Popular Posts

Monday, August 22, 2011

Separation Causing Self-Judgment


When I look back to the time in my life where I felt the most ‘insecure,’ I realize that what I experienced within and as myself was a complete devaluation of self. I attempted to understand my experience within myself by comparing myself to those around me, leaving me feeling isolated, alone and without an innate sense of value or worth. I experienced this comparison as: everyone seeming happy, certain, confident and sure of their place, while I felt confused, different, scared, confused and helpless to change. I was desperately looking for myself, my sense of wholeness, and during and throughout that search I ended up separating myself further, losing myself further in an attempt to be like others and experience myself as others project their experience of themselves. Now I see it’s quite possible that I projected the same confidence and certainty, happiness and security within this separation, as I attempted to hide my perceived vulnerability. Within this false projection of self I supressed all negative experiences of myself, not taking responsibility for them but instead fearing them, hiding them deep within myself in the hopes that they would just go away and disappear. Instead they compounded and manifested, while who I really am became deserted and neglected. This experience manifested itself through recurring dreams wherein I would happen upon a dying animal which I had been responsible for in some forgotten place in a house, usually the basement. I would find it-usually a hamster or fish or gerbil- an actual animal that I had had as a pet- and it would be in some filthy cage with no food or water. Upon seeing it I would suddenly remember that I was supposed to have fed and cared for it, but had completely forgotten about it, and I would feel overwhelmed with guilt and dread at what I had done. I always knew, even as a teenager, that that animal was me, but I never understood how to care for and nurture self, or how to stop (self-forgive) the self-neglect and resultant self-disgust, guilt and dread.

Guilt, dread and disgust are words which resonate within me when considering what I have accepted and allowed myself to do unto myself through my participation in the mind as self-dishonesty, suppression and separation of self (thus neglecting and deserting my true self as who I really am as life). Now I fear facing what I have done unto myself. I fear the dread, the guilt and self-hate, disgust and resentment that I must face within and as myself, as it is entirely self-created and designed and lived out over the years by myself as the mind. I have no one to blame and nowhere left to run. I am entirely responsible for my experience of myself and only I can forgive myself and direct myself through it.

But what I realize now is that I am ready and willing to forgive myself for it, for all of it, thus humbling myself completely in the face of myself. Such an act of grace, of actual unconditional love and kindness that I am willing to give myself as a gift of self back to self is something I have never experienced nor ever thought possible. I thought only Christ himself or some divine being would be capable or such compassion, power and mercy, and in the face of this I feel unworthy as everything I have done unto myself comes back to haunt me to my very core. But as I am both forgiver and forgiven, I allow myself to stand within this separation of self-judgment in all its many forms so that I may stop this repeating cycle and forgive myself for it and release myself from it, once and for all, so that I can find myself whole again and stand one and equal to all that is here. But the first step can only be forgiveness:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have lost myself by searching for myself, my wholeness, my completeness, my self-worth and my peace of mind, outside of myself, within participation in the mind through continuously chasing illusions and shadows, instead of stopping myself in each moment to realize that I am Here already, and that in this endless search and chase for myself I have further separated myself from myself as who I really am as life.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have supressed myself, and to continue to supress myself within the belief that Who I Am cannot already be existent within myself, because of the belief that all that is existent within myself is fear, dread, guilt, self-disgust, neglect and desertion. And I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Who I Really Am As Life and can only be sought outside myself, within experiences of myself as the mind, and within and through the validation of others, instead of realizing that Who I Really Am As Life is what is in fact within me, and the fear, dread, guilt, self-disgust, neglect and desertion are only beliefs of the mind, and are in fact not real.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make the fear, dread, guilt, self-disgust, neglect and desertion that I experienced within myself real by participating in them and believing them to be real, believing them to be who I am, thus living them into my reality, instead of forgiving myself and releasing myself from them in order to discover who I really am beneath all the layers of beliefs.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear, dread, guilt, self-disgust, neglect and desertion to exist within and as me, as a result of my outward searching for my inward self, creating the separation that make these experiences possible. And I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe these experiences of myself to be real, and to be who I am as I have, within the belief of their real-ness, defined myself according to them, as them, instead of seeing and realizing that these feelings are self-created experiences of the mind which I have accepted and allowed within and as me.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within and as fear, dread, guilt, self-disgust, neglect and desertion in separation of myself.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own self-created fear, dread, guilt, self-disgust, neglect and desertion, thus actually becoming them as my inner experience of self, instead of realizing myself as breath, as Life, with the ability to direct myself, to take responsibility for my experience of self in every moment ,Here.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continuously attempt to escape my inner experience of myself through suppression, neglect and desertion of myself while I chase manifested external experiences to try to justify and validate myself as ego.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am my ego, and within that belief to attempt to satisfy that insatiable ego through the manipulation and abuse of myself and others in my world, particularly in this case, through the manipulation of men and the absolute betrayal of self I experienced within this.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that in order for me to experience myself as happy, confident, certain and ‘sure of my place in the world’ is by having males desire me in order to make me feel important and special, because of the experience of myself beginning at the age of about 12 years old, wherein I developed the belief that  ‘other girls are happy, confident, certain and sure of their place in the world because boys like them, making them special and more important’.



