'm back in a busy city, that I am experiencing self-judgment about my appearance. When I used to live in the city, I worked at a bar. I dressed to impress, seduce, entice, invite etc... because I was working for tips. I got a lot of attention from men through the bartender- customer dynamic and have developed many beliefs and self-definitions which I need to now walk through and let go.<br />
<br />
With the self-definition of beauty I have found the eternal search for recognition and reconfirmation from others of everything I have associated with 'what it means to be beautiful'. I'm done with endless searches now as only I can recognize and confirm myself, and the only valid recognition and confirmation is within understanding/realizing/being and becoming oneness and equality with and as all Life.<br />
<br />
I will begin with purifying the word and re-defining it, and then forgiving myself of all the ways in which I have lived and separated myself through living my beliefs and perceptions of beauty.<br />
<br />
Purifying Beautiful:<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word beautiful with a positive/good charge/value.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘beautiful’ to a positive or good polarity.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe or think that to be beautiful is good or positive, and to be ugly is bad or negative.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect to word beautiful to the word feminine.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word beautiful within the word <br />
feminine.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word beautiful and from the word feminine by defining the word beautiful within the word feminine in separation of myself.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word beautiful to the word successful.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word beautiful within the word successful.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word beautiful and from the word successful by defining the word beautiful within the word success, or successful, in separation of myself.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word beautiful to the word special.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word beautiful within the word special.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word beautiful and from the word special, by defining the word beautiful within the word special in separation of me.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word beautiful to the word important.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word beautiful within the word important.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word beautiful and from the word important by defining the word beautiful within the word important in separation of myself.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word beautiful to the word popular.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word beautiful within the word popular.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word beautiful and from the word popular by defining the word beautiful within the word popular in separation of myself.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word beautiful to the word happy.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word beautiful within the word happy.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word beautiful <br />
and from the word happy by defining the word beautiful within the word happy in separation of myself.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word beauty to the word resent.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word beautiful within the word resent.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word beautiful and from the word resentment by defining the word beautiful within the word resentment in separation of myself.<br />
<br />
Dictionary definition:<br />
adjective <br />
1. <br />
having beauty; having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind: a beautiful dress; a beautiful speech. <br />
2. <br />
excellent of its kind: a beautiful putt on the seventh hole; The chef served us a beautiful roast of beef. <br />
3. <br />
wonderful; very pleasing or satisfying.<br />
<br />
Sounds like: BE YoU To the FULLest<br />
<br />
New Definition:<br />
Beautiful: 1)wonderful, very pleasing or satisfying to be one’s self as one’s full self expression within presence and awareness, Here, with and as, and within consideration of all of Life. 2) to be and become one’s self-expression within self-mastery, self-acceptance, self-forgiveness and self-love, to the fullest extent is to be satisfaction and to be great pleasure. 3) To be and become excellence as full self-expression, as self-perfection, as who one is as Life.<br />
<br />
SF on Beauty: <br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself within the want, need and desire to be perceived as beautiful or pretty.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that beautiful people are more important , and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that beautiful people count more, and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to that beautiful people are more exceptional and valuable, therefore, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire to be beautiful so that I can ‘feel’ more important, think/believe and perceive that I count more oram more exceptional and valuable than the rest of life, instead of realizing/seeing/understanding that beauty it a construct of society that is not real/not based in anything real, and it supports inequality and does not take into consideration what is best for all.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try/need to/desire to manipulate men and women with my human physical body.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel important because I define myself as or perceive my human physical body as desireable/desired/envied.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from life by defining myself within the mind, and within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, need or desire to perceive myself as ‘more-than’ the rest of life, instead of realizing and seeing my oneness and equality to all that is here.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in the energetic polarity of positive beauty and negative ugliness.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity of important/unimportant, by viewing some humans as more important than others based on their appearance. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that more beautiful human beings are more important. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that more beautiful human beings are more valuable human beings. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think believe or perceive that what I’ve defined as ‘more beautiful’ human beings are more exceptional human beings. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity of exceptional/unexceptional by believing some human beings are more exceptional then others.<br />
<br />
Nobody is an exception from Life, we are all one and equal within and as Life.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to value myself unconditionally, but instead have focused on my strengths and weaknesses.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize my unconditional worth as Life.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire people to look at me and give me attention, so that I can think, believe or perceive that they are judging me as beautiful, important, exceptional and more-than others.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire others to perceive me as beautiful.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, need or desire others to perceive me as valuable.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my self-value by wanting, needing and desiring others to perceive me as valuable.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire others to perceive my as exceptional.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire others to perceive me as more than.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to value myself and realize my importance thus within this separation I’ve developed the habit of seeking my self-importance and my self-value in the glances of others, wherein I project my own judgment of beauty and its qualities and project it back to myself through my interpretation of their glances and looks.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as unexceptional and less-than, therefore I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to seek the polarity opposite as exceptional and more-than within my projected self-judgement through and as the judgement of myself through and as others as beautiful.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself to men and women by needing them to think I am beautiful to confirm my self-definition as ego.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself by defining myself as beautiful.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to place worth or value in beauty as appearance, so I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my worth and value by placing it in my appearance and the judgment of other’s based on my appearance, thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to depend upon others judgment to believe I have self worth and value, instead of realizing, seeing and understanding that my self-value and self-worth is within me as who I am as Life, and not in who I’ve defined myself as within ego and self-judgment.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as pretty.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as important.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire special treatment from others.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire flattery from others.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as special and unspecial.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, through separation, seek special treatment and flattery from others to manipulate my inner experience of myself, instead of realizing my wholeness as life, as here within breath.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give away my power by wanting, needing and desiring flattery and special treatment from others.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to depend upon others to make me feel ‘good’ and whole, instead of standing up as who I am as life regardless of my inner experience of myself.<br />
<br />
