Releasing My Self-Definitions: "young"

One of the things I've found I define myself as is 'young'. I've been the baby of the family, and then later when I started working I happened to be the youngest one there. In time I realized the 'value' of youth, and as my coworkers were aging around me I started valuing my youth more like a possession, and over time it became a part of my self-definition.

Now I am 30, and as youth fades and I start to see the physical changes my ego goes into an internal panic for fear of losing that which I have defined myself as. The panic is supressed within me because I understand it is irrational- this is Life- people age, I am no different. But the 'panic' which involves fear and a sort of 'helplessness' is left there to just kind of fester within. So, through self-forgiveness I can remove my connections to the value I have placed within 'youth'- the word itself and the ideas, perceptions, definitions and beliefs I have attached to it, and instead value myself as who I am as Life, as character, as determination, as self-acceptance and as will.


Young:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young to smooth skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within smooth skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the smooth beautiful skin by defining the word young with in beautiful skin in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word fresh.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word fresh.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word fresh by defining the word young within the word fresh in separation of myself,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word innocent.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word innocent .

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word innocent by defining the word young within the word innocent in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word jealousy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word jealousy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word jealousy by defining the word young within the word jealousy in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word power.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word power by defining the word young within the word power in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word naive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word naive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word naive by defining the word young within the word naive in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word naive with the word envy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word naive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word naive by defining the word young within the word naive in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young to the word pure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word pure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word pure by defining the word young within the word pure in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the word lost.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word lost.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word lost by defining the word young within the word lost in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young to the word lucky.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word lucky.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young, and from the word lucky, by defining the word young within the word lucky in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word young with the words school girl.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word young within the word schoolgirl.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word young and from the word schoolgirl by defining the word young within the word schoolgirl in separation of myself.

Dictionary Definition:

Being in an early period of life, development, or growth.
Newly begun or formed; not advanced: The evening is still young.
Of, belonging to, or suggestive of youth or early life: He is young for his age.
Vigorous or fresh; youthful.

Lacking experience; immature: a young hand at plowing.
Being the junior of two people having the same name.
Geology. Being of an early stage in a geologic cycle. Used of bodies of water and land formations.

Sounds Like:

YOU’ll Never Grow

Remaining young is to be without personal growth or expansion. To enjoy youth to its utmost while at the same time growing, expanding and maturing as Who One Is as Life. To not remain in the naiveté and ignorance of youth, but to face the world as Who One Is in complete awareness of why one is. To enjoy youth, but to still remain on track within self-direction and self-responsibility within and as the untangling the mind that one began to tangle in youth.

SF On Young:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as young.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge being young as the best and being old as the worst.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that those who are young are better than those who are old.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself within judgment, as better than those who are older than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am luckier than those who are older than me, and then to participate within and energetic charge of positive feeling energy
because of feeling ‘luckier’ and ‘better than’ those who are older than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want need and desire to use my youth to seduce older men.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire to manipulate and abuse myself and older men by playing on systems which exist by attempting to seduce, manipulate and abuse older men, and in turn seducing, abusing and manipulating myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seduce, abuse and manipulate myself and older men through my beliefs and back-chat play-outs in physical reality.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave myself within the belief that I only have power if I can seduce men, particularly older and men who I define as more powerful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to seduce older men in order to survive in the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to manipulate others, particularly older men, in order to survive in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get high off of having the ability to
manipulate older men to want and desire me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel worthless and old if I can’t manipulate men.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear men seeing me as old and worthless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear older men seeing me as old and instead desiring younger women than myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe when I grow old I will lose my power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe power lies in my ability to seduce.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ‘good’ about myself within polarity instead of simply being myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the polarities of youth/age, worth/worthlessness, beauty/ugly, power/powerless, good/bad, desirable/undesirable, and desired/undesired.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself within trying to feel a certain way about me and who I am, that ‘way’ being powerful, superior and dominant manipulator, which is not what’s best for all in any way, it is only what I perceive as best for me, but it’s not even best for me, it is best for the mind as absolute enslavement and separation of self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave and separate myself as the mind within the idea of youth and superiority instead of realizing and doing what’s best for all, which is, at the moment, realizing oneness and equality within and without.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that men should be like putty in my hands.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire to be able to manipulate another human being instead of wanting, needing and desiring them to realize themselves as Life, equal and one.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need or desire to be a vixen and a muse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the idea of a vixen or a muse to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that a vixen or a muse is complete enslavement and is totally fucked up, it is not life and not who or what anybody should be or want to be as a powerless slave.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire to be a vixen and a muse because I have not realized my self-importance and self-worth, and instead I seek it from others.

