Feeling Helpless

Helpless

                I’m going to explore the thoughts that I manifest which pull me in to the energetic reaction of feeling ‘helpless’. ‘Helpless’ as an experience which I define within myself as unable to immediately solve a problem, not finding a ‘quick fix,’ realizing only the accumulative effect will be effective over time, and that I have not been effectively accumulating thus far. I find myself reacting to this realization with anxiety which I feed with more and more thoughts which makes me feel like I am spiralling out of control. The thoughts come from the belief that if I just think about it some more I will figure it out somehow, but there is no ‘figuring it all out,’ there is only starting again –to take responsibility, to push through the deception of the mind and to move myself without participation in the mind within and as thoughts, feelings and emotions, - all things which require practice and accumulation over time.

                So, my reaction the other day began as I was contemplating financial issues as I had experienced that day some consequences of lack of money. I am currently in school and living part-time in Canada and part-time in the US. This makes things a bit complicated at the moment because I can’t keep a job for a long period of time in one place or the other, and I can only work part-time due to my year-round classes.

                I find myself taking this current situation and amplifying it in to the future by projecting the ‘helplessness’ I feel right now in this temporary situation as if it will always be this way. So the original starting thought for me usually begins with this telescopic look into my future and the accompanying feeling of ‘no security.’ I begin to revel in the belief or perceived reality that I have nothing to depend on, nothing, not even myself will be able to guarantee me financial or other support in the future, accompanied by the fear of ‘what if something were to happen,’ This fear implicates the fear of debt, further enslavement and not being able to support even myself in the world, let alone support others.

                The polarity reaction I experience from time to time, but less often, is the thought, belief or perception that I will be ok, I’ll get a good job, I’ll buy property... and I get this warm and fuzzy feeling of having security and having it all under control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my thoughts to pull me into the energetic reaction of feeling ‘helpless.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow thoughts to pull me in to energetic reactions of feeling ‘helpless and then continue to feed this reaction with more and more thoughts of doom and gloom.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed my energetic reaction of ‘helplessness’ with thoughts of doom and gloom based on a future which only exist in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create within my mind thoughts of a future where I cannot provide for myself, where I fall in to debt and lose control –this is a mind projection and is not real. It is a mind projection created specifically to cause reactions within me which I utilize to feed a possession wherein I feel helpless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to fix all my fears by finding some magical solution which I can apply immediately to ‘make it all go away’. The solution that will make it all go away is writing: self-forgiveness, self-honesty and corrective application, as well as the accumulation of self-trust, self-stability and effectiveness in my world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a quick fix when I know only the accumulative effect works.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe a quick fix exists.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a quick fix to exist so that I don’t have to take responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to find thoughts as excuses to trick myself into believing I won’t have to take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that taking self-responsibility is difficult, hard or tiresome. These manifestations are of mind consciousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid taking self-responsibility in every moment because my mind is busy making excuses and conjuring up back doors and easy-outs to trick me with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest anxiety for myself which clutches me in its grip, making me feel like it is real and impossible to escape.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed anxiety by delving even further into my mind in an attempt to ‘figure it all out’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pursue trying to figure out the mind when I know that it will only lead me in endless circles, creating energy with which I feed and charge my thoughts, feelings andemotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be pulled into energy by thoughts instead of applying/living me, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and participate in the original thought that triggers the train of thoughts which leads me to anxiety.

Original thoughts are things like: I cannot support me by myself.

I am only me, a limited human who cannot be more than what I am,

My future requires me to be more than I am right now, and I cannot fathom expanding myself, progressing, evolving, becoming more effective (because I never have been, I have never proved to myself that I can in fact change).

So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I cannot be more that what I am at this moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, perceive or believe that I cannot support me in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that I am only me, a limited human who cannot be more than what I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear changing, expanding, progressing or being more than I am now because it is unknown to me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown that is who I really am. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear who I really am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need to first be able to ‘fathom’ expanding myself, progressing, evolving or becoming more effective to actually be able to do it.

My mind relies on the past to direct me into the future and I have not provided it with any foundation of proof that I can do any of these things. However, this is how the limited/limiting mind works, and the reality is that I can break this thought pattern, belief system or perception of  what it is I am capable of, and start directing me moment to moment according to my Self, not my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the belief that I cannot change, and I delete these memories Now, I allow myself to change, to let go of past memories and to direct myself as who I am in every moment.

I allow myself to live and apply myself as who I am instead of participating in the thoughts that deceive me.

I allow myself to direct myself to not believe the thoughts which deceive me to the point of anxiety.

I allow myself to remain present as awareness without feeling like I am missing out on something, or not being responsible because I’m not following my thoughts.

