Little Baby Kimberly

Points have been coming up with regards to living with my parents for the past little while. I was not expecting this, but it's a great opportunity to explore myself through the reactions I have been having.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my parents within an emotional reaction of anger, frustration and annoyance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry with my parents because  I feel they are undermine my independence by trying to ‘parent’ me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my parents in anger because when they act like ‘parents’ to me, I feel they are not seeing that I am a mature, self-responsible adult who is capable of navigating her way through this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself by looking at me and defining/judging myself as ‘a mature and self-responsible girl who is capable of navigating her way through this world.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need my parents to recognize that I am ‘mature and self-responsible’, and that they need to show me they have recognized it by treating me differently than they have been treating me for the last 30 years.

I allow myself to realize how ridiculous these reactions are, but how serious it is that I have allowed them to limit and define me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe/feel that I need my parents validation in the form of them treating me like a grown-up/adult/mature person, in order to accept myself as grown-up/adult/mature/self-responsible.

I accept and allow myself to validate my maturity, self-responsibility, adultness and grown-up-ness by actually living as these things in my daily life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my self-responsibility by thinking/believing/perceiving that if my parents treated me a certain way I would in fact be a different way. Only I can change me, and those around me may never treat me differently no matter how much I change, so I might as well stop waiting (I’m only ever waiting for me).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my self-responsibility with the excuse that I’m waiting for others to validate my change to prove to me that it’s real.

 It’s real.

I allow myself to stop waiting for others to recognize my self-change, I let go of the expectation that others should treat me differently, and I allow myself to simply change me Here, breath by breath, without the need for  any form of validation or recognition whatsoever.

I do not accept or allow myself to rely on others, specifically my parents, to tell me who or what or how I am.

I do not accept or allow myself to fall back into old patterns of the parent-child relationship I was brought up with because they are comfortable and familiar.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define taking self-responsibility as hard and falling into the role of daughter as easy.

I do not accept or allow these patterns, habits and ‘the way people treat me’ to affect who or how I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that my parents/family/environment has limited me. Only I have limited myself within the belief that I am defined by my parents/family/environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within the belief that my parents/family/environment defines me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think or believe that I need to define me in order to know who and how I am, or who and how to be. I direct me to become who I am as Life in every moment and every breath.

I allow myself to walk into the uncertainty of not defining me, and not scripting out who I am/will be within a given situation, I allow myself to walk in self-trust with the tools of self-honesty and self-forgiveness and self-direction in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing anger, frustration and annoyance towards my parents/environment to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and become angry/anger, frustrated/frustration, annoyed/annoyance within and because of my accepted and allowed backchat, and my reactions to it, instead of breathing Here, in awareness and self-direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the backchat of the mind when my parents ‘parent’ me through giving me advice, making sure I have everything I need, checking to see how I’m doing, talking to me like a child, and asking me questions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be or become frustrate by myself because I have accepted and allowed this pattern to constantly and continuously repeat within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as annoyed because of separation as blame to/towards my parents because I believe they are ‘causing me’ to react, when in fact it is me reacting to my own backchat and insecurity as I reflect my self-judgment back to myself through my parents.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself through self-judgment as I look at or see myself through the eyes of my parents, instead of realizing I am only judging myself through my own eyes, and  I am projecting my own beliefs of who I think my parents want me to be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project a thought/idea/belief of ‘who I think my parents want me to be’ onto my parents, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to ‘be that’ to/towards them. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel or react within and as frustration, anger or annoyance because I am not being myself, or because I, in self-judgment, think believe or perceive that I am not ‘that’ which I desire to be, because of my projected belief of what I ‘should be’ as a ‘good daughter’ according to what I think or believe my parents ‘want’ me to be, which is actually my own projection.

I allow myself to let go of these thoughts, ideas and beliefs of what I think I should be as a ‘good daughter’, and I allow myself to just be.

I allow myself to be the self-direction that I need to be in order to not continue the patterns of reactions that are enslaving me and which are abusive to myself and those around me as I react to them.

I allow myself to be the discipline I require myself to be to stop myself from participating in the mind of thoughts, feelings, emotions, reactions and backchat, specifically here with regards to my parents and my interaction with them.

I allow myself to breathe though my reactions to my parents ‘parenting me’, and find the humour within and as this situation, as it is quite ‘typical,’ and any attempt for me to change it is pointless, I can only change me.

When I notice myself going into an emotional reaction of anger, frustration and/or annoyance to/towards my parents I STOP, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within and as humour/laughter, as I laugh in the face of my ego, which is apparently so fragile that my mother can topple it with a glance and my dad can crush it with his presence. I realize that the only way to transcend this point is by stopping my reaction to it, and by realizing that all the validation in the world won’t change who I am, only I can change me through self-direction and self-movement, within self-honesty, in time.

Releasing My Self-Definitions: "young"

One of the things I've found I define myself as is 'young'. I've been the baby of the family, and then later when I started working I happened to be the youngest one there. In time I realized the 'value' of youth, and as my coworkers were aging around me I started valuing my youth more like a possession, and over time it became a part of my self-definition.