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within the deception of the mind by believing my thoughts, feelings and emotions are who I am, thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to depend upon my thoughts, feelings and emotions to tell me who I am instead of realizing they are not me, they are mind and ego, and mind and ego are not Life, and I stand up from within and as mind and ego as who I am as Life.<br />
<br />
I do not accept or allow myself to participate within and as the energetic polarities of beauty/ugliness, special/unspecial, worth/worthless, important/unimportant, exceptional/unexceptional, good/bad.<br />
<br />
I do not accept or allow myself to feed the mind as energy by participating within and as the polarities of the mind.<br />
<br />
I do not accept or allow myself to separate myself through self-judgment.<br />
<br />
I do not accept or allow myself to seek myself, my self-worth and my wholeness from/within others outside myself in separation of me.<br />
<br />
I do not accept or allow myself to participate in self-judgment or the judgment of others.<br />
<br />
I do not accept or allow myself to participate within the beauty demon of the mind.<br />
<br />
I do not accept or allow myself to seek to be more than who I am , or more than others.<br />
<br />
I accept and allow myself to be, see and realize my self-worth, my wholeness and my self-expression as who I am as Life.<br />
<br />
I accept and allow myself to take myself back from and as that which I have used to separate myself with and as.<br />
<br />
I accept and allow myself to realize and see my unconditional worth and value as lifeKim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-58197829136755122522011-10-16T08:12:00.000-07:002011-10-16T08:12:53.484-07:00Replacing Bi-Polar Tendencies With Stability<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="color: #00b050;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Today is my ‘get my shit back together’ day, which is cool. It’s when I ‘get back on track’ clean myself up, discipline my eating, clean up my work-space and get to work. This type of day is starting to feel familiar, and that’s great, except for two things that I am now making myself officially aware of. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Number one is that when I feel myself going ‘up’ like this I have the tendency to let it get too high, wherein I become out of control, and number two is the inevitable crash afterwards, so it’s a pattern. I can see that what led up to this type of day (my ‘get my shit back together’ day) was the opposite type of day. For the past 3 or 4 days I have felt heavy, sloppy, on the verge of being overwhelmed by life, and foul. I was pissed off at my sluggishness and my inability to move myself effectively. This pattern used to last months, and then weeks, and now mere days, so I can see the compression as I’m being spiralled into facing myself head on. I am ready. I even felt ready while I was going through it these past few days: telling myself to stand up from within it, to direct myself from within the sluggishness, the foulness, the overwhelming-ness... and I did, the ‘low’ still <i>felt</i> really low, but I managed to get some stuff done and move myself despite the way I felt inside. Wherein I used to fall completely into the overwhelming-ness, I now simply teeter on the edge of it, realizing it has been my choice to ‘go there’ all along. I’m not helpless in this regard, I do not have to go there at all. I’ve been working on this pattern and as I continue to do so one thing becomes more and more clear with regards to bringing myself into these crashes: there’s no point in going there. It is unnecessary self-imposed hardships that result from the self-allowance of participation in energetic polarities.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Presently: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see that I bounce back and forth <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>between these two extremes. At once I feel completely in control and on top of everything, and then I’m like a teenager again- angry and irresponsible. Presently I see myself about to go up. I keep in mind that when I’m on the upswing I tend to go too high, thinking and believing that I’ve finally done it- changed myself and now everything is going to be good and I’m in total control. And then I over-do it. I start many projects and I try to get everything done, but what happens is- it never ends. I can’t stay up in that high for an extended amount of time, so I’m going to come down, and that ‘coming down’ will be proportional to how high I let myself get.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-indent: 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Self-Correction:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I am on that upswing, I remind myself that the goal isn’t to just ‘go with it’ and feed it and become all super-human, because it won’t last. When I feel myself going ‘up’ I breathe through the desire to feed it and go with it because that is an addiction to a bi-polar pattern that I will direct myself to replace with stability. Within understanding myself in this regard, I see this pattern and I direct myself to apply self-will and self-directive principle to remain in common sense and practical application instead of entering into a mind possession high wherein I set myself up for a proportional fall. Common sense and practical application here refers to taking one thing at a time and doing it properly. Not starting many things thus setting myself up to burn out. It’s cool that I’m back from my previous fall, but I need to be stable now and realize that today is just one day, I don’t need to get <i>everything </i>done, just the things that make the most sense. I can leave some stuff for tomorrow so that I slowly accumulate my self-directive principle and stability instead of feeding the tendencies of bi-polar disorder.</span></div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-79640735149416402992011-10-15T21:51:00.000-07:002011-10-15T21:51:14.774-07:00Separating Yourself from- Yourself<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><b><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Separation</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Each and every human being is a whole being, but we have separated ourselves within and as our minds. Self-judgment, projection, reactions, thoughts, feelings and emotions are ways in which we separate ourselves by being both the observer and the observed. Through the act of separation we powerlessly observe ourselves operate throughout our lives, judging, reacting, projecting, thinking, feeling and emoting instead of doing and being. Being and becoming the force that will change the world. Being the change itself.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The point within realizing the separation within oneself is that as long as it exists, self will never be a complete whole; the observer can never be the observed. Only when one’s thoughts, words and deeds are aligned within oneness and equality, is one completely empowered to be a self-willed, self-directed individual who can stand up within any situation, and withstand any storm. But this alignment can only be achieved within oneness and equality, because you can’t have oneness without equality, and you can’t have equality without oneness, and you can’t have either within separation.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The elimination of separation involves the bringing back together of self, by forgiving self for accepting and allowing any and all separation. To take yourself back and at the same time give you back to yourself, because separation is an abdication of self-responsibility by looking for sources outside of self to explain or validate one’s internal experiences instead of changing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><b><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Self-judgment:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>With self-judgment, it is necessarily implied that there are two entities: the judge and the judged –a separation from one into two. This separation is obviously not physical; it takes place in the mind. That is where all separation takes place, in the mind.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>To judge oneself either positively or negatively is to create a belief about or a relationship with oneself that isn’t necessary. This relationship or belief will influence one’s behaviour as one lives out his or her day, or week, or month, or year, or whole life, which creates patterns and habits that prevent one from living self-honestly, moving self and being the self-directive principle that is the living statement of ‘who I am’, Here, as Life. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>If one’s thoughts. words and deeds are aligned with oneness and equality, then that will be the living statement of self, and within that, there is no separation, because it is one and equal, inside and out, therefore no possibility for self-judgment.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><b><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Reactions:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></b>Another realization that must be understood in order to understand the ways in which we separate ourselves is that nothing and nobody can ‘make you’ feel a certain way as your self-experience within yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All reactions are caused or created by the individual within whom they occur. If they were caused by outside people or events then we would all react the same way to the same things. But instead, each being’s reaction is uniquely catered to their specific life experiences according to who they have accepted and allowed themselves to be and become.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This is because when you react to a being you are actually reacting to that which you have separated yourself from within yourself. For example, if you react in jealousy of another’s appearance then you have separated yourself from your own self-acceptance of your physical body in some way within the belief that, for example, ‘only someone who is that fit, or that beautiful or that muscular is able to accept themselves, but not me’. Within this, you have reacted within jealousy because you have separated yourself from self-acceptance by projecting it on to fit/beautiful/muscular people outside of yourself.