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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

My breakup with alcohol- update

So, I'm still going strong with this point, which has really become a 'non-point' which I'm sure many have experienced. But an interesting realization came up as I keep experiencing reactions from others wherein they are having trouble accepting that I have made this decision and stuck by it.
I found out that others think that I will not be able to have fun with them anymore, and I definitely had this thought/fear when I first contemplated stopping drinking and smoking pot. I thought that the feeling of just 'letting loose' and escaping reality, would be something I would really miss. However, the individual who was expressing this concern, was looking forward into the summer, where he probably had an idea of what it was going to be like, and now that I don't drink I have taken that expectation away, thus leaving him disappointed.
Also, he was perceiving my experience to be exactly what I had feared: no fun, no letting loose and no escaping. But I what I have experienced in quitting my addictions is that it is not that way at all. In fact, after a short period of adjustment, I'd say I feel the exact same way. I still have fun, I still let loose, but it's different because I can't escape the stress and anxiety through substance anymore. So now, when it builds up within me, I can only remove it with writing it out and doing self-forgiveness, and then walking the correction. It takes a little longer than drinking or smoking my troubles away, but at least I know that I have dealt with the issues and they will not return day after day like they used to.
In releasing points which cause stress and anxiety in my life I make way to dig deeper, and that's really cool because the eventual change is visible, and I am not escaping anymore, but rather I am facing myself in what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, which is not pretty. But it's like actual progress versus stagnation.
Back to my point: the way we perceive an experience and try to predict what it 'might be like' could stop us from changing ourselves, only to discover the perception was totally off. Looking through the eyes of the mind has never gotten me anywhere. I have to wonder now, how many times have I stopped myself from 'moving forward' so to speak, because of projected perceptions which were total fabrications of my mind.
The mind is sneaky and convincing, but as we all discover more clearly the paths we are choosing to walk, the 'choice' becomes more obvious. Meaning, whether we choose to pursue the endless mind games that have been directing us thus far, or whether we choose to live by principle, becomes more clear in every moment.
I choose to LIVE! In actuality, and not be directed by the theater in my head.

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