Now I am 30, and as youth fades and I start to see the physical changes my ego goes into an internal panic for fear of losing that which I have defined myself as. The panic is supressed within me because I understand it is irrational- this is Life- people age, I am no different. But the 'panic' which involves fear and a sort of 'helplessness' is left there to just kind of fester within. So, through self-forgiveness I can remove my connections to the value I have placed within 'youth'- the word itself and the ideas, perceptions, definitions and beliefs I have attached to it, and instead value myself as who I am as Life, as character, as determination, as self-acceptance and as will.


Young:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young to smooth skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within smooth skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the smooth beautiful skin by defining the word young with in beautiful skin in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word fresh.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word fresh.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word fresh by defining the word young within the word fresh in separation of myself,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word innocent.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word innocent .

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word innocent by defining the word young within the word innocent in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word jealousy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word jealousy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word jealousy by defining the word young within the word jealousy in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word power.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word power by defining the word young within the word power in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word naive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word naive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word naive by defining the word young within the word naive in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word naive with the word envy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word naive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word naive by defining the word young within the word naive in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young to the word pure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word pure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word pure by defining the word young within the word pure in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word lost.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word lost.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word lost by defining the word young within the word lost in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young to the word lucky.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word lucky.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young, and from the word lucky, by defining the word young within the word lucky in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the words school girl.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word schoolgirl.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word schoolgirl by defining the word young within the word schoolgirl in separation of myself.

Dictionary Definition:

Being in an early period of life, development, or growth.
Newly begun or formed; not advanced: The evening is still young.
Of, belonging to, or suggestive of youth or early life: He is young for his age.
Vigorous or fresh; youthful.

Lacking experience; immature: a young hand at plowing.
Being the junior of two people having the same name.
Geology. Being of an early stage in a geologic cycle. Used of bodies of water and land formations.

Sounds Like:

YOU’ll Never Grow

Remaining young is to be without personal growth or expansion. To enjoy youth to its utmost while at the same time growing, expanding and maturing as Who One Is as Life. To not remain in the naiveté and ignorance of youth, but to face the world as Who One Is in complete awareness of why one is. To enjoy youth, but to still remain on track within self-direction and self-responsibility within and as the untangling the mind that one began to tangle in youth.

SF On Young:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as young.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge being young as the best and being old as the worst.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that those who are young are better than those who are old.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself within judgment, as better than those who are older than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am luckier than those who are older than me, and then to participate within and energetic charge of positive feeling energy
because of feeling ‘luckier’ and ‘better than’ those who are older than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want need and desire to use my youth to seduce older men.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire to manipulate and abuse myself and older men by playing on systems which exist by attempting to seduce, manipulate and abuse older men, and in turn seducing, abusing and manipulating myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seduce, abuse and manipulate myself and older men through my beliefs and back-chat play-outs in physical reality.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave myself within the belief that I only have power if I can seduce men, particularly older and men who I define as more powerful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to seduce older men in order to survive in the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to manipulate others, particularly older men, in order to survive in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get high off of having the ability to
manipulate older men to want and desire me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel worthless and old if I can’t manipulate men.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear men seeing me as old and worthless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear older men seeing me as old and instead desiring younger women than myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe when I grow old I will lose my power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe power lies in my ability to seduce.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ‘good’ about myself within polarity instead of simply being myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the polarities of youth/age, worth/worthlessness, beauty/ugly, power/powerless, good/bad, desirable/undesirable, and desired/undesired.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself within trying to feel a certain way about me and who I am, that ‘way’ being powerful, superior and dominant manipulator, which is not what’s best for all in any way, it is only what I perceive as best for me, but it’s not even best for me, it is best for the mind as absolute enslavement and separation of self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave and separate myself as the mind within the idea of youth and superiority instead of realizing and doing what’s best for all, which is, at the moment, realizing oneness and equality within and without.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that men should be like putty in my hands.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire to be able to manipulate another human being instead of wanting, needing and desiring them to realize themselves as Life, equal and one.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need or desire to be a vixen and a muse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea of a vixen or a muse to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that a vixen or a muse is complete enslavement and is totally fucked up, it is not life and not who or what anybody should be or want to be as a powerless slave.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire to be a vixen and a muse because I have not realized my self-importance and self-worth, and instead I seek it from others.

I allow myself to realize my self-importance and self-worth, and to realize that I am the most important instrument that I have the power to move, and the most worth that I can imagine, as does everybody else.

I allow myself to assist and support others unconditionally as life, to, without fear, assist and support them to realize who they are as life as I assist and support myself to , without fear, do the same.

I allow myself to realize, and to do, what’s best for all, which is, at the moment, to realize my equality and oneness within and without.

I allow myself to fearlessly realize my equality and oneness and to live it into my actions, words thoughts.

I do not allow participation in the mind as the pursuit of positive energetic charges of feeling powerful, dominant, superior and in control as enslavement, and I instead allow myself to exist within understanding and self-direction as life.

I do not accept or allow myself to participate in the sex game as it diminishes me as who I am, and I do not allow diminishing behaviours within me as Who I Am.