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>However, this separation has only taken place within the mind and at any moment you can forgive yourself and take back your self-acceptance so that you no longer react within jealousy to a certain type of person, so you can instead see them for the human being that they are, one and equal to yourself.<b><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></b></span></div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-31275057807158100892011-09-29T13:54:00.000-07:002011-09-29T13:54:46.402-07:00Facing Life<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Today I did not set an alarm to wake up because I am still feeling sick from my cold. When I got up I noticed the experience of too-much-ness which I have been experiencing over the past few months as overwhelmingness. During the summer I had been brought to tears from it several times, but now that I’ve listened to Bernard’s interview about this specific experience I understand it is the accumulation of attention towards a particular point. In my case I know that the points I had been working on were focus, self-discipline, time-management and of course, self-directive. These points have been extreme problems in my life in the form of avoiding them, evading them, so it’s a big shift for me to start incorporating them into my living application. I have had much resistance and physical discomfort as I have been working on these points, as well as emotional discomfort in the form of this overwhelming sensation wherein ‘it’s just all too much’. But I’ve gotten through that now and I am coming out on the other side of it with more determination and, as Bernard mentioned, a new perspective or point of view on this experience, and on what leads up to it and how it plays out for me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My new perspective on this is that I now look at life, or my current experience in terms of the bigger picture. I noticed throughout this that I would normally tend to focus on all the tiny details and obsess over them and I tend to miss the bigger pattern or the bigger goal of what it is that I’m doing. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Within this, when I feel myself being pulled into the experience of being overwhelmed I stop myself immediately by concentrating on my breath and becoming aware of my physical body until my heart starts beating normally. This calms me down, whereas before I would, in a way ‘go with it’ and everything would seem to be happening very fast and I would feel that I couldn’t keep up. I would try to do everything right away and would always end up at the same spot: exhausted, usually sick, tired and feeling like I can’t do it. Feeling like I can’t keep up and I want to give up and I start letting things go and start falling behind etc... This pattern explains the tendency to start projects really strongly and then fizzle out toward the end, and then go into some sort of death throws just to survive and complete the task- whether it be school or a job or whatever. It’s really a very unpleasant experience and therefore I’m determined to correct it so I can stop beating myself up and no longer abuse myself in this way anymore.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Also within all this is the realization that I can only effectively accumulate myself, my self-will, self-discipline, self-directive principle (which will lead to better focus, better time management, and better self-movement) slowly over time. I can’t exert all my energy and completely wipe myself out and expect myself to gain any kind of effective self-support and self-trust this way. It’s more like self-sabotage.so I realize that to take it easy on myself is not to be lazy, but to first of all not let myself go into an experience of anxiety, stress and overwhelmingness, but to instead ‘check myself’ in breath. When I do this I calm down to a point of clarity wherein I can ask myself ‘what do I really need to do right now’ and then ‘am I capable of doing this effectively’ meaning, doing it with my all, complete focus and stability. If not, then I need to take care of myself like sit down and breathe or eat or drink something or simply stop and change environments and do something else.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Secondly, when I do decide within calmness and clarity, to do something, I commit to doing it fully. Today I experienced resistance to this type of situation in class. I have decided to take fewer longer classes instead of many short classes. This means paying attention and keeping my focus for 2 and a half hours at a time. This is very difficult for me and I experience the physical resistance to it as physical discomfort and I also become easily distracted.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The pattern I’m breaking here is the desire to get lost in my own ‘little world’ in my head, which I used to do every day in class since I was very young. I would draw or play in my desk. Now I listen, try to understand and try to take good notes. But it’s still hard at the moment.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel seduced by the desire to escape into my mind in class when I need to instead focus and remain present.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become easily distracted instead of remaining present and aware for the complete duration of the class, so that I can understand the material, do well, and be effective in the system.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to exercise the will power and self-discipline to keep myself ‘in line’ while I’m in class, and instead waste my time by doodling and fantasizing about things that I don’t even remember.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be seduced by my fantasies because they seem so interesting and so much more interesting than the lecture when in fact they are not that interesting but rather variations of the same old fantasies I’ve been having for years. They go nowhere, they’re good for nothing and they’re a waste of my time when I should be learning.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the classroom experience as boring and unbearable.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the classroom experience as boring and unbearable because I’m trying to escape taking responsibility for my own learning.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the classroom experience as boring and unbearable because it hard. It’s hard to learn new things and it;s hard to discipline myself and stay focused and integrate new information into my understanding of myself and my world, and thus far I have been lazy, which is what has made it all ‘hard’. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In reality it’s not hard, it just is. There is no value judgment for me to place on my daily experience, only whether I am applying myself fully-or not. When I am applying myself I face resistances, which make the experience seem ‘hard’ simply because it’s not easy and comfortable to change oneself and one’s patterns, habits, addictions, beliefs and definition.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So it’s not that any of this is hard, it’s just that it’s uncomfortable and new. And what I’ve learned thus far in my process is that I can just focus on my breath during and throughout that discomfort and it will fade. The energy will eventually run out and I will remain, I will return to stability in the end, and with my focus and determination and my application of breath, I can remain stable throughout the experience as well.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I allow myself to remain dedicated to my process and myself by remaining focused and fully present throughout the duration of my classes.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept or allow myself to be seduced by my thoughts and fantasies and desire to doodle and escape pushing myself through willing myself to focus and remain present throughout my classes’ duration.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Also, a few pointers to myself on a side note-</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I noticed that I become distracted and brought into an energetic experience of self judgement when I look at all the students and pedestrians in and around school, on public transportation and on the shuttle bus etc...</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In this respect I will work on not reacting to all the many people around me and rather focus on the bigger picture: why am I here, what am I doing right now to achieve that goal? Am I being the most effective I can be while taking it easy on myself? Am I being self honest? What am I standing as as an example right now in this moment? And Am I present?</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">-</span><span style="font: 7pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span dir="ltr"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look at other students and people and judge what they are wearing and compare myself to them in self-judgment.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge other people based on physical appearance and dress.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as others based on physical appearance and dress.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value on physical appearance and dress.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 36pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself by placing value on physical appearance and dress.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose myself in my mind of judgment when I look at people around me instead of remaining present as breath.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to escape facing myself as who I am as life by going into my mind by placing importance on the physical appearance of things.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people’s motivations for what they choose to wear.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my motivations for what I choose to wear to come from a starting point of fear of judgment or of self-interest instead of just dressing practically and comfortably.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept or allow myself to judge others based on what they are wearing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept or allow myself to judge other based on my projected ideas of their motivations behind how they dress.