Stopping My Reaction to Disagreement - Learning to Live as an Equal

I want to write out the point that caused me to react when an individual responded to my blog.

I felt scared, fear, why?

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear-based reaction when I saw that someone had responded a long response to my blog.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear a being’s reaction to my blog because it all of a sudden made it ‘real’, as in, something I had to stand by.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear standing by my words as an act of self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility for myself in every moment/every way.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to write a blog and post it without first checking to see if I can stand by each word and statement within it. And, if I did check, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within self-doubt, wherein I allowed myself to doubt my words, my principles and my understanding of the system. I stand within and as self-responsibility within knowing that if I am ever wrong I will stand corrected, because my goal is not to be right, it is to understand, to become equal and one to the reality that is here within that understanding, and that will involve learning things for the first time, which inevitably means I will be wrong about things.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear being wrong about things, instead of realizing that I am in a learning process.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to learn within and as and according to myself as ego, instead of realizing that only myself as ego gets hurt and bruised, and within that I ‘get in the way’ of learning as one and equal to the information that is here.

Within this statement I see a belief or perception of myself as ‘already knowing’, or even superiority, because if I fear being ‘knocked down’ it means I hold the idea, perception or belief that I am ‘up’ ‘above’, because only then can I believe I am able to be knocked down.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am diminished if I am wrong.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe I can be diminished/diminish myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear being wrong for fear of losing my credibility.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a personality that requires credibility to exist, when in fact I am Here, unquestionably existing. Only something that is not real, such as a created personality, requires being credible/believed by others. If I feel the need to convince others into believing something about me/of me, then that is deception indicating I am not already living it into reality/myself as the living application.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live myself out as personalities that are not real and require me to act in ways that I perceive are ‘credible’ to others outside of me, instead of making myself real through the directed living application of the principles I stand by.

In this way, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use deception to create and feed the personalities I live within and as.

I allow myself to let go of these created personality manifestations and to instead live Here, real, physical.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe I am ‘already knowing’, thus separating myself within and as knowledge and information which I believe myself to possess.

I realize that I only truly ‘know’ that which I have understood and lived into application through my action/living application in the physical.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive myself to be superior because of knowledge that I have collected and gathered as if it were a possession.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by my possession of knowledge, within which I believe myself to be superior to another, instead of realizing that nobody is above anybody else, we are one group, and we are all equal in the physical.

I allow myself to be the humility required to exist one and equal to what’s Here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that knowledge and information is something tangible that I can possess to make me more than I am.

I realize that in holding the belief that ‘I can be more’ necessarily implies that I believe myself to be less -than.

I allow myself to be what I am, Here in the physical, and to let go of the energetic desire to be more than what I am, and to let go of the energetic belief that I am less than what I am. What I am is a physical being, Here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that being a physical being Here is limited, because of the experience of the unlimited indulgence of the mind.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that the mind of thoughts, feeling and emotions is unlimited.

I realize that the mind limits me in physical reality, because within its limitlessness I get lost, and I avoid facing me Here, and I also use it to avoid facing reality. It is only an illusion which I make real by believing, while actual reality passes by in each breath.

Back to the main point:

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be/become intimidated by the reply to my blog because it was written intelligently/intellectually/elitist/academically and it made me feel inferior.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am not able to understand things that are written is a certain specific way that I judge them as ‘too confusing’ or ‘too intelligent’ for me to understand.

I realize that with time and patience I am able to understand even very complex concepts.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be/become intimidated by intellectuals because I feel inferior to them.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself separate myself by defining some as intellectual and others as not intellectual, and I’ve placed value judgments on each.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity of intellectual/un-intellectual, thus creating friction and energy within me as I bounce back and forth within fear, desire and judgment/self-judgment.

I realize we are all simply Here, we understand what we can, we do as much as we practically can with what we are given/born with. Within this limitation we are equal, we are equally limited by the physical.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear people attacking or disagreeing with me, within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict in my world.

I do not accept or allow myself to take criticism, disagreement or ‘attacks’ personally.

I allow myself to understand that it is not about me, only that which I react to is about me and the acceptances and allowances I have not faced, that which others react to is about them.

I do not accept or allow myself to judge others that do not agree with me.

I do not accept or allow myself to think, believe or perceive myself to be superior to any being ever.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe or perceive myself to be inferior to any being ever.

When I am disagreed with or confronted I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the understanding that reacting to the ‘conflict’ is in fact creating it, and I instead allow myself to be one and equal to the conflict within not resisting it, and by listening to and understanding both sides, and looking for practical solutions that are best for all. Within this, conflict can be diffused. Where conflict cannot be diffused, I simply do not participate.

How I Was Able To Hear the Desteni Message

                I’m actually very surprised that I was able to hear the Desteni message with such an immediate acceptance and understanding. I am surprised because before Desteni, not only did I have no beliefs in any form of religion, spirituality or supernatural phenomena, but I thought those who did were crazy. I felt most things could be pretty well explained in a reasonable and logical way, and those things that couldn’t were too few to count and were just freak occurrences or anomalies.

                But these freak occurrences and anomalies intrigued me, because if reality was the way I believed it to be- then they shouldn’t occur at all. So a part of me remained open to the possible existence of something more, and my intrigue led me to investigate the unexplainable, because it was messing with my worldview.