I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that my interpretation of external events were actually entirely due to my inner experience of incompleteness (feeling un-whole, un-special, un-important within myself), causing me to seek to fulfil and complete my ego as the mind, thus interpreting events within and as the mind instead of as Myself as Life, wherein I did not see what was really going on, but rather only a reflection of myself and my accumulated beliefs and self-definitions causing further separation of myself.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to my own interpretation of external events which caused separation and self-judgment, which caused jealousy, hate and resentment within me which I projected on to other beings in my world, viewing them as greater than me, leaving me feeling devalued, worthless, less-than, unimportant and un-special within myself, instead of realizing that I am a whole, complete being who is Here.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that others need to treat me a certain way in order for me to feel better, meaning, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my self-responsibility on to others by depending on them to ‘fix’ my inner experience of myself by ‘making it better for me’ within the belief that I am powerless to change myself for myself.



I accept and allow myself to see and realize that I have all the power and directive principle I will ever need within me already to change myself and to be my own self-directive principle.



I accept and allow myself to see and realize that all of the negative emotions and inner experiences of myself are only ever of the mind and always have been, and I accept and allow myself to see and realize that I am willing to unconditionally forgive myself for all I have ever accepted and allowed myself to be and become, so that I may change and realize myself as Life, Here.



I accept and allow myself to see and realize that the positive emotions and positive inner experiences of myself are only polarity energetic charges within me, manifesting their polar opposites, and I do not accept or allow myself to participate in either end of the energetic polarity within my mind whatsoever.



I accept and allow myself to see and realize myself as breath, as Life, with the ability to direct myself, to take responsibility for my experience of self in every moment, Here.

I accept and allow myself to see and realize that I am a complete and whole being who is (and always has been) Here.


Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Resentment and Hate

Victor: ''In relation to this self-forgiveness line: I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my impact on others.

How is it that you fear impacting upon others? What is that you fear your impact will create in others, or in your world? Do you feel like you can impact others in a good way, but also in a bad way? And in that case, do you fear impacing others in a bad way? And what does it mean to be bad then?

Some questions that might help you to further open your self-forgiveness''

Thanks Victor. I will explore this.

The first biggie that's really revealing to me is the fact that I fear others will resent me if I demand sef-responsibility from them, so I hardly ever do it. I just let things go and grow frustrted that nobody in my world, not one person, is self-responsible. So when I flip that around and bring it back to myself I can see thay I fear resenting myself, or I resent myself for not taking self-responsibiility, and therefore I 'let things go', and let myself get away with things like habbits and patterns and participation in the mind.

