When I first found and started watching the Desteni videos I kept it to myself. I projected this belief that the internet has a stigma, and anything found online that goes against normally accepted standards and practices was in a category along with conspiracy theories, crazy people, paranoia, and/or just plain lies. Before I started watching, learning and understanding the Desteni material, I had been watching lectures by people like Maurice Cotterell, I especially liked the one where he proposed a new design for the atom, one that explained how or why they don’t just spring apart. It made sense, and I liked the fact that he was challenging modern science, which I felt left open a lot of holes and lack of understanding, even though it seemed to claim to ‘have all the answers.’
As I watched and understood things like this, I began sharing them with my husband and family. They found it very interesting too. It was a very different path for me to be taking, becoming interested in all this stuff. What I was really interested in was questioning the norm, questioning my accepted beliefs and questioning reality, and I really liked looking into people who were doing the same thing, but actually coming up with better answers. However, I found talking about it all got old fast, because what was the point? Telling people about it wasn’t going to change anything, all it did was upset people’s worldviews. And for what? Nothing, because learning all this stuff was really just filling my head with facts and theories and beyond that – nothing happened. It was just entertainment. So I accepted that. I decided that it was just entertainment and I would keep it to myself as a hobby or interest when I have nothing to do because I didn’t have television at the time.
But then I happened upon a Desteni video. It really struck me to the core. I watched some more because I really wanted to understand what was being said. I began to think of all my questions that were left unanswered by the other people and groups, only to find that Desteni addressed literally every single question I had. It answered it in full detail, and it fit the answer in to the bigger whole or reality. I kept it to myself because I felt I had already gone overboard with talking about other stuff I had seen online, and Desteni material was quite challenging, not to reality or worldviews, but to who we are as people within that reality. How our own internal nature created that reality, thus making us responsible in every way, and this responsibility starts with ourselves.
In a way, this is all quite empowering, because once you take responsibility for something you then have the power to change it. This is a huge part of the understanding or message of Desteni. The more responsibility we take for ourselves and our reality, the more we can change it, so let’s start right now because there’s a lot of suffering going on. Slowly I learned about self-forgiveness and I tried it out for myself. I had seen it actually working with other people online, and I could really relate to what they were going through, so I began to do it, and it began to work for me too. This is when my desire to share Desteni became strong. Here I had found something that was totally empowering, that worked, that could actually give you back complete control over your life, and I was doing it myself, and it was changing my life so much, so of course I wanted to share it with those I cared about. However the portal aspect of it was a big problem for me. I was really worried that people would think I was crazy for accepting the existence of such a thing. I would have.
I had really been on a self-created mission before I found Desteni, one that was challenging my worldview like crazy because I was fed up with not understanding the world and reality, and with all sorts of unexplained things. I had previously felt quite limited by my scepticism in anything even slightly occult or supernatural. I was challenging myself to be open minded, by reading Jung and watching the videos online that I mentioned before, Maurice Cotterell about the atom and he also goes into astrology, and other science like string theory and quantum physics. This was really pushing my limits, so when I came upon Desteni I had become open-minded. I remember reading Jung’s “Memories, Dream and Reflections” where he talks about all sorts of strange and bizarre stuff happening in his life. I would literally pass out because my mind would just shut down at the thought of these things. I could not accept it. But that made me mad, because here I had come to respect Jung and his work for quite some time, and now I was reading this book about occult phenomena and I was physically unable to accept it. I forced myself to finish the book, even though it took months. I had gone through something in that period where I had to physically force myself to have an open mind. I realized and was very aware that I had gone through this, so when I thought about sharing Desteni, which in included the portal aspect, I thought to myself that my friends and family are probably in the position I was in before I forced myself to be open minded. If I look at myself back then, I see that I would in no way, shape or form accept the existence of the portal, and I would distance myself from anyone who believed in such things. So I was really worried about being ostracized.