                I tried really hard to believe in something spiritual, something occult, or ‘something more,’ but every attempt I made just proved to me that it was all a sham. A couple experiences I can remember are playing Ouija with some friends. I just knew one of them was pushing the little thingie to spell out the name of another of mine friend whose father had just passed away. That friend was convinced that it was real and she got really scared. Another time a friend of mine convinced me to go to a psychic because he had gone and had been convinced that she was reading his present and future situation. He even told me that she said stuff about me, so I went. I didn’t tell the psychic that my friend had just gone the day before and the she had told him things about me and our future together. She read my palm and told me an entirely different story, and nothing was accurate and I left feeling mostly just ripped off. Experiences such as these showed me how easily people can develop beliefs and be misled by others, so I developed a skepticism about such things.

                In terms of religion- I went to church when I was younger, but at that age I was very shy. I was picked on at school and I had very bad experiences with teachers. I found my place with animals and in nature- things which, to me, were real and filled with what I experienced as ‘love,’ acceptance, understanding, ‘joy,’ fun, excitement- everything worth living for. I found the human world devoid of these things and actually rather hostile. I found the teachings of Jesus and god’s supposed creation in nature and the animals and not in people, but at church these things were not given any significance or any attention whatsoever. Also, religion was so boring- how could it be the explanation of existence- which is full of wonder and mystery?

                This is of course from a child’s perspective. But later on I saw movies about brutal missionaries, I learned about what the catholics did to the aboriginal people in my own country, and I learned about wars in the name of religion. To me it was just more people believing in something that’s not real, and people just being really mean and shitty towards each other, just like people were mean and shitty towards me. But I didn’t experience anger and hate towards these people like god apparently did when he would send them to hell. No one deserves that. So I just couldn’t possibly relate to any of it, and nothing made sense.

                I was never actually exposed to any spirituality. I met self-proclaimed spiritual people along the way, they always seemed happy. Too happy. My experience of the world was confusing and scary, yet they seemed to have it all figured out, and in a way that didn’t include me. They were in their own little bubbles. Again- I felt they were believing in something by choice, and not because it was real, just as I had seen good friends of mine do, such as with the Ouija board and the psychic.

                I first started noticing something was wrong when I began observing the general disregard for animals and nature. When my family got our first dog we had to choose one from the hundreds of dogs at the shelter who were crying for help. I didn’t understand how or why people allowed this to be this way. I was just a child, and I thought ‘grown ups’ were supposed to know how to fix problems, and here was a huge and horrible problem, but everybody acted like it was normal.

                With regards to nature- I lived in a city, but my dad had built a cottage on a lake. It was like a dream come true for me to go there and spend time in the woods- mostly alone, but also with friends and family. I just loved exploring and discovering new animals like frogs and salamanders, and sometimes there would be animal tracks or carcasses and I could get a close up look at them. I couldn’t understand how any person would design a city such as the one I lived in, without leaving any room for nature. And why people would spend all day in these big boring buildings with nothing to explore or discover. There were hardly any animals, and the ones that were around were hungry and scared. I’d see them dead on the side of the road along with the garbage; I’d see animals with mange, and no one to help them. At a young age I had travelled to Cuba and Belize with my family. I saw kids younger than me begging in the streets, and homeless starving dogs everywhere. When I got home I saw that the community I lived in was nice, but what about everything else I had become aware of? Where was god? Where was purpose?

                This was all before I became old enough to begin to see that I was actually living in the most privileged part of the world, and I began learning about poverty, factory farms, the leather industry, deforestation, water pollution, drag-net fishing- all of it just the tip of this never ending iceberg of horror. So this feeling of ‘what the fuck is going on here’ just amplified. But I grew older and started becoming distracted by a social life and boys and I began drinking and experimenting with drugs. I started changing who I was so that I would be accepted into social groups and I started trying to forget about the bad stuff in the world. But within this I became very unhappy and full of stress and anxiety.

 I got married and moved from Canada to Vermont in the U.S. My husband and I lived in a poor area where people were on welfare. I had come from a middle class family and now I lived next to poverty and I began to see how close it was to home. My husband worked in government housing and he would tell me about the corruption he saw within the system. We were really broke during my process of immigration and I felt very disempowered and loaded with money stresses. That’s when I began to look for an answer. I decided “this is it: I am open to anything. I am young, able-bodied, and ready to do something.”

I enrolled in the local community college and started taking classes in all subjects I thought could provide a solution. But everywhere I turned all I found was dysfunction. In environmental science I saw only partial solutions, leaving out huge problems. I saw green-solutions that were plagued with pathologies: ‘green’ companies unable to compete with polluting and destructive corporations, local farming and farmers markets selling good healthy organic food that neither I nor any of my neighbors could afford, and an alternative energy sector that was a patchwork of under-funding and unaffordable technology.

 In psychology I found no cures, pharmaceutical companies on a rampage, and no jobs for a girl like me who could only afford a BA at a community college. I saw kids from rich families going to the big universities in my neighborhood- $40 000 a year for the program I would have chosen to attend at the University of Vermont. How could I expect to compete with that? On top of that, I found dysfunction within myself as well. As I tried to develop a social life I realized that I was unable to relate to those around me, and I was also uncomfortable with who I had become as a personality and I had social anxiety.