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept and allow myself to dress myself in order to impress anybody or with the belief that I will be judged. The only judgment is self-judgment.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I accept and allow myself to move through the day without reacting in judgment to the people around me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I accept and allow myself to experience myself within crowds without being influenced or moved by their presence.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I accept myself unconditionally within big groups, and I move myself according to what’s best for all, and not what’s best for me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I accept and allow myself to remain present within the crowds of downtown, within awareness as breath, without reaction, just silence within as stillness as stability as life. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">_________________________</span></div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-6556324736075559392011-09-09T18:44:00.001-07:002011-09-09T18:46:47.002-07:00Back in Montreal<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Writing self out, self-honestly</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m at the end of my first day ‘alone’ in Montreal. ‘Alone’ meaning without my husband, but really, I’m always alone. Things have gone pretty much as I expected, I have chosen today the comfort of the mind rather than facing myself again. Again and again and again as the pattern has been repeating. I’ve been telling myself I will end it here, alone in montreal, so now I am here and it’s time to face it, face myself. Right now I’m having trouble taking myself seriously as I write this, because I’ve put it off for so long the words no longer carry any weight. It’s like, I don’t care if I don’t face myself, I can’t do it anyways, and this is all going to play out exactly like last year.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I’m not able to take myself seriously.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I’m not able to take myself seriously because I haven’t proven it to myself yet that I can really change.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take myself seriously,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take myself seriously because it’s a pattern that I’m used to and it’s easier and more comfortable to abdicate my self-responsibility by not taking myself seriously.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take myself seriously because over the years I have participated in relationships where I was not taken seriously, and I accepted and allowed it, and I perpetuates it by believing it to be who I am, therefore living it into my actions and words, instead of realizing myself as who I really am as life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create relationships within which I am not taken seriously, because if I’m not taking myself seriously, I will train others to do the same.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to value myself unconditionally, to value my voice and my presence in the world.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to take myself seriously, knowing that this is a serious process and that the consequences of my not facing myself are serious.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to take myself seriously because I’m worth being taken seriously because I have the value of life, and the only thing that can take that away from me is myself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to take myself seriously because I understand that only the mind is capable of not taking life seriously.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can’t do ‘this’, meaning, I can’t change my patterns, addictions habits and behaviours.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can’t change my patterns, addictions, habits and behaviours because I’ve never actually really tried before.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can’t change my patterns, addictions, habits and behaviours because I believe these things are bigger or more powerful than who I am as life, rather than realizing that I created these entities and am therefore equal and one with them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can’t change my patterns, addictions, habits and behaviours because I fear the discomfort of facing myself as the mind.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I know that I can do this, and the belief that I can’t do this is only a belief in the mind. I stand equal and one to what I have created by accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my self-responsibility and instead participate in the mind. In terms of the discomfort- I know it goes away- the energy runs out, and I can stick to breath to get me through these walls, because I have to.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I accept and allow myself to realize that I can face and change my patterns, habits, addictions and behaviours, and when the thought pops up that I can’t, I stop, I breathe, I confront the discomfort and breathe through it until it is gone, and I accumulate myself as life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that this is all going to play out like last year.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ensure this is all going to play out like last year by thinking it, I stop this immediately and realize that the future is not written, it is up to me to direct.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that this is all going to play out like last year because I will not accept or allow that to happen, I am the directive principle of my life and I am learning more and more every day. It is becoming less and less easy to fool myself and there is very little standing in between me and my self-directive principle.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I allow myself to change myself one breath at a time so that I slowly accumulate the change I will to see in myself so that I can stand as that change within the world, equal and one with what is here.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be lazy because I have programmed myself over time to be lazy and avoid responsibility.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my self-responsibility by choosing laziness over directive principle because it’s easier and more comfortable to be lazy, and its hard and uncomfortable to move myself according to my principles because doing so involves breaking old patterns as addictions to what I have accepted and allowed within myself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to choose laziness because I have defined it as a more enjoyable experience to experience and is done only in self-interest wherein I am considering only myself and my immediate experience and comfort rather than moving myself in every moment to be self-honest and to do what’s best for all.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept or allow laziness, apathy or ignorance to exist within and as me. I do not allow experiential living to take priority in my life. I do not allow myself to use excuses, justifications, denial and beliefs to choose laziness, apathy, ignorance or experiential living over my self-directive principle. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I move myself in every moment and I remain Here in breath.</span></div>
Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-9801959511280502672011-08-22T08:34:00.001-07:002011-08-22T08:34:53.726-07:00Separation Causing Self-Judgment <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I look back to the time in my life where I felt the most ‘insecure,’ I realize that what I experienced within and as myself was a complete devaluation of self. I attempted to understand my experience within myself by comparing myself to those around me, leaving me feeling isolated, alone and without an innate sense of value or worth. I experienced this comparison as: everyone seeming happy, certain, confident and sure of their place, while I felt confused, different, scared, confused and helpless to change. I was desperately looking for myself, my sense of wholeness, and during and throughout that search I ended up separating myself further, losing myself further in an attempt to be like others and experience myself as others project their experience of themselves. Now I see it’s quite possible that I projected the same confidence and certainty, happiness and security within this separation, as I attempted to hide my perceived vulnerability. Within this false projection of self I supressed all negative experiences of myself, not taking responsibility for them but instead fearing them, hiding them deep within myself in the hopes that they would just go away and disappear. Instead they compounded and manifested, while who I really am became deserted and neglected. This experience manifested itself through recurring dreams wherein I would happen upon a dying animal which I had been responsible for in some forgotten place in a house, usually the basement. I would find it-usually a hamster or fish or gerbil- an actual animal that I had had as a pet- and it would be in some filthy cage with no food or water. Upon seeing it I would suddenly remember that I was supposed to have fed and cared for it, but had completely forgotten about it, and I would feel overwhelmed with guilt and dread at what I had done. I always knew, even as a teenager, that that animal was me, but I never understood how to care for and nurture self, or how to stop (self-forgive) the self-neglect and resultant self-disgust, guilt and dread.