Conversly,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project into the future, manifesting ‘warm and fuzzy’ feelings of being ‘ok,’ being ‘taken care of’ and ‘in control’ ‘then’, not ‘now’ when ‘now’ is all there really is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to soothe and console myself by creating fairytales of a perfect future where everything is ‘ok’ and ‘under control,’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid taking self-responsibility now by dreaming about a future where I will be self-responsible at some later date.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I require something outside myself to ‘make’ me ‘feel’ like ‘everything is going to be ok’. All I require is myself to remain Here as Who I Am, constant and stable, and that’s all there is.

I allow myself to remain Here as Who I Am, as Who I Am is all that I require,

My breakup with alcohol- update

So, I'm still going strong with this point, which has really become a 'non-point' which I'm sure many have experienced. But an interesting realization came up as I keep experiencing reactions from others wherein they are having trouble accepting that I have made this decision and stuck by it.
I found out that others think that I will not be able to have fun with them anymore, and I definitely had this thought/fear when I first contemplated stopping drinking and smoking pot. I thought that the feeling of just 'letting loose' and escaping reality, would be something I would really miss. However, the individual who was expressing this concern, was looking forward into the summer, where he probably had an idea of what it was going to be like, and now that I don't drink I have taken that expectation away, thus leaving him disappointed.
Also, he was perceiving my experience to be exactly what I had feared: no fun, no letting loose and no escaping. But I what I have experienced in quitting my addictions is that it is not that way at all. In fact, after a short period of adjustment, I'd say I feel the exact same way. I still have fun, I still let loose, but it's different because I can't escape the stress and anxiety through substance anymore. So now, when it builds up within me, I can only remove it with writing it out and doing self-forgiveness, and then walking the correction. It takes a little longer than drinking or smoking my troubles away, but at least I know that I have dealt with the issues and they will not return day after day like they used to.
In releasing points which cause stress and anxiety in my life I make way to dig deeper, and that's really cool because the eventual change is visible, and I am not escaping anymore, but rather I am facing myself in what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, which is not pretty. But it's like actual progress versus stagnation.
Back to my point: the way we perceive an experience and try to predict what it 'might be like' could stop us from changing ourselves, only to discover the perception was totally off. Looking through the eyes of the mind has never gotten me anywhere. I have to wonder now, how many times have I stopped myself from 'moving forward' so to speak, because of projected perceptions which were total fabrications of my mind.
The mind is sneaky and convincing, but as we all discover more clearly the paths we are choosing to walk, the 'choice' becomes more obvious. Meaning, whether we choose to pursue the endless mind games that have been directing us thus far, or whether we choose to live by principle, becomes more clear in every moment.
I choose to LIVE! In actuality, and not be directed by the theater in my head.
www.desteniiprocess.com

Self-Forgiveness on highschool Experiences (yes, I'm still carrying them around... NO MORE!!!)

Not being chosen:

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I don’t belong.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like an outcast.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear feeling like an outcast.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear feeling like I don’t belong.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, perceive and/or believe myself to be excluded and an outcast.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compensate for thinking, perceiving and believing myself to be excluded and/or outcast by acting in ways which make others feel excluded or like outcasts.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the polarity of ‘included’ and ‘excluded,’ when all are included as life, and only self can separate and exclude self as ego.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be part of an exclusive group.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear be seen as ‘not part of the group.’

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being seen as an outcast.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that not belonging and being an outcast exist, these terms are of separation and are not equal and one.

Feeling tormented:

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel tormented when I am not getting what I want.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel tormented when my ego is being diminished.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as ego.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my ego being hurt as if I ‘as who I really am’ am being hurt.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel tormented when an event is not confirming what my mind believes I ‘should be’ as ego.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as tormented by a situation or event, it is only my mind creating the experience of tormented within myself, and is not coming from an outside source.

Feeling humiliated/rejected:

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience humiliation as self-judgment in separation.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience rejection as self-judgment in separation.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in self-rejection to a situation which I thought, believed, perceived to be humiliating.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel humiliated and rejected because someone was chosen over me.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compete for men.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compete with other women.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in competition within separation.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that because another was chosen over me, that makes that being ‘more special,’ ‘luckier’ and ‘more desirable’ than me.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/perceive and believe myself to be ‘special,’ ‘lucky’ and ‘desirable.’

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, perceive and believe myself to be ‘un-special,’ ‘unlucky,’ and ‘ un-desirable.’

