Facing Resistances Within Self-Movement

Jan 18^th 2012

Today I felt very frustrated in the morning. The thoughts that were coming up connected to the frustration were that

1)      I never have enough time to do anything

2)      I’m always in a rush

3)      I’m so busy I wish I could just have a break and relax

4)      It’s just too much, I just can’t handle it.

The first two thoughts definitely go together, and are a result of the fact that I’m still working on self-movement. I have extreme physical reactions to moving myself, it’s like, these great resistances and there’s anxiety in there because I become overwhelmed, I have been getting overwhelmed more easily recently and as I write this the thought came up that last semester ‘did me in’, and ‘I never really got a break’, it’s just been go go go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I never have time to do anything, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I’m always in a rush.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought I never have time to do anything to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought that I’m always in a rush to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the emotional energetic charge of ‘hurried’ stress and anxiety to the thoughts that I never have enough time to do anything and I’m always in a rush, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become influenced by the ‘hurried’ stress and anxiety energy by participating within and as it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the mind by reacting within emotional energetic experiences to thoughts, thus allowing the thoughts to influence and have control over me instead of me directing myself Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in my thoughts instead of remaining present and aware, in breathe, wherein I realize that I am the directive principle and  will push me to move myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust me, that I will move me. I will move me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the resistances I feel when I move me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe those resistances are ‘real’, or that they are indicating that something is ‘wrong’ and I shouldn’t be doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that something, such as self-movement, ‘should’ feel ‘good’ or ‘right’, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I need pleasant emotional experiences to be able to move myself.

I see/realize/understand that self-movement is not moving me with energy, which is what I’m used to. There is no force or motivation other than me and sheer will. I understand I have become addicted to and dependant on energy to move me throughout my day, and as I move myself instead as the directive principle of me it will be different.

I do not accept or allow myself to be addicted to or dependant on energy to move me through my day.

I do not accept or allow myself to become discouraged because I have defined self-movement as ‘hard,’ ‘tough’ or ‘difficult’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self-movement as ‘hard’, ‘tough,’ and ‘difficult’ because it is new to me and I am not used to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy, and to believe laziness is ‘nice’ ‘comfortable’ and ‘easy’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing myself by being lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-responsibility to laziness, by being lazy and stubborn and unwilling to budge from comfortable habits.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that comfort is ‘good’ and should be sought out, at least not this kind of comfort- which is the stagnant kind that I use to not face me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use comfort to avoid facing me.

I allow myself to face myself within facing these resistances I’m having towards self-movement.

I allow myself to become one with these resistances so that I can change myself as them.

I allow myself to be the strength, determination, commitment, assertiveness, patience and will to walk through these resistances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive these resistances are bigger than me.

I see/realize and understand that I created these resistances and I am completely capable, able and willing to take responsibility for them, and walk them until I am changed as them, until I move me here while nothing moves inside me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the energetic experience of frustrated instead of breathing Here.

I realize that when I am present I get more done effectively and when I am frustrated I make more mistakes and do things improperly or forget details, which just adds to/feeds the feeling of frustration wherein it’s almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the energetic experience of ‘frustration’ to the thought ‘I never have enough time to do anything’ and ‘I am always rushed.’

I allow myself to be and become ‘enough time;’ by being Here, in the moment, and I allow myself be presence and awareness of breath as I walk through the resistances I face as I face me and the totality of what I have created through my acceptances and allowances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the energetic experience of frustration and then look for ways to feed it, small things that I can manipulate into ‘frustrating’ which normally would not be so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself by turning small things into ‘frustration; in order to feed and confirm my energetic experience, thus confirming to me as my mind that these experiences are real, or that they are valid, when in fact they are merely taking me away from now operating wholly.]

I do not allow myself to be fooled by the mind and by the self-manipulation techniques I use to feed my energetic experiences of myself.

I do not allow myself to manipulate me.

I allow myself the strength, self-will and self-determination as well as patience and commitment to ‘call myself out’, breathe, and bring myself back here when I feel/realize that I ‘m participating within an energetic experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I need a break to relax instead of realizing that this type of ‘break’ is a backdoor to cave in to resistances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed backdoors to continue to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the mind-polarity of work/break, I am fully aware of when I am using a break as an escape, a chance to be lazy instead of facing myself.

I realize that taking a break after I have worked hard and ‘given it my all’ is understandable, and it is a time that I can rest with the physical, but otherwise I am using it as an excuse to avoid walking my resistances.

I allow myself to be the strength, discipline and self-will required to stop myself when I believe I need a break, to breathe and to push myself through, so that I can see what will happen as I move me.