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Guilt, dread and disgust are words which resonate within me when considering what I have accepted and allowed myself to do unto myself through my participation in the mind as self-dishonesty, suppression and separation of self (thus neglecting and deserting my true self as who I really am as life). Now I fear facing what I have done unto myself. I fear the dread, the guilt and self-hate, disgust and resentment that I must face within and as myself, as it is entirely self-created and designed and lived out over the years by myself as the mind. I have no one to blame and nowhere left to run. I am entirely responsible for my experience of myself and only I can forgive myself and direct myself through it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But what I realize now is that I am ready and willing to forgive myself for it, for all of it, thus humbling myself completely in the face of myself. Such an act of grace, of actual unconditional love and kindness that I am willing to give myself as a gift of self back to self is something I have never experienced nor ever thought possible. I thought only Christ himself or some divine being would be capable or such compassion, power and mercy, and in the face of this I feel unworthy as everything I have done unto myself comes back to haunt me to my very core. But as I am both forgiver and forgiven, I allow myself to stand within this separation of self-judgment in all its many forms so that I may stop this repeating cycle and forgive myself for it and release myself from it, once and for all, so that I can find myself whole again and stand one and equal to all that is here. But the first step can only be forgiveness:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have lost myself by searching for myself, my wholeness, my completeness, my self-worth and my peace of mind, outside of myself, within participation in the mind through continuously chasing illusions and shadows, instead of stopping myself in each moment to realize that I am Here already, and that in this endless search and chase for myself I have further separated myself from myself as who I really am as life.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have supressed myself, and to continue to supress myself within the belief that Who I Am cannot already be existent within myself, because of the belief that all that is existent within myself is fear, dread, guilt, self-disgust, neglect and desertion. And I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Who I Really Am As Life and can only be sought outside myself, within experiences of myself as the mind, and within and through the validation of others, instead of realizing that Who I Really Am As Life is what is in fact within me, and the fear, dread, guilt, self-disgust, neglect and desertion are only beliefs of the mind, and are in fact not real.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make the fear, dread, guilt, self-disgust, neglect and desertion that I experienced within myself real by participating in them and believing them to be real, believing them to be who I am, thus living them into my reality, instead of forgiving myself and releasing myself from them in order to discover who I really am beneath all the layers of beliefs.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear, dread, guilt, self-disgust, neglect and desertion to exist within and as me, as a result of my outward searching for my inward self, creating the separation that make these experiences possible. And I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe these experiences of myself to be real, and to be who I am as I have, within the belief of their real-ness, defined myself according to them, as them, instead of seeing and realizing that these feelings are self-created experiences of the mind which I have accepted and allowed within and as me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within and as fear, dread, guilt, self-disgust, neglect and desertion in separation of myself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own self-created fear, dread, guilt, self-disgust, neglect and desertion, thus actually becoming them as my inner experience of self, instead of realizing myself as breath, as Life, with the ability to direct myself, to take responsibility for my experience of self in every moment ,Here.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continuously attempt to escape my inner experience of myself through suppression, neglect and desertion of myself while I chase manifested external experiences to try to justify and validate myself as ego.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am my ego, and within that belief to attempt to satisfy that insatiable ego through the manipulation and abuse of myself and others in my world, particularly in this case, through the manipulation of men and the absolute betrayal of self I experienced within this.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that in order for me to experience myself as happy, confident, certain and ‘sure of my place in the world’ is by having males desire me in order to make me feel important and special, because of the experience of myself beginning at the age of about 12 years old, wherein I developed the belief that <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘other girls are happy, confident, certain and sure of their place in the world because boys like them, making them special and more important’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that my interpretation of external events were actually entirely due to my inner experience of incompleteness (feeling un-whole, un-special, un-important within myself), causing me to seek to fulfil and complete my ego as the mind, thus interpreting events within and as the mind instead of as Myself as Life, wherein I did not see what was really going on, but rather only a reflection of myself and my accumulated beliefs and self-definitions causing further separation of myself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to my own interpretation of external events which caused separation and self-judgment, which caused jealousy, hate and resentment within me which I projected on to other beings in my world, viewing them as greater than me, leaving me feeling devalued, worthless, less-than, unimportant and un-special within myself, instead of realizing that I am a whole, complete being who is Here.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that others need to treat me a certain way in order for me to feel better, meaning, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my self-responsibility on to others by depending on them to ‘fix’ my inner experience of myself by ‘making it better for me’ within the belief that I am powerless to change myself for myself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I accept and allow myself to see and realize that I have all the power and directive principle I will ever need within me already to change myself and to be my own self-directive principle.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I accept and allow myself to see and realize that all of the negative emotions and inner experiences of myself are only ever of the mind and always have been, and I accept and allow myself to see and realize that I am willing to unconditionally forgive myself for all I have ever accepted and allowed myself to be and become, so that I may change and realize myself as Life, Here.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I accept and allow myself to see and realize that the positive emotions and positive inner experiences of myself are only polarity energetic charges within me, manifesting their polar opposites, and I do not accept or allow myself to participate in either end of the energetic polarity within my mind whatsoever.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I accept and allow myself to see and realize myself as breath, as Life, with the ability to direct myself, to take responsibility for my experience of self in every moment, Here.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I accept and allow myself to see and realize that I am a complete and whole being who is (and always has been) Here.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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</div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-29919290774702264252011-08-16T10:47:00.000-07:002011-08-16T10:47:13.197-07:00Resentment and Hate<blockquote class="uncited"> <div>Victor: ''In relation to this self-forgiveness line: I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my impact on others.<br />
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How is it that you fear impacting upon others? What is that you fear your impact will create in others, or in your world? Do you feel like you can impact others in a good way, but also in a bad way? And in that case, do you fear impacing others in a bad way? And what does it mean to be bad then?<br />
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Some questions that might help you to further open your self-forgiveness''</div></blockquote><br />
Thanks Victor. I will explore this.<br />
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The first biggie that's really revealing to me is the fact that I fear others will resent me if I demand sef-responsibility from them, so I hardly ever do it. I just let things go and grow frustrted that nobody in my world, not one person, is self-responsible. So when I flip that around and bring it back to myself I can see thay I fear resenting myself, or I resent myself for not taking self-responsibiility, and therefore I 'let things go', and let myself get away with things like habbits and patterns and participation in the mind.<br />
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When I first got married I was 23, and I had never really had any responsibilities in life. The ones I did have, like shool, I quit, I just gave up on things or avoided things that were 'too much work' or 'too hard', 'too diffficult' for me to handle. My husband did not accept this behaviour and placed expectations on me that I was not used to, and he made me accountable for my actions whereas I was used to always being let off the hook by myself and others. For this I felt at times extreme resentment and hatred towards him (hell hath no fury as a woman scorned), but as time passed I began to respect him.<br />
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But the resentment and hatred I felt for him when he would call me out on something or make me be responsible for something is what I fear others feeling towards me. Especially because it was also in my personality to depend on being liked by everyone.<br />