When I first got married I was 23, and I had never really had any responsibilities in life. The ones I did have, like shool, I quit, I just gave up on things or avoided things that were 'too much work' or 'too hard', 'too diffficult' for me to handle. My husband did not accept this behaviour and placed expectations on me that I was not used to, and he made me accountable for my actions whereas I was used to always being let off the hook by myself and others. For this I felt at times extreme resentment and hatred towards him (hell hath no fury as a woman scorned), but as time passed I began to respect him.

But the resentment and hatred I felt for him when he would call me out on something or make me be responsible for something is what I fear others feeling towards me. Especially because it was also in my personality to depend on being liked by everyone.
But now it's time to make myself accountable, self-responsible, and to call myself out on the things I had been letting slip by. And so this entails dealing with my own resentment and hatred, which is the resentment and hatred of my mind as I change from within it, thus threatening its very existance and survival.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project the resentment and hatred I create, as a mind, in response to being held accountable and self-responsible, on to those closest to me in my world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to depend on those closest to me to be responsible for me, as if I were a child still dependant on its mother, instead of growing up within mysef and taking self-responsibility and accountability for myself, and so I forgive myself for accepting and alllowing myself to then participate in the emotions of resentment and hatred towards those people when they do in fact hold me responsible or accountable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that anybody but myself can hold me accountible or 'make' me self-responsible, only I can direct me in every breath, as only I know when I am being self-dishonest or abdicating my self-responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid pushing myself to take self-responsibility because of fear the resentment and hate that I know my mind is capable of.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear hating and resenting myself because I don't take respnsibility in every moment.

Here what is interesting to me is the fact that if I take responsibility I will hate and resent myself for making myself do such a difficult thing, but if I don't take responsibility I will hate and resent myself for not pushing myself. The reason is because taking self-responsibility is being Here as Life, and not in the mind living out time loops and energy-creating polarity, therefor, the resentments and hatred my own mind manifests within me is due to the fact that I am essentially eradicating my mind and my egoic delusions that I have been living as. Persuing this despite these 'bad' or 'negative' feelings will eventually lead to self-respect and self-trust, stability etc... Whereas NOT pushing myself to take self-responsibility leads me to project my resentment and hatred on to others in my world, beause an irresposnible person needs to be taken care of, and others will eventually make some demands because it is impossible to entirely take care of another being without them taking some kind of responsibility for themselves.

Also, not taking responsibility leads to self-judgment, self-loathing, resentment and hatred within me because I now know better, so when I don't take responsibility it is a choice to not live and to give up on myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing hate and resentment to exist within and as me, these are emotions I am capable of and I take responsibility for, they are not Life, they are not of oneness and equality, they are manifestations of the mind which I do not allow myself to participate within and as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach resentment and hate to whatever it is that is pushing me to give up my addiction to energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that the emotions of resentment and hate are not real, but rather only withdrawl 'symptoms' or reactions to my cessation of the constant feeding of energy within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear experiencing what my mind is capable of, threrfore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own mind, my own creation.

If I fear my own creation I am essentially making it bigger than who I really am, giving it power over me, abdicating myself to it, allowing it to live thus enslaving myself to it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my resentment and frustration on to my husband instead of taking responsibility for it, thus separating myself from it, allwoing it to grow as if I had no control over it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my husband as a point of release and self-abdication within separation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my husband as a point of blame and thus as an excuse for me to not move and direct myself within my own life and process.

I accept and allow myself to live without fearing taking self-responsibility.

I accept and allow myself to apply myself within my own process, stating clearly and publicly what I will and will not stand for, desptie whatever reactions might come up from others.

I allow myself to take full self-resonsibility for myself, and to remain accountible to myself within the understanding that each is in their own process and only I can influence me.

