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Sunday, June 5, 2011

How My Relationships Have Changed Since Desteni:

                In walking my process there has been one major theme for me in particular: calm, stable, steady application. I never realized how reactive I used to be to other people. I had labelled myself as a laid-back girl who just goes with the flow. But in reality, I was suppressing myself. I was socially anxious and I felt like very few people knew who I really was because I had a hard time opening up and fully participating in social situations. As with any suppression, tension builds up, and come an argument or a moment where I felt defensive or hurt, I would feel it all come back. I would not explode, no, I would become quiet. It was like everything I had been holding in would come back all at once. I would become so inundated with emotions that I would not be able to think straight, I couldn’t put it in to words what I was feeling. I couldn’t express myself properly so I would end up either not speaking, or saying things I didn’t really mean (sometimes even hurting others because I was feeling hurt).
                Not being able to express oneself is an extremely frustrating experience. So now add frustration to the hurt and anger and whatever other emotions are brewing, and I was rendered senseless; unable to make sense of what was going on in my mind. Try to effectively communicate in that state! I couldn’t, and the result was more tension, more anxiety and more stress. As I have learned through my investigations of the Desteni material, these types of feelings don’t always just go away, they can be like an addiction and grow, feed, fester, or look for outlets (which is why at Desteni we also investigate ‘crimes of passion’ and bizarre outburst in seemingly ‘normal’ unemotional people. These are of course extreme cases, but it demonstrates the power and control emotions can have over a person, where they can act out and even harm others. Society puts labels on them, naming new and increasing psychological diseases, as if this is an acceptable part of ‘human nature’ that we have no control over. Incidentally, pharmaceutical companies make billions off of treating the masses with chemical drugs that are not properly understood and tested, feeding them to our children as if this problem has no other solution).
Anyways, back to me, myself, the self that I am discovering and the power I am giving back myself through the process that is all about the self:  I guess I would have fallen under the ‘introvert’ category before Desteni. I took things in to me, I kept them in and I presented everything as ‘fine.’ Sometimes it was fine, but ever since I learned how to deal with these things I don’t want to ever feel that way again, (obviously), I don’t have to feel that way again, it’s up to me. It’s ‘hard’ work, so to speak. But when I reason with myself, I see that it’s actually more difficult to live in a constant state of suppression, going through the anxiety and tension everyday has an impact on the body. It’s very tiresome and makes everything else feel more difficult, like work, chores and responsibilities, and it is usually accompanied by some degree of insomnia, it’s like a vicious circle. So when I say using the Desteni tools is ‘hard’ work, that means it requires discipline and daily application... but when you start to free yourself from the mental grind that I just described, it feels like weights being lifted. I feel lighter and more in control of my time and my life. I feel like I have more time, even though the process involves a slowing down of sorts. It teaches me how to achieve the discipline I need, and the ability to move myself without the need for energetic motivation.  It really helps me appreciate the present moment when I’m spending time with others in my world. I can participate with them unconditionally, and stand as their equal, no matter what our differences are.
                When I say I ‘deal with’ internal emotions (including the thoughts and feelings that go with them) I mean first be able to acknowledge them (for example, being ‘hurt’), then be able to recognize them (it’s cyclical so it comes back again and again, with practice I can see them coming), forgiving myself for basically putting myself through the experience, and then directing myself. This is the part I’m at now in some areas, and it’s very cool. Aside from directing myself to remain stable through what would normally been emotional turmoil (thus reaching peaceful resolutions instead of slamming doors and yelling), I also experience less of such conflict in my life, the two go hand in hand. It’s also better for both people involved because when one stays calm, the other is more likely to stay calm as well. Soon I will be able to stop the emotions before they start, but this is a process and it takes time.
So at this point, when I understand a conflict happens in my life, I can direct myself in such a way to ‘walk through’ it, instead of reacting to it. I can slowly apply the Desteni tools to recognize and transcend the trigger points, which circumvent the entire pointless conflict in the first place. The result of this is not only experiencing more peace and stability within myself, but also understanding myself and others more. I can stop wasting my time with judging myself and others, or even situations, and instead take my time to understand them, see how they function and adapt myself accordingly. The cool thing with understanding is that once you understand something, it’s done, but when you judge something, you can react to it endlessly, forever. Judgment can also build momentum over time, and lead to things like anger and hate. Desteni teaches me to understand and not judge. Ever.
The people who have made the decision to commit to this process understand that we cannot just make claims that this works and expect people to believe us, we live in a world of deception right now. That is why we blog and vlog. We document our personal processes publicly, under our real names so that others can see we are real people. We reveal our innermost selves and discover that we are all the same. We all have the same shit going on inside of us, it is just individualized to our personal experiences. Making the decision to take the Desteni I Process is a lifetime decision, but when you realize how you can actually change yourself and release yourself from the inner turmoil and conflict, you realize that together we can change the world. We are after all, all in this together. But the first step is always to start with yourself, that is the only way it can happen, because we cannot direct others except by our example: by being a living statement of what is possible.
The Desteni I Process (Desteniiprocess.com) costs money, it has to, because any movement in this world needs to be paid for, that is our current reality. But the cool thing is that once you learn the tools you can support others to do the same, and eventually make quite a comfortable income from it. We have to be financially stable to make a difference, in the world and our own lives. If you don’t have money in this world, you don’t have a voice. However, if you don’t have money, you can still be a part of this process through sponsorship. By sharing yourself unconditionally, by using the free material on the Desteni site you will be unconditionally supported on the free forums,and when you demonstrated that you are serious and understand what it means to be self-honest, you'll get an anonymous sponsor! This is how Desteni functions: to support each person who makes this decision, no matter what. We will do everything we can, within the limitations of this reality, to support each person to stand up as life, for life, to honour life.
So there is no  reason not to join the I process, to make the commitment to yourself. The idea is ‘give and you will receive,’ meaning, share yourself and your personal empowerment with the world, publicly, and receive financial support. We cannot do this alone; we need to be a group. Change can happen when it is an organized group supporting each other to self-realize. We are self-organized and we are fully committed to ourselves and thus to the good of all, and we are patiently waiting for others to realize that they too can be a part of the group that will change the world. All are welcome.

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