But now it's time to make myself accountable, self-responsible, and to call myself out on the things I had been letting slip by. And so this entails dealing with my own resentment and hatred, which is the resentment and hatred of my mind as I change from within it, thus threatening its very existance and survival. <br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the resentment and hatred I create, as a mind, in response to being held accountable and self-responsible, on to those closest to me in my world.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to depend on those closest to me to be responsible for me, as if I were a child still dependant on its mother, instead of growing up within mysef and taking self-responsibility and accountability for myself, and so I forgive myself for accepting and alllowing myself to then participate in the emotions of resentment and hatred towards those people when they do in fact hold me responsible or accountable.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that anybody but myself can hold me accountible or 'make' me self-responsible, only I can direct me in every breath, as only I know when I am being self-dishonest or abdicating my self-responsibility.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid pushing myself to take self-responsibility because of fear the resentment and hate that I know my mind is capable of.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear hating and resenting myself because I don't take respnsibility in every moment.<br />
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Here what is interesting to me is the fact that if I take responsibility I will hate and resent myself for making myself do such a difficult thing, but if I don't take responsibility I will hate and resent myself for not pushing myself. The reason is because taking self-responsibility is being Here as Life, and not in the mind living out time loops and energy-creating polarity, therefor, the resentments and hatred my own mind manifests within me is due to the fact that I am essentially eradicating my mind and my egoic delusions that I have been living as. Persuing this despite these 'bad' or 'negative' feelings will eventually lead to self-respect and self-trust, stability etc... Whereas NOT pushing myself to take self-responsibility leads me to project my resentment and hatred on to others in my world, beause an irresposnible person needs to be taken care of, and others will eventually make some demands because it is impossible to entirely take care of another being without them taking some kind of responsibility for themselves.<br />
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Also, not taking responsibility leads to self-judgment, self-loathing, resentment and hatred within me because I now know better, so when I don't take responsibility it is a choice to not live and to give up on myself. <br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing hate and resentment to exist within and as me, these are emotions I am capable of and I take responsibility for, they are not Life, they are not of oneness and equality, they are manifestations of the mind which I do not allow myself to participate within and as.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach resentment and hate to whatever it is that is pushing me to give up my addiction to energy.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that the emotions of resentment and hate are not real, but rather only withdrawl 'symptoms' or reactions to my cessation of the constant feeding of energy within my mind.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear experiencing what my mind is capable of, threrfore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own mind, my own creation.<br />
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If I fear my own creation I am essentially making it bigger than who I really am, giving it power over me, abdicating myself to it, allowing it to live thus enslaving myself to it.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my resentment and frustration on to my husband instead of taking responsibility for it, thus separating myself from it, allwoing it to grow as if I had no control over it.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my husband as a point of release and self-abdication within separation.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my husband as a point of blame and thus as an excuse for me to not move and direct myself within my own life and process.<br />
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I accept and allow myself to live without fearing taking self-responsibility.<br />
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I accept and allow myself to apply myself within my own process, stating clearly and publicly what I will and will not stand for, desptie whatever reactions might come up from others.<br />
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I allow myself to take full self-resonsibility for myself, and to remain accountible to myself within the understanding that each is in their own process and only I can influence me.<br />
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I am Here. I Stand. I breathe.Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-62850373421792839532011-08-09T20:37:00.000-07:002011-08-09T20:37:12.047-07:00Some of my Self-Forgiveness on past experiences I'm in the proess of walking backwards and unraveling:Some of my SF on past experiences I'm in the proess of walking backwards and unraveling:<br />
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forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become ‘infatuated’ with a male, in the belief that ‘getting him to want me’ will make me feel wanted or desired.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that feeling wanted or desired will fill a void within me that I myself have created through the separation of myself.<br />
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have separated myself in so many ways that I don’t even know who I am anymore.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose myself within the systems of my mind.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can be lost, when I am in fact here all along.<br />
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am whole, and I am here.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that to want or desire the opposite sex is normal, or is to be normal.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I felt want and desire for the opposite sex when I really wanted to feel wanted and desired myself, and felt nothing for them.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate the opposite sex in order to appease my need to feel wanted and desired.<br />
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to want and desire myself, or to want and desire to share myself with another as an equal, within self-honesty.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sharing myself as an equal, within self-honesty.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being worth equality with others as life.<br />
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to value myself as ‘good enough’ for life.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own power.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my impact on others.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit and suppress myself due to my fear of my impact on others.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give myself sexually to men in order to use them and allowing them to use me.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my sexuality to abuse myself and others because I felt I was not worth anything more than something to fuck because I had separated myself to the extent of having the perception of nothing of ‘who I am’ left to value.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view myself as only good for a fuck.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I deserved to be hurt because I’m only good for a fuck.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I deserved to be hurt, or somehow asked for it.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sticking up for myself after I was hurt.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing abusive behavior to be inflicted upon myself.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing another to abuse me physically and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have abused him through manipulation.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate and scripted my own abuse.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to belittle myself, making myself less than because I felt I deserved to be abused.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty for having scripted my own abuse.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel self-disgust for having scripted my own abuse.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for what I allowed to happen unto me.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go silent in the face of abuse.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go silent in the face of abuse because I gave someone power over me.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go silent in the face of abuse because I gave someone power over me because I did not believe I had any power over myself.Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-7981155180883061362011-08-09T13:34:00.000-07:002011-08-09T13:34:13.724-07:00Self-Forgiveness on facing Myself Here, Now<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ok, so, here I am, sitting in my house, at my computer, where I’ve sat a million times and fallen in the face of who I am in this position. This position meaning, as a focused and disciplined individual who is about to start working on a very big assignment by simply sitting down, organizing and beginning to write. Already I feel overwhelmed, I’m miles ahead of myself thinking about failure, not being able to get it together, thinking about it bringing down my GPA, affecting my whole career as a student if I don’t ace this assignment. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve been in this position many times in my life, and have always envied those who can just simply do it. Up to this point, I have not been able to. I don’t know if it has a name, ADD or OCD or XYZ, but it’s here with me. Big time. I can feel it as tightness in my throat, a feeling of withdrawal as if from a drug, a strong urge to get up out of this chair and go anywhere, do anything but this, a desire to pick at my skin and eat sugar and smoke or eat anything. And that’s what I’ve been doing, bouncing back and forth like a mad woman, in the chair-out of the chair- eating sugar- smoking like a chimney –picking at my skin – looking in the cupboards for a snack – freaking out about everything… But today is the day, and this is the breath. I’m here today with no cigarettes, no car, no food, just me and my imagined ‘unbelievable overwhelming project’ that needs to get done in order for me to have time to do all the other things I have to do in my life. I need o face this and to walk through it now. No more excuses.