I am Here. I Stand. I breathe.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Some of my Self-Forgiveness on past experiences I'm in the proess of walking backwards and unraveling:

Some of my SF on past experiences I'm in the proess of walking backwards and unraveling:

forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become ‘infatuated’ with a male, in the belief that ‘getting him to want me’ will make me feel wanted or desired.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that feeling wanted or desired will fill a void within me that I myself have created through the separation of myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have separated myself in so many ways that I don’t even know who I am anymore.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose myself within the systems of my mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can be lost, when I am in fact here all along.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am whole, and I am here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that to want or desire the opposite sex is normal, or is to be normal.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I felt want and desire for the opposite sex when I really wanted to feel wanted and desired myself, and felt nothing for them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate the opposite sex in order to appease my need to feel wanted and desired.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to want and desire myself, or to want and desire to share myself with another as an equal, within self-honesty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sharing myself as an equal, within self-honesty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being worth equality with others as life.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to value myself as ‘good enough’ for life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own power.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my impact on others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit and suppress myself due to my fear of my impact on others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give myself sexually to men in order to use them and allowing them to use me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my sexuality to abuse myself and others because I felt I was not worth anything more than something to fuck because I had separated myself to the extent of having the perception of nothing of ‘who I am’ left to value.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view myself as only good for a fuck.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I deserved to be hurt because I’m only good for a fuck.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I deserved to be hurt, or somehow asked for it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sticking up for myself after I was hurt.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing abusive behavior to be inflicted upon myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing another to abuse me physically and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have abused him through manipulation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate and scripted my own abuse.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to belittle myself, making myself less than because I felt I deserved to be abused.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty for having scripted my own abuse.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel self-disgust for having scripted my own abuse.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for what I allowed to happen unto me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go silent in the face of abuse.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go silent in the face of abuse because I gave someone power over me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go silent in the face of abuse because I gave someone power over me because I did not believe I had any power over myself.

Self-Forgiveness on facing Myself Here, Now


Ok, so, here I am, sitting in my house, at my computer, where I’ve sat a million times and fallen in the face of who I am in this position. This position meaning, as a focused and disciplined individual who is about to start working on a very big assignment by simply sitting down, organizing and beginning to write. Already I feel overwhelmed, I’m miles ahead of myself thinking about failure, not being able to get it together, thinking about it bringing down my GPA, affecting my whole career as a student if I don’t ace this assignment.



I’ve been in this position many times in my life, and have always envied those who can just simply do it. Up to this point, I have not been able to. I don’t know if it has a name, ADD or OCD or XYZ, but it’s here with me. Big time. I can feel it as tightness in my throat, a feeling of withdrawal as if from a drug, a strong urge to get up out of this chair and go anywhere, do anything but this, a desire to pick at my skin and eat sugar and smoke or eat anything. And that’s what I’ve been doing, bouncing back and forth like a mad woman, in the chair-out of the chair- eating sugar- smoking like a chimney –picking at my skin – looking in the cupboards for a snack – freaking out about everything… But today is the day, and this is the breath. I’m here today with no cigarettes, no car, no food, just me and my imagined ‘unbelievable overwhelming project’ that needs to get done in order for me to have time to do all the other things I have to do in my life. I need o face this and to walk through it now. No more excuses.



So, here we go, the keys are my Key:



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest resistances to siting down and focusing myself because of the self-created patterns of ‘giving in’ existent in me.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect physical resistances to sitting down and focusing myself.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect sitting down and focusing on a project to the word ‘hard’.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define sitting down and focusing myself within the word ‘hard’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from sitting down and focusing myself, and from the word ‘hard’, by defining focusing myself within the word ‘hard’ in separation of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect sitting down and focusing myself to the word ‘overwhelming’.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define sitting down and focusing myself within the word ‘overwhelming’.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from sitting down and focusing myself, and from the word ‘overwhelming’ by defining sitting down and focusing myself within the word ‘hard’ in separation of myself.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing resistances to sitting down and focusing myself to exist within and as me.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am less-than the mind, and breathing this belief to life by giving in to the mind and all the physical reactions that go with it when it comes to focusing myself in a concentrated way on a task that needs to get done that I don’t necessarily want to do.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by what I want and don’t want rather than being directed by the principle of doing what’s best for all in all ways.