                When I got my green card I gave up on school and began to look for a solution in my working life. I worked at a ‘green’ restaurant and at a senior’s residence with the idea that I could become a nurse and at least help some people- maybe get some skills that would further me somehow. But all I got was minimum wage, and my husband and I worked full-time just to keep our heads above water. Rent was expensive, we had some debt, our car was breaking down, bills kept getting higher but our pay stayed the same. We were slaves to the system.

                Our big break came when Toyota had a recall on the Tacoma model truck, which we owned- they had faulty frames that collected salt from the roads which would rust them right through. Trucks began snapping in half mid-drive, sometimes cutting the break lines. We got 150% of the Kelly Blue Book value for our truck that was barely running. We would have had to pay someone to take it off our hands, but instead we got 9000$ for it. We got a new car and we got the hell out of Vermont. We moved to Maine and that’s where I discovered Desteni three years ago.

                I can’t remember the first video I saw, but I remember it spoke to the fact that I, as an individual, had the power to change, not only myself- but the world. I learned that I would have to work within a group and deal with my own dysfunction  to do so. I watched videos and I read the writings of people who were applying self-forgiveness. They were using this tool along with some others to change themselves and overcome things like social anxiety and depression. When I read their writing it was like I had written it myself, their problems and issues were just like mine, but they were overcoming them! They weren’t asking me for money, and they weren’t asking me to believe in something religious or spiritual, they weren’t asking me to believe anything. They were presenting me with a way to empower myself and actually stand up and voice myself, and to speak about the problems I had been observing my whole life.

                Desteni explained everything: about how greed and self-interest cause the problems we see today, about how money controls everything, about how humans distract themselves with religion, spirituality and other beliefs so as not to have to face themselves and the world. How the mind creates habits and patterns that trap us and bring us down to that point of giving up. How Life is actually Here with us, but we are too busy in our minds to see it or even realize it within ourselves. But Desteni didn’t only point out the problems- the problems are blatantly obvious once you just open your eyes. What is different about Desteni is that it offers tools anyone can use to take back control of our lives, to take the wheel and direct our world to where we want it to be. So that’s what I did.

                I began writing self-forgiveness, investigating the material like crazy, and after a year I finally built up the courage to participate on the forums. I got support there from those who had been applying the tools already. I received support that I could actually apply in my Life. I did the work, I created space within me, I got better at moving myself instead of losing myself in my mind of anxiety, fear, stress and insecurity, and I got real. I got my driver’s license which gave me more independence, I began taking responsibility for myself within my relationships. I shaved my head, I started making some videos and writing and becoming ‘visible’ and public with my process and I am still working at that.

                The biggest challenged I faced has been going back to school. Desteni taught me to fearlessly utilize whatever resources I had available to further myself and become more stable and effective within the system instead of just being a slave. So I applied for a university back in my home town where the school is cheaper but has a better reputation. It’s cheaper because it’s back in Canada, so I moved back. Now my husband and I live far apart while I get my degree in politics. I’m doing very well at school and I’m working my ass off for it. I’m still very new in my process and I’m pushing myself more than I ever thought possible. I’ve become so comfortable speaking up that I have to now keep my mouth shut in class sometimes because I talk too much! I am at complete ease in social situations and I actually look forward to seeing old friends, hanging out with my husband’s friends and meeting new people. I stopped drinking and smoking pot about a year ago, and I’m much better at staying on top of keeping my shit together so to speak- in terms of money, responsibilities and just staying calm about everything and directing myself instead of reacting to things.

                I’ve definitely got a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG way to go, I have a LOT of things on my list to change about myself: I still have anxiety and stress, it just doesn’t stop me anymore. I’m working on that stuff still, and there’s room for improvement, in fact, ‘that’s the biggest room there is’. But I no more feel as if the world is just a confusing mess with no solution. I have been spending my whole Life trying to work towards a solution and an understanding and only ever hitting dead ends. Desteni has taught me that walls are made to walk through, so that’s what I’m going to do while I continue to work towards a solution: the Equal Money System. Only the path towards this solution is one of self-realization, self-expansion and self-empowerment, so I’m actually getting back so much more than I am giving to help realize this new economic system. I’d like to change that to an equation of equality, by further empowering myself to be able to do more for the Equal Money Solution, because why would I do anything else?

Facing Resistances Within Self-Movement

Jan 18^th 2012

Today I felt very frustrated in the morning. The thoughts that were coming up connected to the frustration were that

1)      I never have enough time to do anything

2)      I’m always in a rush

3)      I’m so busy I wish I could just have a break and relax

4)      It’s just too much, I just can’t handle it.