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So, here we go, the keys are my Key:<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest resistances to siting down and focusing myself because of the self-created patterns of ‘giving in’ existent in me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect physical resistances to sitting down and focusing myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect sitting down and focusing on a project to the word ‘hard’.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define sitting down and focusing myself within the word ‘hard’.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from sitting down and focusing myself, and from the word ‘hard’, by defining focusing myself within the word ‘hard’ in separation of me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect sitting down and focusing myself to the word ‘overwhelming’.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define sitting down and focusing myself within the word ‘overwhelming’.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from sitting down and focusing myself, and from the word ‘overwhelming’ by defining sitting down and focusing myself within the word ‘hard’ in separation of myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing resistances to sitting down and focusing myself to exist within and as me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am less-than the mind, and breathing this belief to life by giving in to the mind and all the physical reactions that go with it when it comes to focusing myself in a concentrated way on a task that needs to get done that I don’t necessarily want to do.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by what I want and don’t want rather than being directed by the principle of doing what’s best for all in all ways.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hard: <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dictionary definition: Difficult to do, difficult to understand or explain, difficult to endure, harsh, severe, stern.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My allocation: focusing, concentration, low-stimulation, effort, slow accumulation, not wanting to…<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">New definition:<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">H</b>ere <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">AR</b>e my <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">D</b>emons<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When something is ‘hard’ for me to do it is because I am in the process of facing my self-created and pre-programmed system demons, habits and patterns. When something is hard it indicates to me that it’s time to get hardy, to withstand and push through what I have accepted and allowed within myself. to ensure I don’t take the comfortable road or easy way out of excuses and distractions in the form of cigarettes, picking candy and food and other distractions I may think of. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When something is hard it’s time for me to step up, stick to the principle of oneness and equality for all that is Here with me. It’s time to become one and equal to my demons, so that I can be in a position where I stand stable and do not accept or allow myself to be influenced by the internal experiences that are created by my mind.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Overwhelming (overwhelm):<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dictionary definition: to pour down and bury beneath, to crush, overpower.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My allocation: the inability to move myself, tightness, walls, confusion and lack of clarity.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The word sounds like: <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">OVER </b>the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">W</b>(h)<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">E</b>a<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">L</b>th of <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">M</b>atter<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To become overwhelmed is to place one’s mind’s creations over the wealth of matter, as if one’s thoughts in the forms of worries, stresses and fears were ‘more-than’ what’s Here as the physical, as matter.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I become overwhelmed I remember that everything is right Here, all of me is Here in matter, and only my mind can project into the future, causing me to feel overwhelmed. Only my mind can overwhelm me with thoughts that ‘it’s too much’ and ‘I can’t possibly do it all’. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Nothing is more than what’s here as matter, as the physical, only in our minds is something greater than us. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I stand stable here, one and equal to what’s here, and place nothing over the wealth of matter, that is the only place there is real wealth.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I sit at my desk, I stop, I breathe, and I take my task one step at a time, until it’s done, because that is the only way it can be done.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘give in’ thus in a sense giving up on myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept or allow myself to give up on myself, no matter how small or insignificant the ‘battle’ may seem, the accumulative effect will determine me in the end as I accumulate either a million small victories or a million defeats. I choose perseverance, I choose to accumulate myself as Life.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive facing myself as a battle, Living does not entail battles or fighting, remaining stable doesn’t require conflict. I breathe Here, within stability through all the imagined battles in my mind.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not accept or allow myself to participate in the battles in my mind, or self against self. I am Here, complete and whole. There is no conflict within oneness and equality, only in the mind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-91680001064904252892011-08-03T08:29:00.000-07:002011-08-03T08:29:04.708-07:00Finding Stability Within and Throughout External Changes The external changes that I have been experiencing at the moment are my online classes. I also have a part time job which is relatively new, and I’m doing DIP. Also, I moved back in with my husband for the summer, and will be moving out again, back to Canada, back in with my parents during the fall and winter. All of these changes are really cool and I have felt stable within them, except sometimes the pressure mounts, and I allow myself to become affected by it, I allow myself to become less than it by holding onto this belief that somehow its greater than me.<br />
I have been working on this point for a while and at each bit of progress I think I’ve got it, but within self-honesty I see the point is not yet fully transcended. Externally I’ve got it down pretty well in terms of balancing my time between school, work, relationship and then daily responsibilities, but internally I am still allowing the occasional fall into the experience of emotional turmoil in the form of stress, anxiety, overwhelmed, difficulty breathing and a sense of the ‘walls closing in on me’. It comes in fits and bouts as the pressure waxes and wanes.<br />
As I’ve said, externally I do what needs to be done in terms of planning my time and planning my finances, but internally it starts to get to me, and then I go in to the aforementioned experiences and I end up being ineffective with my time use, thus furthering the internal experience. I can relate this back to my past experience as a student, where the cycle was to not do the appropriate work, have an assignment due, not do the assignment well, get a bad grade and then go into an experience of failure. So every step along the way is doomed. And now I see this pattern come up again in relation to my current experience of the changes I’ve taken on, I have this back door because in some small way I feel doomed to failure, feeling like its too hard, I’m not capable, I can’t do it. Even though I’ve been doing it! I have not yet allowed myself the internal stability of trusting that I can do, I am doing it, and I will continue do it. <br />
In the end, when I allow myself to lack stability as I move myself,it is not me utilizing self-directive principle, but rather me being pushed by the stress and fear of failure, which is really very unpleasant. It becomes tension and stiffness in the upper back and shoulders, tightness in the chest, shallow breathing and an overall sense of discomfort and anxiety.<br />
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So here, I bring myself back together. I realize it is absolutely unreasonable and useless to go in to these emotional reactions. I’m going to have to deal with these realities of life whether I’m stable or in emotional turmoil, so I chose stability. I chose to not be moved despite the external circumstances. <br />
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Self-Forgiveness:<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave myself to my self-created past patterns of failure. <br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I will fail, when I know very well I will not give up.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the fear of failure to the thought “I have an assignment due.”<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within and as the fear of failure connected to the thought ‘I have an assignment due’ in separation of myself.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within and as failure, in separation of myself.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the fear of failure to exist within an as me.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can find a shortcut or an easy way out of the difficulties I face.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility to myself as Life by looking for shortcuts and easy ways out.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I don’t find a shortcut or easy way out, then it is too difficult and I cannot do it.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to immediately put up resistances when confronted by difficulty.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to immediately go into an experience of being overwhelmed when I don’t understand something right away.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a feeling of ‘rushed’ and pressure when I don’t understand something right away instead of taking the task apart into steps and allowing myself to build an understanding within stability, one step and one breath at a time.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist studying, writing and learning.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist studying, writing and learning because they are things that make me face myself and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing resistances towards studying, writing and learning to exist within and as me.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing resistances towards facing myself to exist within and as me.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be moved, in any way, in the face of resistances.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect resistances in the form of tightness, stress, anxiety and the feeling of being overwhelmed to the acts of studying, writing and learning.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not effectively use my tools: my breath, my stability, my self-forgiveness and my self-directive principle, and instead go into an experience of tightness, stress, anxiety and the experience of being overwhelmed, when I know that with the use of these tools, I can walk with stability through anything.<br />