Hard:

Dictionary definition: Difficult to do, difficult to understand or explain, difficult to endure, harsh, severe, stern.

My allocation: focusing, concentration, low-stimulation, effort, slow accumulation, not wanting to…

New definition:



Here ARe my Demons

When something is ‘hard’ for me to do it is because I am in the process of facing my self-created and pre-programmed system demons, habits and patterns. When something is hard it indicates to me that it’s time to get hardy, to withstand and push through what I have accepted and allowed within myself. to ensure I don’t take the comfortable road or easy way out of excuses and distractions in the form of cigarettes, picking candy and food and other distractions I may think of.  

When something is hard it’s time for me to step up, stick to the principle of oneness and equality for all that is Here with me. It’s time to become one and equal to my demons, so that I can be in a position where I stand stable and do not accept or allow myself to be influenced by the internal experiences that are created by my mind.



Overwhelming (overwhelm):

Dictionary definition: to pour down and bury beneath, to crush, overpower.

My allocation: the inability to move myself, tightness, walls, confusion and lack of clarity.

The word sounds like: OVER the W(h)EaLth of Matter

To become overwhelmed is to place one’s mind’s creations over the wealth of matter, as if one’s thoughts in the forms of worries, stresses and fears were ‘more-than’ what’s Here as the physical, as matter.

When I become overwhelmed I remember that everything is right Here, all of me is Here in matter, and only my mind can project into the future, causing me to feel overwhelmed. Only my mind can overwhelm me with thoughts that ‘it’s too much’ and ‘I can’t possibly do it all’.

Nothing is more than what’s here as matter, as the physical, only in our minds is something greater than us.



I stand stable here, one and equal to what’s here, and place nothing over the wealth of matter, that is the only place there is real wealth.



When I sit at my desk, I stop, I breathe, and I take my task one step at a time, until it’s done, because that is the only way it can be done.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘give in’ thus in a sense giving up on myself.

I do not accept or allow myself to give up on myself, no matter how small or insignificant the ‘battle’ may seem, the accumulative effect will determine me in the end as I accumulate either a million small victories or a million defeats. I choose perseverance, I choose to accumulate myself as Life.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive facing myself as a battle, Living does not entail battles or fighting, remaining stable doesn’t require conflict. I breathe Here, within stability through all the imagined battles in my mind.



I do not accept or allow myself to participate in the battles in my mind, or self against self. I am Here, complete and whole. There is no conflict within oneness and equality, only in the mind.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Finding Stability Within and Throughout External Changes

     The external changes that I have been experiencing at the moment are my online classes. I also have a part time job which is relatively new, and I’m doing DIP. Also, I moved back in with my husband for the summer, and will be moving out again, back to Canada, back in with my parents during the fall and winter. All of these changes are really cool and I have felt stable within them, except sometimes the pressure mounts, and I allow myself to become affected by it, I allow myself to become less than it by holding onto this belief that somehow its greater than me.
I have been working on this point for a while and at each bit of progress I think I’ve got it, but within self-honesty I see the point is not yet fully transcended. Externally I’ve got it down pretty well in terms of balancing my time between school, work, relationship and then daily responsibilities, but internally I am still allowing the occasional fall into the experience of emotional turmoil in the form of stress, anxiety, overwhelmed, difficulty breathing and a sense of the ‘walls closing in on me’. It comes in fits and bouts as the pressure waxes and wanes.
As I’ve said, externally I do what needs to be done in terms of planning my time and planning my finances, but internally it starts to get to me, and then I go in to the aforementioned experiences and I end up being ineffective with my time use, thus furthering the internal experience. I can relate this back to my past experience as a student, where the cycle was to not do the appropriate work, have an assignment due, not do the assignment well, get a bad grade and then go into an experience of failure. So every step along the way is doomed. And now I see this pattern come up again in relation to my current experience of the changes I’ve taken on, I have this back door because in some small way I feel doomed to failure, feeling like its too hard, I’m not capable, I can’t do it. Even though I’ve been doing it! I have not yet allowed myself the internal stability of trusting that I can do, I am doing it, and I will continue do it.
In the end, when I allow myself to lack stability as I move myself,it is not me utilizing self-directive principle, but rather me being pushed by the stress and fear of failure, which is really very unpleasant. It becomes tension and stiffness in the upper back and shoulders, tightness in the chest, shallow breathing and an overall sense of discomfort and anxiety.