The first two thoughts definitely go together, and are a result of the fact that I’m still working on self-movement. I have extreme physical reactions to moving myself, it’s like, these great resistances and there’s anxiety in there because I become overwhelmed, I have been getting overwhelmed more easily recently and as I write this the thought came up that last semester ‘did me in’, and ‘I never really got a break’, it’s just been go go go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I never have time to do anything, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I’m always in a rush.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought I never have time to do anything to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought that I’m always in a rush to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the emotional energetic charge of ‘hurried’ stress and anxiety to the thoughts that I never have enough time to do anything and I’m always in a rush, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become influenced by the ‘hurried’ stress and anxiety energy by participating within and as it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the mind by reacting within emotional energetic experiences to thoughts, thus allowing the thoughts to influence and have control over me instead of me directing myself Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my thoughts instead of remaining present and aware, in breathe, wherein I realize that I am the directive principle and  will push me to move myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust me, that I will move me. I will move me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the resistances I feel when I move me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe those resistances are ‘real’, or that they are indicating that something is ‘wrong’ and I shouldn’t be doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that something, such as self-movement, ‘should’ feel ‘good’ or ‘right’, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I need pleasant emotional experiences to be able to move myself.

I see/realize/understand that self-movement is not moving me with energy, which is what I’m used to. There is no force or motivation other than me and sheer will. I understand I have become addicted to and dependant on energy to move me throughout my day, and as I move myself instead as the directive principle of me it will be different.

I do not accept or allow myself to be addicted to or dependant on energy to move me through my day.

I do not accept or allow myself to become discouraged because I have defined self-movement as ‘hard,’ ‘tough’ or ‘difficult’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self-movement as ‘hard’, ‘tough,’ and ‘difficult’ because it is new to me and I am not used to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy, and to believe laziness is ‘nice’ ‘comfortable’ and ‘easy’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing myself by being lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-responsibility to laziness, by being lazy and stubborn and unwilling to budge from comfortable habits.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that comfort is ‘good’ and should be sought out, at least not this kind of comfort- which is the stagnant kind that I use to not face me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use comfort to avoid facing me.

I allow myself to face myself within facing these resistances I’m having towards self-movement.

I allow myself to become one with these resistances so that I can change myself as them.

I allow myself to be the strength, determination, commitment, assertiveness, patience and will to walk through these resistances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive these resistances are bigger than me.

I see/realize and understand that I created these resistances and I am completely capable, able and willing to take responsibility for them, and walk them until I am changed as them, until I move me here while nothing moves inside me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the energetic experience of frustrated instead of breathing Here.

I realize that when I am present I get more done effectively and when I am frustrated I make more mistakes and do things improperly or forget details, which just adds to/feeds the feeling of frustration wherein it’s almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the energetic experience of ‘frustration’ to the thought ‘I never have enough time to do anything’ and ‘I am always rushed.’

I allow myself to be and become ‘enough time;’ by being Here, in the moment, and I allow myself be presence and awareness of breath as I walk through the resistances I face as I face me and the totality of what I have created through my acceptances and allowances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the energetic experience of frustration and then look for ways to feed it, small things that I can manipulate into ‘frustrating’ which normally would not be so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself by turning small things into ‘frustration; in order to feed and confirm my energetic experience, thus confirming to me as my mind that these experiences are real, or that they are valid, when in fact they are merely taking me away from now operating wholly.]

I do not allow myself to be fooled by the mind and by the self-manipulation techniques I use to feed my energetic experiences of myself.

I do not allow myself to manipulate me.

I allow myself the strength, self-will and self-determination as well as patience and commitment to ‘call myself out’, breathe, and bring myself back here when I feel/realize that I ‘m participating within an energetic experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I need a break to relax instead of realizing that this type of ‘break’ is a backdoor to cave in to resistances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed backdoors to continue to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the mind-polarity of work/break, I am fully aware of when I am using a break as an escape, a chance to be lazy instead of facing myself.

I realize that taking a break after I have worked hard and ‘given it my all’ is understandable, and it is a time that I can rest with the physical, but otherwise I am using it as an excuse to avoid walking my resistances.

I allow myself to be the strength, discipline and self-will required to stop myself when I believe I need a break, to breathe and to push myself through, so that I can see what will happen as I move me.

Releasing My Self-Definitions: "young"

One of the things I've found I define myself as is 'young'. I've been the baby of the family, and then later when I started working I happened to be the youngest one there. In time I realized the 'value' of youth, and as my coworkers were aging around me I started valuing my youth more like a possession, and over time it became a part of my self-definition.

Now I am 30, and as youth fades and I start to see the physical changes my ego goes into an internal panic for fear of losing that which I have defined myself as. The panic is supressed within me because I understand it is irrational- this is Life- people age, I am no different. But the 'panic' which involves fear and a sort of 'helplessness' is left there to just kind of fester within. So, through self-forgiveness I can remove my connections to the value I have placed within 'youth'- the word itself and the ideas, perceptions, definitions and beliefs I have attached to it, and instead value myself as who I am as Life, as character, as determination, as self-acceptance and as will.


Young:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young to smooth skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within smooth skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the smooth beautiful skin by defining the word young with in beautiful skin in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word fresh.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word fresh.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word fresh by defining the word young within the word fresh in separation of myself,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word innocent.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word innocent .