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I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself the self-trust in knowing and living the fact that I can and will do this.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place pressure on myself to do well, instead of gently pushing myself to understand the material.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create unnecessary relationships with studying, wherein I allow it to change my internal experience into one of tension, stress, anxiety, resistances and fear of failure, instead of remaining present as awareness, in breath.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall in the face of these resistances by avoiding facing who I am in relation to schoolwork and life pressures such as money, relationship, and responsibilities.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within pressure, stress, tension, anxiety and overwhelmedness connected to pressures in my life, in separation of myself.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing pressure, tension, anxiety, and overwhelmedness to exist within and as me.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing external changes to change my internal experience of myself.<br />
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I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to remain Here, and to face myself and who I have accepted and allowed myself to become, within stability.<br />
It’s time now, to walk through these resistances, because I do not accept and allow myself to exist within and as them anymore. <br />
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I allow myself to realize that I can do it, one breath at a time; the only way it can all get done is to start Here, in every moment and in every breath. <br />
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I allow myself to trust myself in my capabilities to do what needs to be done in terms of schoolwork, monetary obligations, relationship, DIP and work, within stability.<br />
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I do not accept or allow the fear of failure to exist within and as me, or to move me in any way.<br />
I do not accept or allow past patterns to dictate or determine who I am.<br />
I accept and allow myself to walk through the fear of failure within and as breath, as I direct me as who I am as Life.<br />
I realize that the only way through is one breath at a time, and that is all I need to complete and accomplish everything and anything that is placed before me.<br />
I realize there are no shortcuts, and the only way is through.<br />
When I have something due in my life, such as an assignment or a bill or a responsibility, I stop, I breathe, I do not allow myself to fall into my old patterns of fear, but rather I realize that I direct me, I am capable of navigating my way through these things as I stand equal and one with them, and that I will do them and get them done one step and one breath at a time.Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8519744688518985686.post-55108329131326176182011-07-31T08:25:00.001-07:002011-07-31T08:25:05.656-07:00Facing Resistances Towards Asserting Mysef and Being AccountableI have to make a difficult phone call, I was going to send an email instead, but doing so would be caving into resistances, and where there are resistances, there Is separation. <br />
I’m moving back to Canada to go to school, and I had arranged a job and had it all lined up and ready to go. I would be a sort of personal assistant to a very busy woman. But as time passed and my schedule limitations began to present themselves and an unexpected family illness drew my attention elsewhere, I had to make the decision to back out of the arrangement I had with this woman.<br />
So now I have to call her and tell her about my decision. This should be no big deal, but for some reason, I am having huge resistances towards it. I experience these same resistances whenever I quit a job or have to back out of something I had agreed to. Before Desteni, I used to tell white lies or leave it to the last minute, allowing the pressure to build up until it moved me into action. But not this time, this time I move myself and this time I speak from a starting point of honesty, communicating from a starting point of self-honesty, and not deceit.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist making a phone call.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist making a phone call because of the thought/perception/belief that I am letting someone down.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that “letting someone down“ will disappoint them.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that ‘letting someone down’ makes me a disappointment.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project disappointment in myself on to another.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself by projecting disappointment in myself on to another.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be disappointed in myself through separation.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within and as disappointment.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing disappointment to exist within and as me.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the thought of letting someone down’ with disappointment in myself.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought that I can let someone down to exist within and as me.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my expectations in myself on to someone else’s expectations of me in separation.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my expectations of myself onto another being.<br />
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I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take self-responsibility for myself by allowing myself to separate myself by placing my disappointment in myself onto another being.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from myself by placing my disappointment in myself outside of myself.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid facing myself, and my disappointment in myself, by avoiding making this phone call.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can hide from myself by avoiding facing myself.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from myself by placing my expectations of myself onto another being through projection.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have to take responsibility for myself by projecting my expectations outside myself in separation, and placing them on another, thus giving my power away to another by accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I need to live up to her standards, and not my own. <br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away by projecting my expectations of myself onto beings in my world, thus depending on my reflection of myself through them in order to judge myself and evaluate my progress in separation.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can let someone else down.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am responsible for the emotional state of another.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I must live up to my perceived expectations of myself through another.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel disappointed in myself instead of taking self-responsibility and facing myself by doing what needs to be done with certainty and directness.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being certain and direct.<br />
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I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be certain and direct within myself, and with my actions and words.<br />
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the reactions of others when I am certain and direct.<br />
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I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take self-responsibility for my certainty and directness by allowing a backdoor wherein I hold on to the fear and self-doubt within myself, of fearing and doubting that I will or can stand by myself, by my decisions and my actions eternally.<br />
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I bring myself Here, I allow myself to take self-responsibility by facing my own self-disappointment instead of projecting it on to another,<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel disappointed in myself, and I no longer allow self-disappointment to exist within and as me. I replace self-disappointment with my commitment to myself to act with certainty and directness within what I must do in my life.<br />
I allow myself to exist as certainty and directness within my actions, words and deeds.<br />
I no longer allow myself to place my self-expectations outside of myself, and I take self-responsibility to live up to my expectations of myself by facing myself in each moment.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create un-realistic expectations of myself, and instead I allow myself to expect self-honesty within the understanding of what I am capable of in my life and in each moment.Kim Doubthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16664978930030125818noreply@blogger.com0