So here, I bring myself back together. I realize it is absolutely unreasonable and useless to go in to these emotional reactions. I’m going to have to deal with these realities of life whether I’m stable or in emotional turmoil, so I chose stability. I chose to not be moved despite the external circumstances.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave myself to my self-created past patterns of failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I will fail, when I know very well I will not give up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the fear of failure to the thought “I have an assignment due.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within and as the fear of failure connected to the thought ‘I have an assignment due’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within and as failure, in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the fear of failure to exist within an as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can find a shortcut or an easy way out of the difficulties I face.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility to myself as Life by looking for shortcuts and easy ways out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I don’t find a shortcut or easy way out, then it is too difficult and I cannot do it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to immediately put up resistances when confronted by difficulty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to immediately go into an experience of being overwhelmed when I don’t understand something right away.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a feeling of ‘rushed’ and pressure when I don’t understand something right away instead of taking the task apart into steps and allowing myself to build an understanding within stability, one step and one breath at a time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist studying, writing and learning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist studying, writing and learning because they are things that make me face myself and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing resistances towards studying, writing and learning to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing resistances towards facing myself to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be moved, in any way, in the face of resistances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect resistances in the form of tightness, stress, anxiety and the feeling of being overwhelmed to the acts of studying, writing and learning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not effectively use my tools: my breath, my stability, my self-forgiveness and my self-directive principle, and instead go into an experience of tightness, stress, anxiety and the experience of being overwhelmed, when I know that with the use of these tools, I can walk with stability through anything.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself the self-trust in knowing and living the fact that I can and will do this.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place pressure on myself to do well, instead of gently pushing myself to understand the material.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create unnecessary relationships with studying, wherein I allow it to change my internal experience into one of tension, stress, anxiety, resistances and fear of failure, instead of remaining present as awareness, in breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall in the face of these resistances by avoiding facing who I am in relation to schoolwork and life pressures such as money, relationship, and responsibilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within pressure, stress, tension, anxiety and overwhelmedness connected to pressures in my life, in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing pressure, tension, anxiety, and overwhelmedness to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing external changes to change my internal experience of myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to remain Here, and to face myself and who I have accepted and allowed myself to become, within stability.
It’s time now, to walk through these resistances, because I do not accept and allow myself to exist within and as them anymore.

I allow myself to realize that I can do it, one breath at a time; the only way it can all get done is to start Here, in every moment and in every breath.

I allow myself to trust myself in my capabilities to do what needs to be done in terms of schoolwork, monetary obligations, relationship, DIP and work, within stability.

I do not accept or allow the fear of failure to exist within and as me, or to move me in any way.
I do not accept or allow past patterns to dictate or determine who I am.
I accept and allow myself to walk through the fear of failure within and as breath, as I direct me as who I am as Life.
I realize that the only way through is one breath at a time, and that is all I need to complete and accomplish everything and anything that is placed before me.
I realize there are no shortcuts, and the only way is through.
When I have something due in my life, such as an assignment or a bill or a responsibility, I stop, I breathe, I do not allow myself to fall into my old patterns of fear, but rather I realize that I direct me, I am capable of navigating my way through these things as I stand equal and one with them, and that I will do them and get them done one step and one breath at a time.