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word innocent by defining the word young within the word innocent in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word jealousy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word jealousy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word jealousy by defining the word young within the word jealousy in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word power.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word power by defining the word young within the word power in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word naive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word naive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word naive by defining the word young within the word naive in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word naive with the word envy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word naive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word naive by defining the word young within the word naive in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young to the word pure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word pure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word pure by defining the word young within the word pure in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word lost.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word lost.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word lost by defining the word young within the word lost in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young to the word lucky.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word lucky.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young, and from the word lucky, by defining the word young within the word lucky in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the words school girl.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word schoolgirl.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word schoolgirl by defining the word young within the word schoolgirl in separation of myself.

Dictionary Definition:

Being in an early period of life, development, or growth.
Newly begun or formed; not advanced: The evening is still young.
Of, belonging to, or suggestive of youth or early life: He is young for his age.
Vigorous or fresh; youthful.

Lacking experience; immature: a young hand at plowing.
Being the junior of two people having the same name.
Geology. Being of an early stage in a geologic cycle. Used of bodies of water and land formations.

Sounds Like:

YOU’ll Never Grow

Remaining young is to be without personal growth or expansion. To enjoy youth to its utmost while at the same time growing, expanding and maturing as Who One Is as Life. To not remain in the naiveté and ignorance of youth, but to face the world as Who One Is in complete awareness of why one is. To enjoy youth, but to still remain on track within self-direction and self-responsibility within and as the untangling the mind that one began to tangle in youth.

SF On Young:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as young.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge being young as the best and being old as the worst.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that those who are young are better than those who are old.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself within judgment, as better than those who are older than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am luckier than those who are older than me, and then to participate within and energetic charge of positive feeling energy
because of feeling ‘luckier’ and ‘better than’ those who are older than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want need and desire to use my youth to seduce older men.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire to manipulate and abuse myself and older men by playing on systems which exist by attempting to seduce, manipulate and abuse older men, and in turn seducing, abusing and manipulating myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seduce, abuse and manipulate myself and older men through my beliefs and back-chat play-outs in physical reality.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave myself within the belief that I only have power if I can seduce men, particularly older and men who I define as more powerful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to seduce older men in order to survive in the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to manipulate others, particularly older men, in order to survive in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get high off of having the ability to
manipulate older men to want and desire me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel worthless and old if I can’t manipulate men.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear men seeing me as old and worthless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear older men seeing me as old and instead desiring younger women than myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe when I grow old I will lose my power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe power lies in my ability to seduce.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ‘good’ about myself within polarity instead of simply being myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the polarities of youth/age, worth/worthlessness, beauty/ugly, power/powerless, good/bad, desirable/undesirable, and desired/undesired.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself within trying to feel a certain way about me and who I am, that ‘way’ being powerful, superior and dominant manipulator, which is not what’s best for all in any way, it is only what I perceive as best for me, but it’s not even best for me, it is best for the mind as absolute enslavement and separation of self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave and separate myself as the mind within the idea of youth and superiority instead of realizing and doing what’s best for all, which is, at the moment, realizing oneness and equality within and without.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that men should be like putty in my hands.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire to be able to manipulate another human being instead of wanting, needing and desiring them to realize themselves as Life, equal and one.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need or desire to be a vixen and a muse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea of a vixen or a muse to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that a vixen or a muse is complete enslavement and is totally fucked up, it is not life and not who or what anybody should be or want to be as a powerless slave.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire to be a vixen and a muse because I have not realized my self-importance and self-worth, and instead I seek it from others.

I allow myself to realize my self-importance and self-worth, and to realize that I am the most important instrument that I have the power to move, and the most worth that I can imagine, as does everybody else.

I allow myself to assist and support others unconditionally as life, to, without fear, assist and support them to realize who they are as life as I assist and support myself to , without fear, do the same.

I allow myself to realize, and to do, what’s best for all, which is, at the moment, to realize my equality and oneness within and without.

I allow myself to fearlessly realize my equality and oneness and to live it into my actions, words thoughts.

I do not allow participation in the mind as the pursuit of positive energetic charges of feeling powerful, dominant, superior and in control as enslavement, and I instead allow myself to exist within understanding and self-direction as life.

I do not accept or allow myself to participate in the sex game as it diminishes me as who I am, and I do not allow diminishing behaviours within me as Who I Am.

Self-judgment Creates Inner Hell

I had a really rough time this past week, physically and emotionally. Although my breathing efforts were consistent, I also participated in the mind quite a bit. I had a lot of self-judgment and fear of judgment from my partner.

My body has gone through some changes recently, and I will take the opportunity to realize how self-judgmental I am about my physical appearance/physical state.

This point has been way too important for me my whole life, and I am soooo ready to let it go, only- it’s automated within me. If anything my weight gain has shown me how extensively I am programmed to value physical appearance. How much I have separated myself from my physical body, and the lack of self-acceptance within me, and the lack of self-trust that I will properly care for my physical body.

 I also noticed how I depend on the approval of others to ‘pick me up when I’m down’, and to accept me so I don’t have to accept myself.

Recently I have gained some weight. It’s from a combination of living back with my parents while I’m studying- with three square meals as well as a sedentary student life-style. All I do is sit and study when I’m used to being outside and being active. Now my jeans don’t fit!- lol!

This past week I have spent with my partner who I haven’t seen for about a  month, and all of a sudden my self-judgment was placed right in front of me. I also had pms, as well as some kind of eczema that has been appearing and disappearing on different areas of my body.

I felt fat and disgusting.

