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Friday, February 18, 2011

Self-Forgivenss on presence

"...when I'm not present, here as awareness, I find I will run my fingertips over my skin and if something is not smooth or consistent I feel the incredible need to 'pick' it off my skin, as if it doesn't belong there."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to slip in to moments of complete mind possession, to the point where I am not even aware of my own body's movements.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to escape facing my current reality by allowing myself to drift completely into the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that I can hide from myself within my mind, and not have to experience "feeling bad".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe 'feeling bad' is something that needs to be avoided and not breathed through and faced in the moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can avoid myself and what I experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take self-responsibility in the moment, and breathe through the moment, and instead escape to my mind, allowing the moment to compound, thus creating a bigger issue.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to 'soothe' myself by running my fingers over my skin, believing it calms me down and relieves me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that I cannot soothe or calm myself- in being stable and present, facing whatever each moment brings, knowing and trusting myself to remain present and take responsibility for my experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe any experience is too big for me to get through because with self-forgiveness, I can get through anything.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that my skin should be a certain way, as in smooth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to believe that my skin is not healthy, or that something is wrong with it if there is an nonuniform texture.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge a texture on my skin as bad, and smooth skin as good. Skin is skin, it is living and ever-changing. It is constantly taking care of itself and doing exactly what it needs to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe my skin can't take care of itself, and for trying to better my skin by picking off anything I feel is wrong with it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my skin because of a belief I have formed in CONvincing myself I am helping it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe my skin can or should be better than it is, or that something can be wrong with it. My skin is just dealing with its daily experience in the most effective way possible, as I should be doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to escape taking responsibility for dealing with my daily reality, and instead taking it out on my skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for my skin, and for what I've done to it. What's done is done, I am forgiven, now I stop. I stop abusing myself and my skin, who is here as me, supporting me unconditionally in every moment. I, in turn, support myself.

I forgive myself for separating myself from my skin, judging it as something apart from me that is not as good as me or as I feel it should be. In this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my skin, which only works 100% of the time to sustain and protect my body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to compare my skin to that of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my skin to the skin I see in magazines, which is not real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly worry about the state of my health, judging that state based on the appearance of my skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to constantly worry about the state of my skin, believing that I am less-than if I do not have perfect skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view my skin as less than I am, conversely, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view myself as better than my skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be proud of my skin when I judge it as better than others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have perfect beautiful skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe there is some standard of perfect beautiful skin. I realize in this moment that there is no such standard and that I will never feel I have achieved the perfect skin, and that unless I stop, I will continue to abuse myself and my skin through trying to attain a goal that will always be out of reach, because it only exists in my mind, and if I were to attain it, I would no longer have ocd, and I would lose that escape that I have become so dependant on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I should have perfect beautiful skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my skin aging.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have less worth if I have old-looking skin.

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