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that to be ‘special,’ ‘lucky’ and ‘desirable’ are positive attributes, and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge these words with a positive energetic charge and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be able to define myself by these words and experience the perceived experience I imagine to go with them. These are mind games which are never won.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that ‘special’ lucky’ and ‘desirable’ exist as life. They don’t; they are polarities which require their opposites to exist and therefore they do not stand as equality.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to another, and then think, believe and perceive myself to be a certain way based on that comparison.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from another, judging myself and manifesting resentment towards her as myself, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within separation from others, utilising that separation to judge myself without having to take responsibility for it. So I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid taking self-responsibility by accepting and allowing separation and judgment.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reject myself as who I really am.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel humiliated because my ego was hurt.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel humiliated because I feel less than, as my ego is less than life.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel humiliated because of the fear that others will perceive me as ‘less than’.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to humiliation with the thought, belief or perception of my ego being ‘hurt’.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to beliefs I hold, believing them to be real.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to beliefs, believing them to be real.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to beliefs, believing them to be real and thinking, perceiving and believing them to be who I am.

I accept and allow myself to let go of all thoughts, beliefs and perceptions, without fear of losing ‘who I am’. Who I really am cannot be lost, it has always been here.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself based on the beliefs I hold.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe what I think, feel, believe and perceive is real.

I exist and cannot be diminished by anyone but myself. I am not my ego, only my ego can feel insecure, humiliated, rejected and ‘less than.’

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being judged by others and react to that fear within humiliation.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that others will perceive me as my fragile ego.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what others think because it is only in my mind and therefore it is only self-judgement. 

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not accept myself unconditionally.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as ego which is the only thing that can feel humiliated and rejected.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value and importance on my ego. -I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I exist only as ego.

-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what lies beyond ego, and in that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown. Therefore, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear knowing myself. -I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not knowing myself.

I allow myself to exist without separating myself from life through self-judgment, competition and comparison.

I allow myself to see through the smokescreen of my ego.

I allow myself to not react or participate within and as my ego.

I accept and allow silence within.

I trust myself to not be fooled by my ego.

I accept myself unconditionally, and I love and care for myself unconditionally.

Resistance to my Job

I just got a new job for the summer to support myself until I move back to Montreal to finish my degree. I thought the experience of working would be different because I went in to it knowing it would only be for about three months. However, after the third day I began to experience all the familiar signs of resistance to working I have felt all my life at every job and in school. It feels like: this is boring, this is pointless/useless/a waste of my time, I hate being here, I hate doing this, I just want to get this done, etc...

What an awful way to experience oneself at any moment in life! I realize that each moment in every breath I take is a moment for me to remain present and to be as effective as I can no matter what I am doing. I realize that I am required to work to pay my bills and survive and that I chose the job I am currently doing, so I will do it to the best of my ability no matter what.

But old habits die hard, and I have been programming myself to judge tasks which require 'effort' as hard, boring, useless etc..., so now it is time to de-programme so that I can get on with life in a way where I actually move myself and grow, or accumulate habits which break down my walls of judgment and resistance so that I can do anything to the best of my ability, without getting in my own way..

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge 'working' as hard, difficult and strenuous.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define 'hard,' 'difficult,' and 'strenuous' as words with a 'negative' connotation, which I react to in resistance and the physical feeling of tiredness.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the words 'hard,' 'difficult,' and 'strenuous' within the physical manifestation of resistance and tiredness when I am aware that if I were enjoying the task it would not feel that way, therefor I am aware that it is my judgment of the tasks that is causing my reaction and that it is not actually real.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'hard' 'difficult' and 'strenuous' exist as separate manifestations from any other time I move myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold the belief of these words along with my physical reactions to them and apply that combination to my job, thus rendering it an un-enjoyable experience which I create for myself.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to correlate 'work' to 'hard'.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that work must be 'boring.'
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my experience of work as 'boring.'
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to  define myself within those moments as 'boring' or 'bored'.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to belive that 'boring' and 'bored' exist.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to correlate work with useless, pointless and a waste of my time.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by the job I do instead of who I am within doing the job.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as 'useless,' 'pointless,'and 'a waste of my time.' I can be utilizing every moment to practice breathing, self-forgiveness and self-honesty as I face myself in every moment of breath. I exist Here in every moment as breath, and when I am in the reactions I experience myself as at work I am not Here, but am in my mind, experiencing my own delusional creation of reality instead of existing within the present moment.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to remain present as breath when I go to work.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my reactions towards work in to the future as I get ready for work, thus setting myself up and ensuring I enslave myself to those reactions.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear working.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I wont be able to do a good job.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the social aspects of working.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing and confronting beings that I work with as myself.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being myself around those I work with.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am 'less than' if I can't do the job as well as others. I am new, and I am just learning.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to grow insecure about the work I do when I am new and just learning the job, instead of giving myself the time, patience and common sense to learn the job properly.
  I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to give myself the time, patience and common sense to learn how to do a new job properly.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself based on the job I do and how I do it.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others in the work that I do.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that others are judging me and the work that I do.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dislike the authority of a boss.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel belittled by having a boss.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that another person can belittle me.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself based on my hierarchical standing at work.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel 'less-than' my boss because she has authority over me.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lack authority over myself.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent someone having authority over me.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent the fact that I don't have full authority over myself.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear authority.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own authority.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear exercising authority over myself for fear of being self-responsible.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe authority makes someone more important than me. It is simply a title and position that is necessary for the efficient functioning of the staff.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel weak in the presence of authority.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty in the presence of authority.
  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel weak and guilty.
  I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to work to my fullest potential due to my manifested resistances and reactions to work, thus creating the feelings of weakness and guilt within myself. Weakness because I feel I cannot stand within work, and guilt because I know I am not doing the best job that I can do.    I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand within work, and   I forgive myself for not  accepting and allowing myself to do the best job that I can do.
I accept and allow myself to stand as myself as I work, facing myself within self-forgiveness and self-honesty in every breath, and I allow myself to do the best job that I am capable of, in any job I within which I chose to apply myself. 