I was visiting some family over the past week, so I was reacting to myself within that context as well.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that school and other responsibilities are overwhelming, and that I can only do so much, while I abandon everything else, such as exercise and self-enjoyment and enjoying Life. As a result, my physical body has changed, and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge the change as weight gain as disgusting, thus charging it with a negative charge and then reacting to it within fear. When I look at the fear I see fear of a lack of control over aging and over my health, wherein I am projecting into the future all my worst fears of what can happen to me physically, instead of taking it one breath at a time and remaining Here. I also see misplaced values that I have separated myself from and attached to my physical appearance, instead of valuing myself as who I am as Life.

Within this I can see a lack of balance, self-movement and self-trust that I will do what needs to be done.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body, allowing for self-judgment, and within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge my physical body as disgusting.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to abuse my physical body through and within my participation within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within projection, projecting my fears into an imaginary future.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live in self-created fear and fear of an imaginary future that is not even real, but which I will make real if I continue to participate within my fears, my thoughts and my projections of it.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to doubt that I am capable of balance, self-movement and self-trust.

I allow myself to love, respect and care for my physical body as it has supported me unconditionally my whole life.

I allow myself to take Life one breath at a time, and to remain Here with me.

I allow myself to accept and value myself as Who I Am as deserving of Life because I Am Here.

I allow myself to be balance, self-trust and self-movement, as I am pushing myself to learn how to incorporate and integrate these words into my living actions and application.

I do not allow myself to participate within my mind- projecting my worst fears into an imaginary future situation.

I do not allow myself to participate within the separation of myself wherein I misplace my self-value.

Projection and Separation:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to depend on X’s attention/affection/devotion in order for me to experience emotional charges of importance/loved/cherished within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become dependent on feeling these emotional; charges from X, and therefore expect them, and when I don’t have them, I feel self-pity, forgotten, not important, not cherished and not loved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on the acceptance of someone outside of me in order to be able to accept myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to X, thus making him responsible for creating a positive energetic experience within me when I’m around him.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have come to expect the positive emotional experiences from X, and to feel disappointed/robbed/sad when I don’t get them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the emotional energetic experiences of loved/cherished/special, thus participating in polarity, thus ensuring the opposite energetic experience within and as me. So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the polarity of special/unspecial, loved/unloved and cherished/uncherished to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the experience of unspecial, unloved and un-cherished to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect X to my personal feeling experience of special, loved and cherished.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to desire to feel special.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself, to love and cherish myself.

- - - - -

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reflect my self-judgment off of X.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to X instead of taking responsibility for my self-judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as gross because I have exzema, not realizing that this physical manifestation is an opportunity to take the time to heal me and sort me out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as disgusting because I have gained weight, instead of realizing that I will make the appropriate changes to remain active and in shape because that is what I enjoy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel insecure because I have been participating in self-judgment about my exzema and weight, and because I am participating in the mind of thoughts and beliefs, thinking and believing that X is judging me too.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel insecure because I have placed my value as security in my physical appearance and sexual allure. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look at myself and judge myself in this way- where I think/believe/perceive myself to have ‘no value’ unless I am perfect, thus I am perpetually judging myself as imperfect.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that such a thing as physical perfection exists, it is only pictures.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my self-worth in my ability to convince myself that X has a desire for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value myself based on how badly X desires me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire others to want/need/desire me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I require constant reassurance by X giving me attention and praise that I am wanted/valued,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame PMS as an excuse to feel self-judgmental, self-hatred, self-disgust and just foul, as self-sabotage so as not to have to face myself and remain Here, with me, in each breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame PMS for my emotional state instead of taking responsibility for myself as my mind of emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame PMS for my rage.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame PMS because I always have, and it’s what I‘ve been taught to believe/taught myself to believe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame PMS for my experience of physical discomfort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my anger towards myself instead of changing myself and the things I am angry about, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress my anger towards myself instead of facing it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘put up’ with myself as a mind for so long, limited and enslaved, and all the rage and anger I have felt from that- it’s suppressed within me, and now it ‘comes out’ when there is friction, irritation, resistance, etc…

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I do not know how to deal with my emotions, this is just an excuse to not deal with them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to ’feel’ stable in order to prove to myself that I am stable. I know that I cannot trust my emotions, and that my mind will fuck with me at every turn, so I know that I can’t trust my mind to tell me when I’m stable and doing well and when I’m not. The mind usually has it ass-backward anyways, so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust my mind of thoughts, feelings, emotions and reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to depend on myself as a mind mind to tell me who and how I am, instead of directing myself within oneness and equality in each breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel emotionally unstable because ‘I have been working hard’, ‘I have PMS’, ‘I am visiting my in-laws’, ‘I have had a busy schedule’, “I am in exams’ and ‘I am a victim’. These are all excuses to not have to face me and I do not accept or allow myself to participate within and as them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the excuses of the mind, instead of trusting me here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to be the excuses that :I feel emotionally unstable because ‘I have been working hard’, ‘I have PMS’, ‘I am visiting my in-laws’, ‘I have had a busy schedule’, “I am in exams’ and ‘I am a victim’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the excuses: I feel emotionally unstable because ‘I have been working hard’, ‘I have PMS’, ‘I am visiting my in-laws’, ‘I have had a busy schedule’, “I am in exams’ and ‘I am a victim’ to exist within and as me.

