Feeling Helpless

Helpless

                I’m going to explore the thoughts that I manifest which pull me in to the energetic reaction of feeling ‘helpless’. ‘Helpless’ as an experience which I define within myself as unable to immediately solve a problem, not finding a ‘quick fix,’ realizing only the accumulative effect will be effective over time, and that I have not been effectively accumulating thus far. I find myself reacting to this realization with anxiety which I feed with more and more thoughts which makes me feel like I am spiralling out of control. The thoughts come from the belief that if I just think about it some more I will figure it out somehow, but there is no ‘figuring it all out,’ there is only starting again –to take responsibility, to push through the deception of the mind and to move myself without participation in the mind within and as thoughts, feelings and emotions, - all things which require practice and accumulation over time.

                So, my reaction the other day began as I was contemplating financial issues as I had experienced that day some consequences of lack of money. I am currently in school and living part-time in Canada and part-time in the US. This makes things a bit complicated at the moment because I can’t keep a job for a long period of time in one place or the other, and I can only work part-time due to my year-round classes.

                I find myself taking this current situation and amplifying it in to the future by projecting the ‘helplessness’ I feel right now in this temporary situation as if it will always be this way. So the original starting thought for me usually begins with this telescopic look into my future and the accompanying feeling of ‘no security.’ I begin to revel in the belief or perceived reality that I have nothing to depend on, nothing, not even myself will be able to guarantee me financial or other support in the future, accompanied by the fear of ‘what if something were to happen,’ This fear implicates the fear of debt, further enslavement and not being able to support even myself in the world, let alone support others.

                The polarity reaction I experience from time to time, but less often, is the thought, belief or perception that I will be ok, I’ll get a good job, I’ll buy property... and I get this warm and fuzzy feeling of having security and having it all under control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my thoughts to pull me into the energetic reaction of feeling ‘helpless.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow thoughts to pull me in to energetic reactions of feeling ‘helpless and then continue to feed this reaction with more and more thoughts of doom and gloom.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed my energetic reaction of ‘helplessness’ with thoughts of doom and gloom based on a future which only exist in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create within my mind thoughts of a future where I cannot provide for myself, where I fall in to debt and lose control –this is a mind projection and is not real. It is a mind projection created specifically to cause reactions within me which I utilize to feed a possession wherein I feel helpless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to fix all my fears by finding some magical solution which I can apply immediately to ‘make it all go away’. The solution that will make it all go away is writing: self-forgiveness, self-honesty and corrective application, as well as the accumulation of self-trust, self-stability and effectiveness in my world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a quick fix when I know only the accumulative effect works.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe a quick fix exists.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a quick fix to exist so that I don’t have to take responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to find thoughts as excuses to trick myself into believing I won’t have to take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that taking self-responsibility is difficult, hard or tiresome. These manifestations are of mind consciousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid taking self-responsibility in every moment because my mind is busy making excuses and conjuring up back doors and easy-outs to trick me with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest anxiety for myself which clutches me in its grip, making me feel like it is real and impossible to escape.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feed anxiety by delving even further into my mind in an attempt to ‘figure it all out’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pursue trying to figure out the mind when I know that it will only lead me in endless circles, creating energy with which I feed and charge my thoughts, feelings andemotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be pulled into energy by thoughts instead of applying/living me, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and participate in the original thought that triggers the train of thoughts which leads me to anxiety.

Original thoughts are things like: I cannot support me by myself.

I am only me, a limited human who cannot be more than what I am,

My future requires me to be more than I am right now, and I cannot fathom expanding myself, progressing, evolving, becoming more effective (because I never have been, I have never proved to myself that I can in fact change).

So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I cannot be more that what I am at this moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, perceive or believe that I cannot support me in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that I am only me, a limited human who cannot be more than what I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear changing, expanding, progressing or being more than I am now because it is unknown to me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown that is who I really am. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear who I really am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need to first be able to ‘fathom’ expanding myself, progressing, evolving or becoming more effective to actually be able to do it.

My mind relies on the past to direct me into the future and I have not provided it with any foundation of proof that I can do any of these things. However, this is how the limited/limiting mind works, and the reality is that I can break this thought pattern, belief system or perception of  what it is I am capable of, and start directing me moment to moment according to my Self, not my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the belief that I cannot change, and I delete these memories Now, I allow myself to change, to let go of past memories and to direct myself as who I am in every moment.

I allow myself to live and apply myself as who I am instead of participating in the thoughts that deceive me.

I allow myself to direct myself to not believe the thoughts which deceive me to the point of anxiety.

I allow myself to remain present as awareness without feeling like I am missing out on something, or not being responsible because I’m not following my thoughts.

Conversly,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project into the future, manifesting ‘warm and fuzzy’ feelings of being ‘ok,’ being ‘taken care of’ and ‘in control’ ‘then’, not ‘now’ when ‘now’ is all there really is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to soothe and console myself by creating fairytales of a perfect future where everything is ‘ok’ and ‘under control,’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid taking self-responsibility now by dreaming about a future where I will be self-responsible at some later date.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I require something outside myself to ‘make’ me ‘feel’ like ‘everything is going to be ok’. All I require is myself to remain Here as Who I Am, constant and stable, and that’s all there is.

I allow myself to remain Here as Who I Am, as Who I Am is all that I require,