Daily Grind

April 30th
In the morning I had trouble getting out of bed. It’s been this way since I moved back in with my husband. He got up before I did and it made me feel helpless and out of control because I believed I should be the one up and ready to face the day, yet he is the one who is. Instead of being glad for him I judged myself in comparison to him and it makes me feel like I’m not making progress. This is an old pattern I have fallen back in to, because many days I only get out of bed when the coffee is ready. At my parents house I rarely had trouble getting out of bed because the coffee was always made very early. This pattern stems from mornings where I would get up and feel pressured to get everything done at the same time. I would make the coffee, feed the cats and clean up as fast as I could, and it would make me feel overwhelmed. The reason I developed this pattern is because I was trying to feel in control by doing too much too fast. The stress and pressure to get it all done was immediate upon my waking, which made me want to avoid it by staying in bed and letting somebody else do it
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel pressured upon waking up in the mornings by wanting to get everything done in a rush like make the coffee, feed the cats, shower, get dressed and clean the house.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I get everything done quickly I will feel like I’m in control of my life and my day.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel out of control of my life and my day because there are many things I am not in control of in my world.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want and desire to have the feeling of being in control of everything in my life when I can’t possibly conceive of all the possibilities that are going to happen that day and in my life.
-I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stop, and realize that I can only handle one thing at a time, and not do everything all at once.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to burn myself out as I try to get everything done at once believing that I’ll get it over with and not have to deal with it again.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that all the tasks in life will ever be completed to a point where I won’t have to worry about them anymore.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about all the task I believe need to be completed.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about projected work instead of being present in the moment in awareness.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I won’t be able to ‘do it all’, realizing that I can handle one thing at a time to the utmost of my ability.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put off tasks and things I have to do until the last moment, when I absolutely have to do them, instead of directing myself to do them as I had planned.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed by the tasks I put off and allowed to accumulate until they seem monstrous.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project being unable to do the tasks I have to do, thus creating resistance towards them which leaves space for the excuse to put them off till later.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe things will be easier at some future point instead of realizing that the only point I have to work with is the present moment.
I allow myself to direct myself to take care of tasks as they arise.
I allow myself to slow down, take it easy so that I may ensure effective application of breath and awareness, instead of being caught up in a race against time, a race which I create and which does not exist but in my mind.
I allow myself to relax and participate unconditionally in the tasks I must accomplish to be effective throughout the day.
I am grateful for the moments when I participate in my world in awareness.

The next thing that happened is that my husband went out to pick up some parts for his truck and to mail a package. I judged myself because he was up and out the door before I was even dressed. I felt like a depressive slow ball-and-chain that was holding him back. I acted fine but really I felt resentment towards him. I also felt lonely after he left. This resentment obviously had nothing to do with him, but only with my self-judgment and my backchat which is manifested as depressive feelings, heavy feelings and tiredness which are not real.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself when I’m feeling down and slow, instead of breathing through it and forgiving myself in the moment, realizing it is only my backchat which I am participating in.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always want to be pushing myself to the utmost, instead of taking it slow and taking it one thing at a time.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as ‘not trying hard enough’ when I’m not pushing myself to the max in every moment, when that pushing is only a result of stress caused by the fact that I know I’m not being effective or applying myself properly.
-I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to relax and take on moments as they come no matter how I’m feeling.
-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I need to hide and suppress how I’m feeling, instead of expressing myself, whether right or wrong, and then taking responsibility for what I say and do by using forgiveness and corrective application.