Instead, I accept myself to remain Here, taking one step at a time, figuring out one step at a time.

I allow myself to realize that I love me and I accept me at all moments, within stability, one breath at a time.

I am here with me, for me. Always.

When I feel myself going into emotional instability, I stop, and I breathe. I stand up within the understanding that I trust me to direct me here, stability is not a feeling experience, and I breathe until I come back, so that I may participate in my world as who I am as stability, and not from the emotionally reactive self-interest of myself as a mind.

- - - - - -

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to X when he’s around his family.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel/think/believe or perceive that I am in the way at X’s mom’s house, because I’m not getting the same kind/amount of attention I get at my house.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think believe or perceive that I need a certain kind/amount of attention to be comfortable, and to feel loved and accepted within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my experience of myself with X’s family to that with my family, and then when there’s a difference, to react to it as if it were something wrong with me/them/X/the situation, not realizing that the difference is the ideas and expectations I have attached to the different locations/people/situations, and that I am, in fact, the same throughout.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to just be comfortable within myself, knowing I am Here for me always, and that self-acceptance and self-love are only a breath away.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive I can’t be me/myself around X’s family because I have to be something else, something ‘more’ to impress them and to prove I am worthy to be there, to be with them and a part of their family.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to be something else/something more than what I am, I know where that leads- it leads to self-judgment and insecurity, and I do not allow myself to participate within the energetic emotional reaction of inferiority around X’s family, due to the thought/belief/perception that they have the right to judge me because I am the new member of the group.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/belief/perceive that I need to act/behave a certain way in order to gain acceptance by X’s family.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear X’s family won’t/doesn’t accept me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an inferiority polarity around X’s family, because I’m looking at myself through their eyes and judging myself as ‘a bad influence’, ‘not smart enough’, ‘not interesting enough’ or ‘annoying’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as a bad influence on X- he is a grown man and has a mind of his own. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that X’s family thinks I’m a bad influence on him. First of all- I have no idea what they really think so I shouldn’t worry about it. Secondly, it doesn’t matter what they think because they are only reflecting their own self-judgment, as I am doing, and it has nothing to do with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear reflecting X’s family’s self-judgment back to themselves for fear that they will react to me and blame me, as I blame others for my self-judgment.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame others for my self-judgment instead of taking responsibility for it and forgiving myself for it and not repeating the behavior (corrective application).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my thoughts/fears/beliefs/ideas of what X’s family thinks of me, instead of allowing myself to be myself, In self-confidence and self-trust.

I allow myself to love and accept myself entirely and unconditionally.

I do not accept or allow myself to become self-conscious in a group because I fear their judgment.

If Y doesn’t like me then he has that to work out for himself, on his own. I am free of that burden or weight because I choose not to participate in it- I do not accept or allow myself to try to do things to ‘win him over’ and prove to him that ‘I have good intentions’ or ‘I’m not a bad person” etc…

I do not accept or allow myself to try to be something within this group. This is not my show, it’s not ‘a’ show, but an event within which I am challenged to remain here, in breath.

When I notice myself going into a reaction around X/X’s family I stop, and I breathe. I stand up as myself, within the understanding that the only judgment is self-judgment, and I do not allow myself to participate within self-judgment or inferiority. I allow myself to remain stable, Here, because I accept and allow myself to love and accept myself unconditionally.

Releasing My Self-Definitions

In walking 'backwards through time' to see/realize /understand how I have created myself as who and how I am through the layering of acceptances and allowances of past memories, thoughts, feelings, emotions, experiences etc.... I have decided to walk through some of the main ways in which I have defined myself.

I'm starting with beauty because I've noticed, now that I'm back in a busy city, that I am experiencing self-judgment about my appearance. When I used to live in the city, I worked at a bar. I dressed to impress, seduce, entice, invite etc... because I was working for tips. I got a lot of attention from men through the bartender- customer dynamic and have developed many beliefs and self-definitions which I need to now walk through and let go.

With the self-definition of beauty I have found the eternal search for recognition and reconfirmation from others of everything I have associated with 'what it means to be beautiful'. I'm done with endless searches now as only I can recognize and confirm myself, and the only valid recognition and confirmation is within understanding/realizing/being and becoming oneness and equality with and as all Life.

I will begin with purifying the word and re-defining it, and then forgiving myself of all the ways in which I have lived and separated myself through living my beliefs and perceptions of beauty.

Purifying Beautiful:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word beautiful with a positive/good charge/value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘beautiful’ to a positive or good polarity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe or think that to be beautiful is good or positive, and to be ugly is bad or negative.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect to word beautiful to the word feminine.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word beautiful within the word
feminine.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word beautiful and from the word feminine by defining the word beautiful within the word feminine in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word beautiful to the word successful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word beautiful within the word successful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word beautiful and from the word successful by defining the word beautiful within the word success, or successful, in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word beautiful to the word special.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word beautiful within the word special.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word beautiful and from the word special, by defining the word beautiful within the word special in separation of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word beautiful to the word important.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word beautiful within the word important.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word beautiful and from the word important by defining the word beautiful within the word important in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word beautiful to the word popular.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word beautiful within the word popular.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word beautiful and from the word popular by defining the word beautiful within the word popular in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word beautiful to the word happy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word beautiful within the word happy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word beautiful
and from the word happy by defining the word beautiful within the word happy in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word beauty to the word resent.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word beautiful within the word resent.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word beautiful and from the word resentment by defining the word beautiful within the word resentment in separation of myself.