I allow myself to realize my self-importance and self-worth, and to realize that I am the most important instrument that I have the power to move, and the most worth that I can imagine, as does everybody else.

I allow myself to assist and support others unconditionally as life, to, without fear, assist and support them to realize who they are as life as I assist and support myself to , without fear, do the same.

I allow myself to realize, and to do, what’s best for all, which is, at the moment, to realize my equality and oneness within and without.

I allow myself to fearlessly realize my equality and oneness and to live it into my actions, words thoughts.

I do not allow participation in the mind as the pursuit of positive energetic charges of feeling powerful, dominant, superior and in control as enslavement, and I instead allow myself to exist within understanding and self-direction as life.

I do not accept or allow myself to participate in the sex game as it diminishes me as who I am, and I do not allow diminishing behaviours within me as Who I Am.

Replacing Bi-Polar Tendencies With Stability

Today is my ‘get my shit back together’ day, which is cool. It’s when I ‘get back on track’ clean myself up, discipline my eating, clean up my work-space and get to work. This type of day is starting to feel familiar, and that’s great, except for two things that I am now making myself officially aware of.  Number one is that when I feel myself going ‘up’ like this I have the tendency to let it get too high, wherein I become out of control, and number two is the inevitable crash afterwards, so it’s a pattern. I can see that what led up to this type of day (my ‘get my shit back together’ day) was the opposite type of day. For the past 3 or 4 days I have felt heavy, sloppy, on the verge of being overwhelmed by life, and foul. I was pissed off at my sluggishness and my inability to move myself effectively. This pattern used to last months, and then weeks, and now mere days, so I can see the compression as I’m being spiralled into facing myself head on. I am ready. I even felt ready while I was going through it these past few days: telling myself to stand up from within it, to direct myself from within the sluggishness, the foulness, the overwhelming-ness... and I did, the ‘low’ still felt really low, but I managed to get some stuff done and move myself despite the way I felt inside. Wherein I used to fall completely into the overwhelming-ness, I now simply teeter on the edge of it, realizing it has been my choice to ‘go there’ all along. I’m not helpless in this regard, I do not have to go there at all. I’ve been working on this pattern and as I continue to do so one thing becomes more and more clear with regards to bringing myself into these crashes: there’s no point in going there. It is unnecessary self-imposed hardships that result from the self-allowance of participation in energetic polarities.

Presently:  I see that I bounce back and forth  between these two extremes. At once I feel completely in control and on top of everything, and then I’m like a teenager again- angry and irresponsible. Presently I see myself about to go up. I keep in mind that when I’m on the upswing I tend to go too high, thinking and believing that I’ve finally done it- changed myself and now everything is going to be good and I’m in total control. And then I over-do it. I start many projects and I try to get everything done, but what happens is- it never ends. I can’t stay up in that high for an extended amount of time, so I’m going to come down, and that ‘coming down’ will be proportional to how high I let myself get.

Self-Correction:  When I am on that upswing, I remind myself that the goal isn’t to just ‘go with it’ and feed it and become all super-human, because it won’t last. When I feel myself going ‘up’ I breathe through the desire to feed it and go with it because that is an addiction to a bi-polar pattern that I will direct myself to replace with stability. Within understanding myself in this regard, I see this pattern and I direct myself to apply self-will and self-directive principle to remain in common sense and practical application instead of entering into a mind possession high wherein I set myself up for a proportional fall. Common sense and practical application here refers to taking one thing at a time and doing it properly. Not starting many things thus setting myself up to burn out. It’s cool that I’m back from my previous fall, but I need to be stable now and realize that today is just one day, I don’t need to get everything done, just the things that make the most sense. I can leave some stuff for tomorrow so that I slowly accumulate my self-directive principle and stability instead of feeding the tendencies of bi-polar disorder.