When I became more comfortable with self-forgiveness and self-honesty, and as I applied them and started to empower myself to not be controlled by my fear of what others may think, and as I understood that I am my own person and no one can take that away from me or diminish me, I shared Desteni. I told my husband about it. He was reasonably sceptical. I showed him a video or two and he didn’t really believe in it, although he heard what was being said, he felt the messenger was unnecessary, and that it was a good gimmick and good marketing. I was disappointed, but I left it at that.
I told a neighbour about it and he thought it was just plain crazy. Then I got a new job in a kitchen with a bunch of other girls. I started talking to them about the empowering things I has been learning about. I could see they were affected by it. So when I was over at the house of the girl I had really clicked with, I decided to show her a video. She watched one and felt it had enough red flags to be considered a cult. I didn’t tell her that all the stuff I had been talking about at work came from these videos. I just dropped it. That’s when I stopped trying to share it.
As time went on though, Desteni become an increasingly big part of my life, as I was becoming more driven and more dedicated to myself, and I was really changing myself. My husband always asks me what I’m thinking, and before, when I was thinking about Desteni, I would lie so I didn’t have to talk about it. But as I began to become more self-honest, I realized, this is who I am, I can’t deny the impact this is all having on me, I’m going to start being honest about it, and if he decides I’m crazy and wants to leave me, then that is what I’ll have to deal with. So I began to talk about it only when he would happen to ask, or if it were relevant to the conversation. It was not easy, but I stood my ground. It’s still not exactly comfortable, but we communicate very well and we have explained to each other where we stand and what we think. He doesn’t have to believe it or accept it, that doesn’t really affect me. But he sees the change and he listens to how I work things out with my tools, and that is undeniable because he witnesses it with his own eyes.
Now I talk about it with him whenever I want because I know he has accepted the fact that this is what I do now and the results have really not affected our relationship. Because the tools have made me ‘more me’, my involvement with the material has actually benefitted my relationship. I am more open and honest with him about everything, and we are creating an environment of self-honesty and trust within which we can share ourselves with each other freely and unconditionally. It’s really actually quite amazing.
I have decided not to talk about Desteni directly with my family. I only speak to them about things that I have lived for myself, meaning I have become the ‘source’ of the information because I am not talking about what someone else did or said, I talk only about what I did or how I handled something for myself. I talk to them about the leadership training, the group in South Africa, the principles and practices, the equal money system.... basically everything but the portal. I will let that come out in time, allowing them to decide when. But the reality is that the portal aspect of the whole thing can be completely removed, and nothing really changes. I don’t feel as if I’m hiding anything from my family because I’m telling them about everything I’m doing, exactly what my plans are, and how I’m doing it all. They know where I stand and what I stand for, and I enjoy talking about it all with them very much. I happened upon Desteni on my own, so maybe one day they will do the same and then they can figure out for themselves where they stand. And no matter how they react, I will stand by everything I have said and done, because I have lived and proven it for myself.
In terms of friends- I don’t talk about it. I don’t see them often enough for them to see the kind of effect or impact I am having on myself by applying the tools, so it’s not in their reality. They are all on facebook where I share my process, so I have no idea how much they know or how much attention they give it. There was a time when I was too scared to share any of it online, but I realized that I found it for myself online, so it would be selfish to just keep it for myself and hide my involvement. I realize that the more people that know about this and become involved in it- the better, because it creates an awareness about who you are and how the world is, and it will be a catalyst for change because it’s about taking responsibility, and the responsibility is undeniable. If people call me crazy well, like I said, I don’t really see anybody often enough for it to have a real impact on me, so it doesn’t really matter. And if I share myself unconditionally, people will see the change in me, and it will be undeniable as it is for those around me. But I’m still working on sharing myself unconditionally and making videos etc... because of who I was before I pushed myself to have an open mind. I would have been one of the ones calling ‘witch’ and ‘cult’. Definitely- that was me. So now I fear that in others, but with self-forgiveness, I’ll get over that too.