Dictionary definition:
adjective
1.
having beauty; having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind: a beautiful dress; a beautiful speech.
2.
excellent of its kind: a beautiful putt on the seventh hole; The chef served us a beautiful roast of beef.
3.
wonderful; very pleasing or satisfying.

Sounds like: BE YoU To the FULLest

New Definition:
Beautiful: 1)wonderful, very pleasing or satisfying to be one’s self as one’s full self expression within presence and awareness, Here, with and as, and within consideration of all of Life. 2) to be and become one’s self-expression within self-mastery, self-acceptance, self-forgiveness and self-love, to the fullest extent is to be satisfaction and to be great pleasure. 3) To be and become excellence as full self-expression, as self-perfection, as who one is as Life.

SF on Beauty:
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself within the want, need and desire to be perceived as beautiful or pretty.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that beautiful people are more important , and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that beautiful people count more, and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to that beautiful people are more exceptional and valuable, therefore, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire to be beautiful so that I can ‘feel’ more important, think/believe and perceive that I count more oram more exceptional and valuable than the rest of life, instead of realizing/seeing/understanding that beauty it a construct of society that is not real/not based in anything real, and it supports inequality and does not take into consideration what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try/need to/desire to manipulate men and women with my human physical body.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel important because I define myself as or perceive my human physical body as desireable/desired/envied.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from life by defining myself within the mind, and within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, need or desire to perceive myself as ‘more-than’ the rest of life, instead of realizing and seeing my oneness and equality to all that is here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in the energetic polarity of positive beauty and negative ugliness.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity of important/unimportant, by viewing some humans as more important than others based on their appearance. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that more beautiful human beings are more important. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that more beautiful human beings are more valuable human beings. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think believe or perceive that what I’ve defined as ‘more beautiful’ human beings are more exceptional human beings. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity of exceptional/unexceptional by believing some human beings are more exceptional then others.

Nobody is an exception from Life, we are all one and equal within and as Life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to value myself unconditionally, but instead have focused on my strengths and weaknesses.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize my unconditional worth as Life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire people to look at me and give me attention, so that I can think, believe or perceive that they are judging me as beautiful, important, exceptional and more-than others.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire others to perceive me as beautiful.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, need or desire others to perceive me as valuable.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my self-value by wanting, needing and desiring others to perceive me as valuable.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire others to perceive my as exceptional.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire others to perceive me as more than.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to value myself and realize my importance thus within this separation I’ve developed the habit of seeking my self-importance and my self-value in the glances of others, wherein I project my own judgment of beauty and its qualities and project it back to myself through my interpretation of their glances and looks.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as unexceptional and less-than, therefore I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to seek the polarity opposite as exceptional and more-than within my projected self-judgement through and as the judgement of myself through and as others as beautiful.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself to men and women by needing them to think I am beautiful to confirm my self-definition as ego.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself by defining myself as beautiful.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to place worth or value in beauty as appearance, so I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my worth and value by placing it in my appearance and the judgment of other’s based on my appearance, thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to depend upon others judgment to believe I have self worth and value, instead of realizing, seeing and understanding that my self-value and self-worth is within me as who I am as Life, and not in who I’ve defined myself as within ego and self-judgment.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as pretty.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as important.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire special treatment from others.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire flattery from others.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as special and unspecial.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, through separation, seek special treatment and flattery from others to manipulate my inner experience of myself, instead of realizing my wholeness as life, as here within breath.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give away my power by wanting, needing and desiring flattery and special treatment from others.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to depend upon others to make me feel ‘good’ and whole, instead of standing up as who I am as life regardless of my inner experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within the deception of the mind by believing my thoughts, feelings and emotions are who I am, thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to depend upon my thoughts, feelings and emotions to tell me who I am instead of realizing they are not me, they are mind and ego, and mind and ego are not Life, and I stand up from within and as mind and ego as who I am as Life.

I do not accept or allow myself to participate within and as the energetic polarities of beauty/ugliness, special/unspecial, worth/worthless, important/unimportant, exceptional/unexceptional, good/bad.

I do not accept or allow myself to feed the mind as energy by participating within and as the polarities of the mind.

I do not accept or allow myself to separate myself through self-judgment.

I do not accept or allow myself to seek myself, my self-worth and my wholeness from/within others outside myself in separation of me.

I do not accept or allow myself to participate in self-judgment or the judgment of others.

I do not accept or allow myself to participate within the beauty demon of the mind.

I do not accept or allow myself to seek to be more than who I am , or more than others.

I accept and allow myself to be, see and realize my self-worth, my wholeness and my self-expression as who I am as Life.

I accept and allow myself to take myself back from and as that which I have used to separate myself with and as.

I accept and allow myself to realize and see my unconditional worth and value as life